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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Archive for 2007

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    Instructions Are Your Friends

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    (Referring to the payment terminal)

    Customer: “It’s not working. Whats wrong with it?”

    Me: “What does it say?”

    Customer: “It says, ‘Please slide card again’.”

    Me: “Well, then slide your card again.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (She slides her card. It works.)

    Customer: “Hey it worked!”

    How A DS RPG Killed The ESRB

    , | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (Customer brings a mediocre role playing game for the Nintendo DS up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, would this game be good for an eight year old?”

    Me: “Well, does he like RPGs?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t let him watch anything rated R.”

    Me: “Oh…I mean, does he like role playing games?”

    Customer: “Whats that? That like one of them Mario games?”

    Me: “No, it’s one where you follow a story line and usually has a lot of reading, like Final Fantasy. Has he ever played anything like that before?”

    Customer: “Oh, he don’t read books. And I don’t like that it’s rated R and PG.”

    It’s All About The Babies

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “…ma’am, I’m sorry, but unless you had insurance during that time, you will have to pay for the insurance we purchased for you.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you people are demanding we PAY for this s***! And the electric company wants money, too! How am I supposed to take care of my babies when all of you are demanding money for stuff?! WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?”

    Kill Them With Kindness

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling C** Technologies, how can I help?”

    Customer, very irate: “Yeah! I didn’t pay my internet bill and now its saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

    Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account and you would like to know why?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

    Me: “Alright, let me take a look here…my system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

    Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f**king sympathy here! Are you customer service??”

    Me: “I’m tech support.”

    Customer: “Where is customer service at?!?”

    Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues, I’ll transfer you down to them.”

    Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

    Me, in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up: “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

    Customer: “WHATS YOUR F**KING NA–” *click*

    (Gotta love that transfer button…)

    Just Wait Until Congress Hears About This

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Me: “Yes, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well I need one of those things that go in back of my phone. What’s it called?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what it is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I remember what it is. A stem cell…”

    Me: “A what????”

    Customer: “You know, a stem cell so I can make calls…the little card thing…”

    (She was thinking of a SIM card; I died laughing when she left!)

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