(The store I work in closes at 10:00 PM. It’s 11:30 pm and I’ve finished closing up shop, so I am about to leave. A customer comes up to the door.)

Customer: “Hey are you open?”

Me: “No, we’re closed.”

Customer: “Okay, but you ARE open, right?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we aren’t.”

Customer: “But I want to buy something.”

Me: “Sorry, you’ll have to buy it tomorrow.”

Customer: “Fine! You f*%$ing scumbag!”

Me: *thinking: what a b****!*

Customer: “I HEARD THAT!”