Hotel | Kansas, USA
Me: “Welcome to the Award Winning XXXXXX, How may I help you?”
Potential Guest on the Phone: “I would like a room.”
Me: “And when would you be arriving sir?”
Guest: “Huh?”
Me: “When do you want the room?”
Guest: “Oh! Tonight…”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we are completely booked tonight, would you like me to provide the number of a nearby establishment?”
Guest: “You got no rooms? Can’t you just give me one of the emergency rooms?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have any rooms like that, we sell our rooms until we are out. We don’t keep any rooms for ‘emergencies.’”
Guest: “Oh, you have suites too don’t you?”
Me: “Yes, we do, but we are completely booked, so there are no rooms available, every kind.”
Guest: “No rooms?”
Me: “No rooms.”
Guest: “No Suites?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we have no rooms of any kind, Suite or otherwise, now unless you want to book a room for another night, I am going to have to hang up.”
Guest: “No rooms?”
*click*
Video Editor | Upstate New York, USA
(Teleconferencing with a client about a commercial I edited for him)
Client: “I don’t like the music you picked. Do you have anything else?”
Me: “The order said you wanted your jingle in the spot. It’s the one you had the radio stations send us…”
Client: *interrupts* “Yeah, yeah. We gotta have the jingle. I just don’t like the music that goes with it.”
Me: “So you want the jingle without the music?”
Client: “Yeah. Like, and can you take the singing out of there? Like, the music too, can you just edit it out?”
Me: “I don’t think I understand. You want me to edit the jingle so there’s no music or singing?”
Client: “Yeah. I mean you guys can do stuff like that can’t you? Like, with the computers you got?”
Me: “We can’t really, um, do it like that. If you don’t want the jingle sung, we could have the [jingle’s hook] read in the voiceover.”
Client: “No, that won’t work. You can’t just read it. We gotta have the melody in there with it.”
Me: *loathes his career choice*
Video Rental Store | Michigan, USA
Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”
Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”
Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”
Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”
Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”
Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”
Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”
(Customer storms out)
Deli | Michigan, USA
Customer: “I’d like 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”
Me: “Do you mean two packages?”
Customer: “No, I want 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”
Me: *blank stare*
Customer: *heavy sigh* “5 chops, wrapped 2, 2 and 1. See, wrapped in twos.”
Travel Agent | Tampa, FL, USA
Customer: “Do other places besides Disney sell Disney tickets?”
Me: “I believe so, but I only have information about the tickets we sell.”
Customer: “How much do other places charge?”
Me: “I don’t have any information on other ticket resellers.”
Customer: “Is it cheaper if I buy tickets somewhere else?”
Me: “Sir, I don’t know anything about other places, only Disney.”
Customer: “Will they add the no expiration option for me?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Customer: “Can you give me names and contact information for other ticket places?”
Me: “Sir, I can only help you if you wish to purchase tickets directly from Disney.”
Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re being unhelpful!”
Tech Support | USA
(Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)
Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”
Customer: “DIP switch?”
Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”
Customer: “Eeeerrr…there are no switches there.”
Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”
Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not any more!”
Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not any more? What do you mean?”
Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”
Me: “REMOVED THEM??”
Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”
Source
Supermarket | New Jersey, USA
(Two days before Thanksgiving, people are picking up their orders of turkeys. One customer placed an order late, for a 20 lb. fresh Butterball. We didn’t get many of those, so I reserved a 20 lb. fresh “other” turkey.)
Me: “Well, I do have a previously frozen Butterball that a customer changed their mind on. It’s pretty much thawed out, you could have that.”
Customer: “No, my mother won’t eat frozen turkey.”
Me: “Well, then take the fresh one.”
Customer: “My mother only eats Butterball.”
Me: “This is a Butterball, and since you have to thaw it anyway to cook it, why not take the Butterball?”
Customer: “She won’t eat frozen turkeys.”
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Me: “We still have small fresh Butterballs, why not take two of them?”
Customer: “No, my mother is making a turkey too, and I don’t want to have three of them.”
Me: *exasperated*
Video Rental | Pennsylvania, USA
Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”
Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”
Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”
Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)
Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”
Customer: “JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”
Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”
Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*
Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”
Retail | USA
(8:55 pm: I’m guarding the door at work, waiting for the last couple of customers to finish up and get the heck out. They are going kinda slow, but I can’t kick them out because they were in the store before we close.
9:05 pm: They finally got what movies they wanted and are just about to pay when another guy tries to come in)
Late Customer: “Hold on please! I just need to get one thing!”
Me: “Sorry sir, it’s past 9pm. These are the last customers for the night.”
Late Customer: “But all I want to get is a PS2. Why can’t you get it for me?”
Me: “Because you came in after 9, we want to close up.”
Late Customer: “But they are getting stuff.”
Me: “They were in here before 9.”
Late Customer: “So you aren’t gonna help me? I wanna speak to your manager! Are you the manager?”
(This is the fun part, one of the women buying stuff chimes in)
Woman Customer: “Yeah, I’m the manager and we need to get the heck out of here to go home! You should have gotten here earlier!”
Late Customer: *Flabbergasted* “Wha? Well… YOU LOST A SALE!” *storms out*
Manager (the real one): “…Wow. Thank you very much!”
Me: “Ditto! Thanks a lot and have a wonderful night!”
Source
Home Improvement Store | California, USA
(Me loading lumber on a rack)
Customer: “Excuse me. Where is your Lumber Department?”
(198 Thumbs Up!)
