Cupid Meets Stupid

(I am a cashier at a bookstore. It is 9 pm and our store has just closed. A male customer walks up to me empty-handed, and leans against the counter conspiratorially.)

Customer: “So, busy night?”

Me: “It was, yes.”

Customer: “Do you like working here?”

Me: “Yes. Is there something you need from behind the counter?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, if there is a particular book you’re looking for, you can head back to customer service and one of my colleagues can get it for you.”

Customer: “No, I don’t need anything. Can I just stay here for a little longer?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir. Our store is closed. If you need somewhere to stay, [Store] is across the street and they’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Well, my girlfriend is waiting for me outside. I just want to make her wait. She made me mad before, so I want to get back at her. Can’t you just let me stay a while longer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We really need to close the store down. We won’t stay open if we’re not making any sales. All of us want to go home.”

Customer: “Isn’t there anything you can do? I can just sit in the cafe.”

Me: *thinking* “Well, you could buy a $25 membership with us. There’s a form to fill out. That’ll give you a couple more minutes.”

Customer: “Perfect!”

Me: “You do understand it will cost you $25?”

Customer: “Yeah. She really p***ed me off!”