Customer Service, Metaphorically Speaking

(A woman comes up to me at the customer service desk with a piece of paper that has [Bike Brand] and a bunch of numbers written on it.)

Me: “How can I be of service to you today?”

Customer: “I need to return my bike.”

Me: “All right, is there anything wrong with it? And do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt, but here’s the bike number. And yes, I went to a professional bike repair guy who told me that all the spokes are rusted, and it would cost $50 to replace.”

Me: “Okay, we don’t return bikes in a ‘used’ state, only ‘new.’ But we do repair them.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t return bikes? The spokes are all rusted!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s just how the company policy is.”

Customer: “Can YOU repair it, right now?”

Me: “No; we have someone come here a couple of times a week to do the repairs.”

Customer: “Well, I need this bike now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only do repairs. The guy will be here Tuesday.”

(I look around for her bike…)

Me: “So… where is the bike? So I can put the repair label on it?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I don’t have it with me now! I can’t ride the bike here! And it doesn’t fit in my car!”

Me: “Well… I need the bike here to do returns and repairs, accompanied by a receipt.”

Customer: “I need a receipt, too?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *storms out*

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