Gift Shop | Los Angeles, CA
(Note: the shop is really, really small, and is inside the same building as a supermarket.)
*lady walks into store with shopping cart*
Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you leave your cart outside? It’s blocking other people from getting inside the store.”
Lady: *moves her cart filled with unpaid merchandise outside the store*
Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t take unpaid merchandise outside the store either.”
Lady: “I’m sorry. I’m from Texas!”
Travel Store | Unknown Location
Travel Store Customer: “Do you have any globes that have the United States bigger? I don’t need all this Africa, I just really want the US and Europe.”
Source
Tech Support | Boulder, CO
Tech Support: “So you’re having issues picking up your wireless signal … how many connections are there?”
Customer: “There’s two other networks but only one bar on each … those are my bad neighbors.”
Tech Support: “So the good signal isn’t there? Hmm, your modem might be off; can we check that?”
Customer: “Modem?”
(Tech support troubleshot that for a while before realizing the guy had never paid for internet before and didn’t own a modem.)
Tech Support: “Sir, when you said the other connections were your ‘bad neighbors…’ Did you mean that the good neighbor with the good signal isn’t there?”
Customer: “Oh, he moved?”
Tech Support | Boulder, CO
Customer: “Hello, is this Tech support?”
Me: “Absolutely, is there an issue I can help you with?”
Customer: “Yeah I want you to take over my computer and tell me what’s wrong with it. It’s all crazy.”
Me: (Thinking about how “all crazy” actually constitutes as a good description of a problem in most cases) “Okay ma’am well I assume you’ve had us remote control your machine again, so go ahead and open the program for me and I’ll try to connect. What’s the IP address?”
Customer: “No, you can’t have my IP.”
Me: “Well it’s impossible to help you without it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do something to your machine.”
Customer: “No, you don’t understand. My ISP or whatever stopped giving me internet so I need you to do it some other way.”
Me: “Ma’am, without internet I can’t just .. beam into your computer.”
Customer: “Man, those guys control EVERYTHING!!”
*click*
State Bureaucrat | Mississippi, USA
Me: “Good Afternoon, Mississippi Department of xxxxxx. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I would like y’all to get me some food stamps. My kids are hungry and I got fired last week.”
Me: “Ma’am, we don’t issue food stamps. You need to contact the Department of Human Services.”
Caller: “What?! My cousin told me to call y’all and y’all would get us fed. I know the State has lots of monies, can’t you just send us some?”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need to call DHS and they will be able to assist you.”
Caller: “F*** You! The G**-D***** State never does a damn thing for us poor folks! I hope you feel the fires of hell for starving children!” *click*
Me: *stunned silence*
Japanese Gift Shop | Los Angeles, CA
Old man in a Japanese Gift Shop: “Do you carry thongs here?”
Me: “Uh… WHAT?”
Old man: “You know… flippity flops… sandals!”
Clothing Retailer | Northern California, USA
Lady customer: “Where’s your boy stuff?”
Me: “We don’t really have any. This store is mainly targeted for girls.”
Lady customer: “WELL YOU SHOULD!”
Electronics Store | Toronto, Canada
Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.”
Me, to the lady customer: “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?”
Customer: “Discount?”
Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.”
Customer: “Discount?”
Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a *** card (store’s credit card). With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.”
Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?”
Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.”
Customer: “What’s the price in three months?”
Me: “It’s the same price as now.”
Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?”
Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.”
Customer: “Discount?”
Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.”
Clothing Retailer | San Francisco, CA
Customer: “Hi, I’ve been here for 15 minutes and I’m trying to find the Ben Sherman shirts.”
Me: (Looks behind her and points) “Ma’am, it’s right behind you.”
Customer: (Turns around) “No, I’m looking for Ben Sherman shirts.”
Me: “Ma’am, the Ben Sherman items are right behind you; there are tons of shirts on the racks right there.”
Customer: “Oh! Do they have any shirts?”
Me: (Deep sigh) “What kind of shirts are you looking for?”
Customer: “I don’t know, any kind as long as they’re Ben Sherman.”
Me: “Button downs? Polos? T-shirts?”
Customer: “You know what, I’m just gonna find someone else to help me.”
Bookstore | Sacramento, CA
Bookstore Customer: “Do people donate all these books to you?”
Me: “Yes. We show up for work every morning and there are boxes of valuable books sitting at the front door.”
Bookstore Customer: “Wow, really! I could open a book store?”
Me: “Sure!”
Bookstore Customer: “If I opened a store, how would people know where to leave the books?”
Source
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