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    Corporate To The Rescue

    | Dorset, UK |

    (I work in a shop that sells nothing other than boxes of chocolate, in various shapes and sizes. A customer strolls into the shop holding a very expensive box.)

    Customer: *brandishing the box* “I want to return this.”

    Me: “Okay…could I ask you why?”

    Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft. Gimme refund.”

    (I should point out here that the customer was a male forty-something.)

    Me: “Maybe it was just the single chocolate that you tried?”

    (To my absolute horror, he opened the lid to reveal that every single last chocolate had been eaten. Both layers.)

    Customer: “See? Too soft. Want refund. Give me now.”

    (I was about to say something, though I’m not entirely sure what. Thankfully, the day was saved by another customer.)

    Customer 2: “You just ate all the chocolates..?”

    Customer 1: “Uh?”

    Customer 2: “Are you mentally ill?”

    Customer 1: “Wha?”

    Customer 2: “How about you f**k off and leave this poor kid to do his job?”

    Customer 1: *suddenly talking normally* “I don’t think it’s any of your business–”

    Customer 2: “I do.”

    Customer 1: “Why!?”

    Customer 2: “Because I’m from Head Office.”

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