Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

The Color Of Death

| Canton, OH, USA | Funny Names, Technology

(A customer comes in looking for a new ink cartridge for his printer.)

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me find ink?”

Me: “Sure! Do you know the brand, number, and color you need?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s [Brand] number eight cyanide!”

Me: *pauses for a few seconds, not sure if he’s joking* “Um, yeah. It’s right over here.” *give him the cyan ink*

Customer: “Great, thanks so much for your help!”

(I don’t have the heart to correct him as he continues on his merry way!)

A Customer By Reef-erral

| Ashford, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

(I’m stacking the shelves when a sweet little old lady approaches.)

Little Old Lady: “Excuse me. Do you know where I can find some cannabis?”

Me: “Um?”

Little Old Lady: “Some cannabis? Do you have any?”

Me: “I don’t think we do…”

Little Old Lady: “Oh, such a shame. My friend bought some from here before Christmas and they were gorgeous, especially the fish ones.”

Me: “Oh, canapés! Yes, we have those. They’re over here.”

(I show her where they are.)

Me: “Sorry, madam. I thought you said ‘cannabis!'”

Little Old Lady: *laughs* “Oh, I don’t need that anymore!”

Show Off

| UK | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

(I work in a theatre and help a customer with a very long ticket booking. He gazes at me warily through most of it as if expecting I’m going to make a mistake.)

Me: “Okay then, sir. Here are your tickets. I hope you enjoy the show!”

Customer: You shouldn’t call it a show you know.”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “Yes. A show is a vague description that could refer to a performance involving music or dance. I have only booked plays, so you should say ‘enjoy the play.’ Do you understand?”

Me: “I do… and I hope you enjoy the show.”

He Has Mama Issues

| Stettler, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a fairly new cashier at a popular fast food restaurant. Our burgers have names, like ‘Mama Burger’ or ‘Teen Burger.’)

Customer: *obviously intoxicated* “I want a cheeseburger and I want it hot. I don’t want it sitting in the f******* warmer.”

(As there is no listing for cheeseburger, I automatically change it to a ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

Me: “Of course, sir, that’ll be $7.50.”

(I continue on with my job, cleaning trays and wiping tables, as someone else bags food. After several minutes I notice the customer is still standing there without his food. There is a bag sitting on the counter, and as I check the receipt I notice it is his ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

Me: “Sir, I believe this is your meal here. Your cheeseburger?”

Customer: “I ORDERED A GODD*** CHEESEBURGER OVER 10 MINUTES AGO! NOT A ‘MAMA BURGER’!”

(As he continues on, my manager steps in and I quietly go hide in the back room and watch and listen.)

Manager: “I’m sorry for the mix up, sir. This is a cheeseburger, but in this restaurant it’s called a—”

Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHAT IT’S CALLED. I’VE WAITED OVER 10 MINUTES! THIS IS WHY YOU PEOPLE ONLY MAKE MINIMUM WAGE! ANY MONKEY COULD TAKE YOUR JOBS AND DO BETTER!”

Manager: *calmly* “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: *snatches food from counter* “I’M SO MAD, I COULD JUST—” *raises his fist to manager’s face* “I SHOULD BURN THIS BUILDING DOWN ON TOP OF ALL OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF S***!”

Manager: “You should not be out drinking and driving. It puts everyone in danger.”

Customer: “I’VE NEVER HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! NO DRUGS EITHER!”

*storms out with his food*

Next Customer In Line: “That’s a lie. He has had to be removed by police from [Other Fast Food Restaurant] four times. We’re instructed to phone police if he enters the premises.”

Me: *comes out of hiding*

Coworker: “You saw that coming, huh? I was wondering why you were hiding.”

Me: “This job… It gets better, right?”

Coworker: “No.”

Needs To Board A School Bus

| BC, Canada | Funny Names, Transportation

(I work at a bus depot which has trips running daily to Alberta. I’m not new to the job, and know pretty much all the common destinations.)

Customer: “My daughter needs a ticket to Dukin.”

Me: “Dukin? I’ve never heard of it. Where is it?”

Customer: “In Alberta! I know there’s a bus going to Dukin tonight! She took this trip last month. I know you guys go there, you know, Doo – kin. Dukin!”

Me: “It’s not in the computer. How do you spell it?”

Customer: “L – E – D… something…”

Me: “Leduc?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s what I said: Dukin!”

(She buys tickets regularly now, and calls the city Dukin to this day.!)

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