Customer: “Today is my anniversary! Love is the best thing in life.”

Me: “Actually…” *in Conan voice* “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women…” *back in regular voice* “…is the best thing in life.”

Customer: “Ha! You made my day!”

(She paid for a $6 meal with a $20 bill and told me to keep the change!)