Lady Looking At A Coat: “Oh, I don’t know if I can afford it!”

Lady’s Mother: “You’ll have to sell your body on the street to pay for it, hun.”

Pizza Customer: “I ordered a pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage … and half plain.”

Me: “Lady, there’s only two halves in a whole.”

Pizza Customer: “I know there are only two halves in a whole! I’m a lawyer; this treatment is unfair and I demand satisfaction!”

Customer (speaking over the telephone): “Could you speak up please, I’m deaf in one ear…”

Tech Support: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “I dropped my [product] in salt-water.”

Tech Support: “Okay, just so you know, that does mean the warranty has been voided, so we won’t be able to replace it for you.”

Customer: “I figured as much. I was just wondering what I can do to increase the chances of getting it to work again.”

Tech Support: “You could try leaving it to dry on a towel for a few days.”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll do that; I also ran it under some tap water, to rinse all the salt water out.”

Call Center Customer: “You’ll have to speak up love, I’m in a wheelchair!”

Customer (pointing to up escalator): “How do I go up? This way?”

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Ski Resort Guest: “Hey! You guys really go all out.”

(Me with puzzled look on face)

Ski Resort Guest: “You guys have that robotic bear crossing underneath the lift just as we went over.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have any robotic bears.”

Ski Resort Guest: “What? You mean that was a real bear?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Ski Resort Guest: “Ahhh. We were gonna hike down but I think we’ll just take the lift.”

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Customer: “Do you have a picture book of dinosaurs?”

Me: “Sure.”

(We walk to the dinosaur books and I show him many books with various sketches and paintings of dinosaurs)

Customer: “No, not pictures…PHOTOGRAPHS. Photos of dinosaurs, please. Where are those?”

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Dog Owner: “When my dog pees, he leaves brown patches all over the lawn. Is he peeing fire?”

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Seafood Restaurant Customer: (While looking at the lobster tank full of live lobsters) “Do you have any fresh ones?”

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