Customer: “I wanted to know about SEO. What’s that?”

Me: “SEO is Search Engine Optimization. In a nutshell, I can help you to get noticed by search engines.”

Customer: “So, you’re SEO are you? I want to meet him.”

Me: “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

Customer: “SEO is the name of a friend of mine in World of Warcraft. Are you him? Hey! How are you? I didn’t know you did web sites!”

Customer: “Hi, do you have coitus?”

Me: *pause* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Coitus! Do you have coitus?!”

Me: “Alright, sir, I really hope I’m understanding you wrong, so I need you to say what you want a bit slower.”

(He thinks for a long time, then slowly says the word, drawing out every letter.)

Customer: “Curtains?”

Customer: *throws bag of food at me* “It’s f***ing cold! Your chicken is terrible and the bun is stale!”

Me: “Uh, this is–”

Customer: “No, shut up! You guys always f*** me over, you’re not getting away with it today!”

Me: “You didn’t–”

Customer: “Fine! Get your manager, if you won’t help me. Enjoy being fired, a**wipe!”

Another customer: “You’re at [fast food outlet], mate. You bought your food from [rival store], next door.”

Customer: “Oh.” *awkward silence* “Can I have that bag back?”

Me: “Hi, Welcome to the post office. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I have a problem, I deleted all the messages on my house phone, how do I get them back?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well I only wanted to delete one message on my phone, but they all got erased, can you help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand the problem. You know you have called the postal service, yes?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well unfortunately I can’t assist you. You may need to ring the manufacturer of the phone and see how to get your messages back.”

Customer: “But it’s voice-mail! Mail! Why can’t you help me?!”

Me: *wrapping up the call* “Thank’s very much Hugh! Was
there anything else?”

Caller: “And what was your name? Oh Emma, right.”

Me: “My name is Uma.”

Caller: “Yuma?”

Me: “Like Uma Thurman.”

Caller: “Oh, like the actress? Are you as pretty as she is? Do you look like her?”

Me: “No. Do you look like Hugh Grant? Or Hugh Jackman?”

Caller: “Try Hugh Hefner.”