(Having just eaten a generous serving of risotto, a customer waves me over, pointing to his empty plate.)

Me: “Hi there. Everything alright with your meal?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I’m still hungry. I’d like some more.”

Me: “There are dessert menus on the tables and specials on the board—”

Customer: “No. I want more of this.”

Me: “Sure. Another risotto will be £6.95, please.”

Customer: “I don’t want to PAY! I just want some more. You should take it as a compliment!”