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    Archive for 2007

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    Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea, Part 2

    | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    Me: “Okay, and if you could just sign the top line of this receipt copy for the return, you’ll be all set.”

    Customer: “Wait, this isn’t my correct address. This address printed on this receipt is not mine.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I realize that. However, our cash registers make us enter address and telephone information whenever anyone does a return or exchange. It’s for fraud prevention, etc. However, whenever I request a customer’s address, they panic, clutch their purse to their chest and hiss, ‘Why would you need to know that?’ Or they shout, ‘I’m not getting on any more god damn mailing lists!’ or they are conspiracy theorists who are convinced that I’m an agent of the government monitoring their spending habits through my DOS-based cash register. Or they think I want to come and hang out with them after I get off work. And it really doesn’t matter how many times I try to explain that it’s a fraud prevention requirement and that I’m neither immediately passing it on to Big Brother nor to my drug dealer named Tito. So I make up addresses because I don’t particularly want to have these conversations anymore.”

    Customer, after a long pause: “Yes, that’s a very good plan you’ve come up with.” *scampers away from me*

    Related:
    Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

    Deep Pockets

    | Kansas, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’d like to buy the Internet, please.”

    Sales: “The whole thing?”

    Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism

    | Pendel, PA, USA | Top

    Customer, calling from a cell phone: “Would you tell me how to get to your office?”

    Me: “Sure, where are you now?”

    Customer: “That is none of your business. Just tell me how to get there.”

    Me: “But to do that, I need to know where you are starting from. Are you in our town?”

    Customer: “I told you that is none of your $%@# business.”

    (After few more exchanges of this sort…)

    Customer: “You are an idiot. Let me speak to your manager.”

    Manager, who overheard part of the conversation already: “May I help you?”

    Customer: “Tell me how to get to your office.”

    Manager: “Well, that depends on where you are starting from.”

    Customer: “&@#$#!! Just $%%@# tell me how to get there.”

    Manager: “Okay. See the next corner? Turn right there.”

    Customer: *click*

    Related:
    You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    Taking The Young At Heart Thing Too Far

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (An 80 year old woman and her husband come up to the cutting counter with a bolt of sparkly, orange, see-through fabric.)

    80 year-old woman: “Three yards please.”

    Me, as I am measuring: “What are you using this for?”

    80 year-old woman: “I am taking a belly dancing class, and I am going to make my own outfit.”

    (I stare, and the man looks everywhere but his wife.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Dirty Minds

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (Customer calls requesting a cable.)

    Customer: “Hi. I am trying to connect my iPod to my stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a receiver, a small shelf system, or a boombox?”

    Customer: “It’s a smaller stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a small plug that looks like a headphone plug that is labeled AUX, Audio IN, or anything of the sort?”

    Customer: “Yes, there is a small round plug that says AUX.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s easy. All you need is a 3.5mm male-to-male RCA cable.”

    Customer: “Male-to-male as in boy-to-boy.”

    Me, knowing what is coming next and not caring: “Yes, it is just referring to whether it is a plug or a receptor of a plug.”

    Customer: “Well, you are just disgusting!”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, that is just an industry standard term.”

    Customer: “That is just one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard!”

    Me: “Sounds good.”

    Customer: *hangs up*


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