Customer: “I’m on my way to the kennels and my cat here needs an injection to get in.”

Me: “Well, you need an appointment for that. We’re fully booked until tomorrow afternoon.”

Customer: “If you’re going to be so difficult, I’ll take my cat elsewhere and get it put down!”

Me, checking a customer’s network connection: “…so you double-click with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”

Customer: “What? Double-kick?”

Me: “No, double-click; I mean you click twice, consecutively with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”

Customer: “Double-kick?”

Me: “Yes, double-kick your monitor.”

(At an ice cream shop)

Me: “Would you like any mix-ins with that?”

Older woman: “Yes, I would like almonds. But not too many, because I’m allergic, and if I have too many I will die.”

Me: …

Employee *making out a rain check* “Okay, so I’m just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

Another customer in line: “Stop f***ing socializing and do your goddamn job!”

Employee: “Sir, please don’t be abusive, I’m just checking our other loc-”

Angry Customer: “I don’t care! DO YOUR JOB!”

(At this point the angry customer moves toward the counter in a very threatening way, and the customer behind HIM, a super-fit guy in a UFC jacket, steps in.)

(Angry Customer was banned from the store and Mr. UFC got a gift card.)

(I’m standing right in front of about ten racks of toys and a giant sign that says “Toy Shop.”)

Customer: “Do you carry toys?”

Me: *turns, looks up at the sign* “Nope.”

(Customer walks off to continue her search.)

Related:
Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid
Ask A Stupid Question …

(I hostess at an upscale restaurant in a very nice part of town. I get a call like this about once a night on weekends, which are super busy.)

Customer: “Can I get a reservation for four at 7 tonight for Dr. xxx?”

Me: “I’m very sorry sir, we’re booked solid from 6 to 10. I can get you a reservation for tomorrow night if you’re interested.”

Customer: “But I’m a doctor.”

Customer: “Do you have burrito wrappers?”

Me: “Do you mean tortillas?”

Customer: “Well I guess you could call them that.”

(I was working for a call center that exclusively dealt with UPS)

Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Client: “I need to track a package.”

Me: “I would be happy to help you with that. Do you have a tracking number?”.

Client: “Yes, I do…” *proceeds to read off the tracking number*

Me: “I’m sorry, however that’s not coming up as a valid tracking number…there doesn’t appear to be enough numbers. Could you read it to me again?”

(The client gives me the number again, to no avail. I spend the next few minutes attempting to use what information was available to try and locate the package…with the client coming close to tears when I am unsuccessful. Finally, her boyfriend comes on the line, proceeds to yell at and berate me, using all sorts of expletives; due to my inability to find this package.)

Client’s boyfriend: “Look, I can’t understand why you cannot locate this package. I mean, I have the tracking number. It says right here, FEDEX TRACKING NUMBER!!!”

*pause*

Client’s boyfriend: *sheepishly* “This is UPS, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yep. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

*click*

User: “My computer’s not working properly–it stopped working when you were up here doing whatever you were doing, so you need to fix it.”

Tech support engineer: “I was upstairs writing down names. I wrote your name on a post it note. I’m not sure how that broke your computer.”

Customer: “What size is this rug?”

Me, reading label: “54″ x 72″.”

Customer: “So how big is that?”

Me: “In centimetres? It’s…”

Customer: “No, in inches.”

Me: “It’s 54 inches x 72 inches.”

Customer: “OK. And what colour is it?”

Me: “Lilac.”

Customer: “Right…and would it look good in my lounge?”

Me: “I don’t know…I’ve never seen your lounge.”

Customer: “No, I guess you haven’t. Do you think I have room for it?”

Me: ?@#!