(Yet another power cord/paint dispenser story…)
Me: “Okay, it’s not plugged in.”
Him: “It’s plugged in–it goes right to the back of the computer!”
Me: “No, that’s a serial cable, not a power cable.”
Him: “What’s this orange one then?”
Me: “That connects the computer to the network. It’s also not a power cable and doesn’t connect to the dispenser anyway. The one for the dispenser is black and has a three-prong plug on the end.”
Him: “Listen to me, young lady, I have been on this earth for 56 years and I know what a power cord looks like!”
Me: “Yes, well, I’ve been on this earth 34 years and I know that some things have to be plugged into an outlet to work.”
Him: …
Me: …
Him: “Oh. There it is. Okay, it’s working now. Thanks.”

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Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”
Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”
Me: “Errr…no.”
Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”
Me: “Oh! Yes.”
Customer: “Really?”
Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

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(My boss is a realtor; she has sign toppers for various occasions. This one happened to be for the Christmas season: “Home for the Holidays”.)
Customer: “I’m calling about the ‘Home for the Holidays’ house.”
Me: “Sure, what’s the address?”
(She reads it to me.)
Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”
Customer: “When can I move in?”
Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry–do you mean you want to write an offer for the house?”
Customer: “No, it says ‘Home for the Holidays.’ I want to move in before Christmas.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We’re not giving the house away, we’re selling it.”
Customer: “Well I can’t afford a house!” *click*

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(This is after we’re all done with our transaction. I’m half-Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah, which was currently going on.)
Me: “Have a great day, ma’am.”
Customer: “Merry Christmas!”
Me, completely sincere: “And Happy Hanukkah to you!”
Customer: *flails her arms and screams happily* “No it’s about Jesus! It’s Jesus’s birthday! You have to worship Jesus! It’s all about Jesus! Love Jesus!”
Related:
When Generations Collide

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*customer hands over a tree skirt for her Christmas tree*
Customer: “Thats all! And I have a coupon…”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but it appears that the tree skirt is already on sale, so you can’t use the coupon.”
Customer: “Really? It doesn’t say anywhere that it’s on sale.”
Me: “Well, the ad that the coupon comes in also says that ‘All Christmas decorations’ are on sale for 30% off. Your coupon is for 40% off, so its not that big of a difference. It says on the coupon that you cannot use it on sale items…”
Customer: “Can’t you just give me the regular price and discount it with the coupon?”
Me: “Ma’am, you’re only losing out on…6 dollars. I really don’t want to lose my job over your 6 dollars.”
Customer: “I BELIEVE I’M BEING CHEATED! I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!”
*customer comes back 2 hours later to buy the exact same tree skirt*

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