Construction | USA
(While installing a street light pole)
Lady: “Is this going to take long?”
Me: “Ma’am, I need to you step back.”
Lady: “But is this going to take long? I need to get to my car.”
Me: “Ma’am… I need to you step back.”
Lady: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”
Me: “Ma’am… you have a 1 ton concrete pole directly over your head. If it drops, you are going to die. I need you to please step back.”
Lady: “Ok… but can I get to my car?”
Me: (I yell to my job foreman) “…Hillbilly!”
Hillbilly: “GET THE F*** OUT!”
Lady: “I never met anyone so rude.”
Source
Movie Theater | Madisonville, KY, USA
Customer: “Two tickets for Madagascar.”
(After the previews, he returns)
Customer: “I want my money back!”
Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
Customer: “You have the wrong movie playing in there, its a cartoon. Where’s the cars?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, Cars?”
Customer: “Nascar! I wanted to see Mad about Nascar!!”
Me: “…let me get the manager.”
Fast Food | Mount Vernon, IA
Customer in the drive-thru: “Hi, I’d like a BK Veggie.”
Me: “Sir, you’re at Hardee’s, not Burger King. We don’t have any vegetarian entrees.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks anyway.”
(Customer sits there for a few minutes before driving away)
Movie Theater Concessions | UK
Customer: “So you’re sure you don’t have any small hot dogs?”
Employee: “Yes.”
Customer: (Points to hot dog grill further down the counter) “Well what about those ones over there then??”
Employee: “No, they’re just further away.”
Computer Lab | USA
Woman 1: “What is that little trash can on the screen?”
Woman 2: “My son says that is called the ‘recycle bin’. He tells me when I don’t want a Word document anymore and I delete it, it really goes in there.”
Woman 1: “Why in the recycle thingy? Can’t you just erase it?”
Woman 2: “Oh no, Word wouldn’t work for very long if I did that, I would run out of blank pages.”
Woman 1: “Why?”
Woman 2: “Because it cleans the words off the pages, then sends the blank sheets back to Word so they can be used again. That’s why it’s called the recycle bin.”
Source
Sandwich Shop | Milwaukee, WI, USA
Me: “Hello, welcome to ***, what kind of sandwich can I get for you?”
Customer: “Uhh… I’ll get a Club.”
Me: “Would you like a 6 inch or a footlong?”
Customer: “I don’t know, how long is a footlong?”
Me: “It’s a FOOT LONG.”
Grocery Store | Boston, MA, USA
(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register)
Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”
Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”
Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”
Convenience Store | Storrs, CT, USA
(Hanging by the coffee dispenser)
Campus police officer 1 to campus police officer 2: “I smell bacon, is that you?”
Call Center | Nottingham, UK
Me: “Hello, telephone orders.”
Customer: “Hi, I’ve just seen a bird in my back garden.”
Me: “That’s very nice madam. Would you like to place an order?”
Customer: “It’s kind of a black and white colour, and quite large…”
Me: “Okay, Madam. Did you want to place an order with us today?”
Customer: “What type of bird do you think it is? It’s very unusual.”
Me: “Erm, I’m afraid I can’t help you Madam. I’m just a call center operative.”
Customer: “But don’t you know about birds? Aren’t you the RSPB (Royal Society for the Protection of Birds)?”
Me: “No Madam. We’re just a trading company.”
Customer: “Well, my brochure says RSPB on it.”
Me: “That’s correct. [But] we’re a trading company. We have lots of different charity catalogues. You actually need to call the RSPB Head Office.”
Customer: “But it says on this catalogue that you are the RSPB. Surely you must be able to tell me what type of bird it is. It’s so pretty. Oh, oh, oh ….. oh dear, I thought it was going to fly off then. Stay little birdy. Don’t go away. Good birdy.”
Me: “So would you like the number for the RSPB then?”
Customer: “So who are you?”
(This goes on and on and on, with intermittent monologue about what the bird is actually doing and what she’s fed it)
Source
Call Center | Washington, USA
Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”
Me: (Wasn’t sure if she was serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Umm…take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”
(597 Thumbs Up!)
