Customer: “I want this pizza for free.”
Me: “No cash, no pizza. I don’t care if you eat or not.”
Customer: “Well, I know the owner of [Store] Pizza!”
Me: “Really? How do you know me?”
(Customer put his hand in his pocket and paid for the pizza. Note: I’m not really the owner of the store.)
This story is part of the Lying-Customers-Getting-Caught roundup!
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Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”
Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”
Me: “Well, our financial advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”
Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”
Me: “Um… what do you mean, exactly?”
Customer: “Can I buy gold?”
Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”
Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”
Me: “Um… no. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”
Customer: “Well, you SHOULD!”
Me: “Okay…”
This story is part of our Bank Customer roundup!
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(A lady enters the store and gives me a raincheck that expired long ago.)
Me: “Um, ma’am, this raincheck expired 90 days after you received it.”
Customer: “It doesn’t say that.”
(I point to where it does, in fact, say that.)
Customer: *completely seriously* “That wasn’t there before.”
(I hand the raincheck back.)
Me: “Would you still like to buy this product?”
Customer: “Yes, I have this raincheck for buy one, get one free.”
This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!
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Sandwich Shop Worker: “Would you like mustard or mayonnaise on your sandwich?”
Customer: “Yes, please.”
(Sandwich shop worker stares.)
Customer: “Oops! I mean. Um… mayonnaise.”
Sandwich Shop Worker: “How would you like to pay? Cash or credit?”
Customer: “Okay.”
(Sandwich shop worker stares some more.)
The customer needs help adding his music into his iTunes library. I show him how, and this happens:
Customer: “Uggghhh!”
Me: “What happened?”
Customer: “Well, I’ll be honest. It’s adding my p*rn.”
Me: *silence* “Oh…”
Customer: “Please make it stop! I don’t want p*rn on my iPod!”
Me: “Click the little X near the top.”
Customer: “Okay, it stopped.”
Me: “Try adding the My Music folder again.”
Customer: “It’s doing it again! Oh, God!”
Me: “Okay, uh… let’s just move it from your My Music folder to a new folder in My Documents.”
Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.”
(A few seconds of silence pass while he moves the files)
Customer: “Oh, man. It’s gonna take 24 minutes for all the files to move.”
Me: “Twenty-four minutes? Are you sure?!”
Customer: “Yes, I’m sure.”
(I show him how to do some other unrelated action while the p*rn is moved)
Customer: “All right, great. Now that we’re done concealing my shame…”
This story is part of the Classic NAR roundup!
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