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    Archive for 2007

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    Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)

    Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”

    (There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)

    On The Need For Consumer IQ Requirements

    | Suffolk, UK |

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”

    Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”

    Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”

    Underwater Basketweaving, B.A.

    | Unknown Location |

    Customer: “Can I have a banana?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*

    Customer: “Uh, actually.. could I have a more ripe banana?”

    (I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)

    Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”

    (I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)

    The Proud And Stupid

    , | Indiana, USA |

    (This one came from my manager. A customer called Target and asked about a jacket that was on sale.)

    Customer (very snooty): “Hello, I would like to know if you have any Corbin Wells jackets in stock.”

    My Manager: “Corbin Wells? I don’t think we sell that brand.”

    Customer (getting angry): “Well, it’s on page 10 in your ad!”

    My Manager: “Let me see.” *she turns to page 10* “Ma’am, page 10 is electronics.”

    Customer (extremely angry): “You DO have the ad in front of you, don’t you?”

    My manager: “Yes, I have the TARGET ad in front of me.”

    Customer: “Oh, Target? That’s not the ad I’m looking at.”

    My manager: “What ad are you looking at, ma’am?”

    Customer (still snooty): “Kohl’s.” *click*

    Like, Oh My God!

    | Fargo, ND, USA |

    College Girl #1: “Our friend is registered here, but we can’t find her name on the computer.”

    College Girl #2: “Yeah, it’s broken.”

    College Girl #1: “She’s like one of our best friends and we need to get her a present.”

    College Girl #2: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Oh, okay, well let’s try it again.”

    (We walk over to the gift registry kiosk.)

    Me: “So is your friend registered for a wedding or baby shower?”

    (The two girls look at each other confused.)

    College Girl #2: “…Wedding?”

    Me: “Okay…what’s her first name?”

    College Girl #1: “Sarah…”

    Me: “Is that with an ‘h’ at the end, or is it just S-A-R-A?”

    (The two girls look at each other confused.)

    Me: “Okay, well the computer can search using the first two letters of the first name, so we’ll just put in S-A. And what is her last name?”

    College Girl #1: *says something unintelligible that sounds like “Pheuyben”*

    Me: “And how do you spell it?”

    (The girls look at each other confused.)

    College Girl #2: “Um…”

    College Girl #1: “Uh…”

    Me: “Does it start with an ‘f’ or a ‘p-h’?”

    College Girl #1: “P-h.”

    College Girl #2: “F.”

    (The girls look at each other confused.)

    (Oh. My. God. If I had “best friends” like that I’d swallow some Drano.)

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