Key Shop | Chicago, IL, USA
Customer: “I just locked my key in my car in front of the shop.”
Me: (I pick up some stuff) “Not a problem, I’ll pop it open for $5.00.”
Customer: “What are you going to do with that stuff?”
Me: “Open your car.”
Customer: “It’s a brand new Mercedes. I just drove it here from the dealer–you can’t touch it!”
Me: “Then how do I open it?”
Customer: “That’s your problem.”
Me: “Actually it’s not; I didn’t lock the key in your car.”
Customer: “You have to open it.”
Me: “Watch me not open it.”
Customer: “OK then, but if you make any scratch or mark at all then you will have to pay Mercedes to repaint the whole car. That will cost thousands.”
Me: “So If I’m successful I get $5.00, but if I make the smallest error it will cost me thousands of dollars?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Your car might just be there forever.”
Bookstore | Ontario, Canada
(I work at a bookstore; this happens almost daily)
Customer: “Excuse me, where is your gardening section?”
Me: “Over there.”
Customer: “I mean gardening BOOKS.”
Home Furnishings | Costa Mesa, CA
Customer: “Hi, I have my car down the loading dock and I’m parked where it says to park, but there’s no button to call your store or anything down there.”
Me: “No, there’s not because the elevator is shared with 3 levels of stores; we don’t own it, the mall does. So you have to call us when you’re there.”
Customer: “How do I call? There’s no button.”
Me: “With your cellphone…”
Customer: “Oh pfft, I never bring a cellphone with me.”
Me: “But didn’t you just call? How did you call earlier?”
Customer: “With a cellphone!” *looking at me like I’m stupid*
Hotel | Seattle, WA, USA
Pregnant Customer: “I want to be reimbursed because I did not get a ground floor unit, because I was promised one when I booked the reservation due to the fact that I’m pregnant.”
Agent: “But ma’am, you booked this reservation eleven months in advance.”
Video Rental | Midwest, USA
Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”
Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”
Customer: “Oh.”
(Customer goes back into rest of store, comes back to front.)
Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY’.”
Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”
Customer: “Can we rent that?”
Related:
On The Futility Of Signs
Clothing Retailer | Norman, OK, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling *******, how may I direct your call?”
Customer: “Lumber, please.”
Me: “Sir, we do not have a lumber department.”
Customer: “Yes you do. I was just in there and I bought 4 boxes of roof shingles.”
Me: “Sir, I think you have us mistaken for *****.”
Customer: “Don’t correct me. I know where I just left from buying roof shingles.”
Me: “Sir, we do not now nor have we ever sold roof shingles.”
Customer: “I have my receipt right here. It says *****.”
Me: “That’s fine sir, but this is *******, not *****.”
Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”
(After another 30 minutes of arguing with my manager we just transfered him to hardware so he could yell at them for not selling shingles.)
Retail | Vancouver Island, Canada
Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”
Me: “Yes we do.”
Customer: “Ok, well Wal-Mart has this vacuum on sale for $27.99 and you have it on for $34.99. Will you match that?”
Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to see a copy of the Wal-Mart flyer with that vacuum.”
Customer: “You don’t have the flyer?”
Me: “…No. We don’t carry Wal-Mart’s flyer.”
Customer: “You want me to drive all the way home to get Wal-Mart’s flyer and come all the way back here? Are you sure you don’t have it here?”
Me: “No, we don’t have Wal-Mart’s flyer.”
Customer: (angrily) “Well, you SHOULD! Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything?”
(Customer mutters and walks away.)
Bookstore | Ontario, Canada
Customer: “Do you have any maps of South Africa?” (We’re in Ontario, Canada.)
Me, having a look: “No, it seems we don’t. Your best bet will be online or to wait till you get there.”
Customer: “But you have maps of everywhere else! I looked in the computer and it said you had them!”
Me: “Did we have any in stock?”
Customer: “You have maps of places all over the states, but not South Africa.”
Me: “I guess there’s more interest cause people can drive there.”
Customer: “This is discrimination! I want a map of South Africa.”
Me: “Let me go check the computer again.” *runs*
Call Center | Mount Vernon, IA, USA
Me: “Hi, my name is ***** at ******** College, and I’m calling this evening to talk to ***** about her college search. Is she available?”
Older man who answered: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”
Me: “Uh…okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple pieces of contact information for her?”
Man: “I could take it, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”
Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”
Man: “No, no joke…”
Grocery Store | Kansas, USA
(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)
Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”
Customer: “Where can I get it?”
Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*
Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”
Me: “Yes…”
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