Disgruntled Bank Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have any money? I still have checks in my book!”

(Customer opens up check book, showing off her blank checks)

Male Customer: “Do you guys accept tips?”

Female Coworker: “Yeah, but we try to discourage it. We’d like to think our service is free.”

Male Customer: “Well um… Here’s a tip.” (Customer pulls out his phone number on a piece of paper)

(Female coworker’s boyfriend is right behind customer)

Customer: “Can I have a vanilla ice cream?”

Me: “Sure, but we don’t have ice cream. I can sell you a vanilla frozen yogurt.”

Customer: “This is frozen yogurt?”

Me: “Yea, that’s why there’s a giant sign outside the store that says FROZEN YOGURT.”

Me: “Your cable modem doesn’t work because you split the line to it 30 times for all the other rooms in your house. You have to put it on the first splitter. I’d be happy to rewire it for you.”

Customer: “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!”

Me: “Have you ever heard of cable fraud?”

Customer: “How much was that again?”

Source

Lawn Care Customer: “Can you fertilize me next week?”

Client: “In the future, I’d prefer not to pay you to make websites for me. I’ve seen what you do, and I think it’s pretty easy. Can you just teach me how to do your web stuff?”

Me: “If you’re really interested, I guess I can teach you the basics of web design, but it’s going to require at least several lessons and it’ll cost $xx for every hour I spend with you.

Client: “GOD, do you have to charge for everything?!?”

Nervous blonde I pulled over: “Hello occifer, what can I do for you?”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You want your insurance website to look like the Walt Disney World site?”

Client: “Yes, because [the Walt Disney World site] seems so happy and fun. When people visit our site, they should feel like buying insurance is fun!”

Me: “Um, okay …… so is there anything else you’d like?”

(client thinks for a few moments)

Client: “Rollercoasters! I like rollercoasters!”

*face palm*