(A customer has been using a self-checking machine. Half way through, she decides she doesn’t want a certain book and takes it back to the shelves. I’ve been watching her, so I know that she has actually checked the book out to herself before putting it back on the shelf.)

Me: “Excuse me! Can I just get that book from you, and I’ll check it back in? Don’t worry about shelving it; I’ll take care of that.”

Customer: “No, no. I don’t want this.”

Me: “I understand, but I just need to check it back in. Otherwise, it still appears as being out on your card.”

Customer: “But I don’t want it.”

Me: “I know. I understand. I’m not asking you to take it. I just want to check it in.”

Customer: “Are you daft? I. Don’t. Want. This. Book.”

Me: “Right. Look. If you don’t let me check this book in now, in four weeks time you are going to receive a letter informing you that this book is overdue.”

Customer: “No, I won’t. I haven’t borrowed it.”

Me: “Yes you have!”

Customer: “I don’t understand how someone as stupid as you got a job here. See those?” *points to security gates* “Those are what check the books out to me. If I don’t carry the book through there, they aren’t on my card. Get it?!”

Me: *giving up* “You’re too right, ma’am. Sorry to have bothered you.”

(She leaves with a smug look on her face. Then I pick up the book and carry it out to my desk.)

Coworker: “You aren’t going to check that in, are you?”

Me: “H*** no.”

(Sure enough, five weeks later the customer comes in ranting and raving about ‘never having borrowed that book’. I bring it out from my desk and put it in front of her.)

Me: *shrugs* “Is this the book?”

Customer: “F***ing b****.”