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    Archive for 2007

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    Of Course, If You Really Want To Pay …

    | Bay Area, CA |

    Hotel Guest: “So how does parking work at the hotel?”

    Me: “Oh sir, parking is complimentary anywhere on site.”

    Hotel Guest: “How much does it cost?”

    Me: “It’s complimentary … It’s free …”

    Must … Have … Chocolate … GraAAaawr!

    , | California |

    (It must be noted the ice cream shop I worked at was in a mall, so it was pretty tiny and limited.)

    Customer: “I’d like a chocolate ice cream cone please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we only have vanilla.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’d like a chocolate ice cream then.”

    Me: *stares* “We only have VANILLA. I can drip it in chocolate for you though.”

    Customer: “Ugh, gross! No thanks, I’ll go try McDonald’s.”

    There’s Dumb, And Then There’s Scary Dumb

    , | Tampa, FL | Top

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Woman: “Yes, I’d like to buy tickets for Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party.”

    Me: “Wonderful, when will you be attending?”

    Woman: “Tonight.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we actually have sold out for tonight’s event.”

    Woman: “Oh, okay, I’ll just get tickets when I get to the park.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry, we don’t have any tickets at all left. You won’t be able to purchase them at the park.”

    Woman: “Right, you’re just sold out of advance tickets, that’s okay, I’ll just get them there.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry ma’am, we are sold out of ALL tickets. That means there are NONE available when you get there.”

    Woman: “But I can still go, right? I just won’t have a ticket?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t attend Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party without a ticket, and we do not have any tickets available.”

    Woman: “Fine, I’ll get my tickets when I get to the park.”

    A Pseudo-Existential Moment

    | Unknown Location |

    Technician: “Good morning, *** Technical Support.”

    Caller: “Is this technical support?”

    Technician: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

    Technician: (Confused) “What number did you phone in on?”

    Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

    Technician: (Thoroughly confused) “It’s this number, it’s the number you’ve just dialed.”

    Caller: “Thank you. Goodbye.”

    Source

    A Strong Case for Reproductive Licensing

    | Arizona | Top

    (I honestly can’t say how many times I have had this conversation in the ER)

    Me: “Is there any chance you are pregnant?”

    Patient: “No?”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Patient: “Yes!”

    Me: “Are you sexually active?”

    Patient: “Yes!”

    Me: “Do you still have periods?”

    Patient: “Yes!”

    Me: “Are you on birth control?”

    Patient: “No.”

    Me: “Do you use condoms?”

    Patient: “No.”

    Me: “Has your husband/significant other/autistic baboon had a vasectomy?”

    Patient: “No.”

    Me: “So let me get this straight. You are still menstruating, have unprotected sex, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

    Patient: “No.”

    Me: “Look, if you are having sex and not trying to prevent getting pregnant, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

    Patient: “No.”

    Source

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