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    Data Protection Can Be Hellish

    | Champaign, IL, USA |

    (I notice a very well dressed woman checking out laptops.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. Could you tell me about the facial password feature on these laptops?”

    Me: “Sure. Certain laptops we carry can use the webcam to recognize several facial features unique to each person. Eye distance, mouth width, things like that.”

    Customer: “Well then, that’s it.”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “The apocalypse is coming.”

    Me: “The apocalypse?”

    Customer: “Yes. See, the Bible says that when the government starts taking over our personal lives, the apocalypse will come.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this has nothing to do with the government. It’s just another security feature.”

    (She pats me on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “That’s okay, son. I speak to God every day. I’m glad to know that when I’m up in heaven, you’ll be down here burning in hell.”