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    , | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], may I please have your 16-digit account number?”

    Customer: “I can’t.”

    Me: “That’s fine, may I please have your SS number so I’m able to find you?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need my balance right now!”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that, but I need to be able to look you up in the computer. Do you have your account number or your social security number?”

    Customer: “I’m on a cell phone. I can’t give you that, it’s not SECURE!”

    Me: “Umm…okay? Would you like to call us back on a land line so that your call is more ‘secure’?”

    Customer: “I’m busy! Can’t you just give me my balance?”

    Me: “I can as soon as I’m able to look you up in the computer. How would you like me to do that?”

    Customer: “I’m not going to do your job for you! Now tell me my balance!”

    (At this point, I’ve had enough.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Do you have your credit card with you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Can you please take it out of your wallet and hold it above your head?”

    Customer: “Okay, I’m doing that.”

    Me: “Thank you, may I please put you on hold while I contact NASA to move the satellite to your location and send us a picture?”

    Customer: “Okay, just don’t take too long about it!”

    (I place the customer on hold and go on break. Surprisingly, he’s still there when I get back.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we were unable to read the picture. Did you move at all?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I put it back in my wallet.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s the problem. Could you please just read it to me so I can look up your balance?”

    Customer: “NO, I TOLD YOU I’M ON A CELL PHONE AND IN A HURRY!” *customer hangs up*

    (My boss didn’t know if I should be fired or given a award.)