(I work in a burger stand)
Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”
Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”
Me: “Umm…would you just like a hamburger?”
Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”
Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”
Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”
Customer: “Excuse me, how much is this?”
Me: “$99.00.”
Customer: “But I get 20% off right?”
Me: “Yes, with the coupon you do.”
Customer: “Okay, so how much would that be?”
Me: “Uhm… about $80.”
Customer: “Really? Are you sure? Do the math again!”
Me: “Okay, well technically it’s $79.20, but with tax it’ll bring you well over $80.”
Customer: “That can’t be right. 20% off of $100 isn’t $80! Are you sure? Can I talk to a manager??”
(Customer goes to speak to manager, and realizes that she’s the one who’s wrong when they do it at the cash register. She then leaves (after buying everything) and comes by to me)
Customer: “You’re still wrong. It came out to be $79.20 before tax.”
Me: *sigh*
(Two middle-aged women walk into the store)
Woman 1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”
Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”
(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand)
Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”
Woman 2: “You’re an animal.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Woman 2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”
Me: “Alright then.”
Woman 2 (to Woman 1): “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”
(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)
Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven gallon tank?”
Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”
Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”
Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”
Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”
Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”
Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”
Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”
Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”
Related:
Captain Obvious To The Rescue
Belaboring The Obvious
Me: “Internet helpdesk, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”
Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”
Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”
Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”
Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”
Me: *grimace*
Me: “**** University, how my I help you?”
Phone client: “What is this about you recording my call? Are you guys working for CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service)?”
Me: “No sir, we record some calls in order to ensure the quality of our service. What can I do for you today?”
Phone client: “Are you recording my call right now?”
Me: “I don’t know sir. Management records call randomly.”
*Hangs up*
Customer: ‘What’s a colon?’
Tech Support: ‘It’s the key next to the ‘L’ key on your keyboard.’
Customer: ‘How do you spell ‘L’?’
Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”
Customer: “…okay.”
Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only Mr. Sub has pineapple.”
Customer: “Yes you do! I always get pineapple here!”
Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!”
Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!”
Me: “Um…”
Customer speaks to my manager: “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?”
Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!”
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