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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Coated In Confusion

    | TX, USA | Funny Names

    (At the department store where I work we have call boxes where customers can request assistance. When the button is pressed, the name of the department where the customer needs help is paged over the PA system.)

    Customer: *to coworker* “Excuse me. My wife was just paged to swimwear. What does that mean? Where is that?”

    Coworker: *confused* “Um, we don’t have any swimwear right now. The section where it would be has coats right now.”

    Customer: “But she was paged to swimwear!”

    (My coworker looks at me for help. I’m several feet away and haven’t really been paying attention to the conversation, so I think he is just trying to find swimwear.)

    Me: “All our swimwear is on clearance now since we have all our coats in, but we will probably get some in a few weeks.”

    Customer: “But they paged my wife to swimwear!”

    Me: “Yeah that’s where the coats are—”

    Coworker: “What’s your wife’s name?”

    Customer: “Coats?”

    Coworker: “No, what’s your wife’s name?”

    Customer: “Coats!”

    (Suddenly something dawns on me.)

    Me: “Wait, did the page say, ‘Misses’ Coats and Swimwear?’”

    Customer: “Yeah! Mrs. Coates in swimwear!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s just the call box. Someone needed help in that section so it announced it over the PA.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *walks away looking confused*

    Truly Terrible With Names

    | USA | Funny Names

    (I have a more ‘unique’ name for a girl. If someone just skips over my name or says it wrong, I don’t correct them. But sometimes people want to clarify.)

    Me: “Good Afternoon. [Vet Clinic]. This is Joie. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Did you say your name was Jody?”

    Me: “No, sir. Joie.”

    Caller: “Joanie?”

    Me: “Uh, no. Joie. Like a baby kangaroo.”

    Caller: “Oh, you said Julie?”

    Me: “No, sir, Joie. But that’s okay. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “And your name isn’t Julie?”

    Me: “No sir. It’s Joie.”

    Caller: “I prefer Julie to your name.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Can I call you Julie at least? I don’t like your name.”

    Me: “No. No, you cannot.”

    Caller: “Okay, I will call back later when I can talk to someone with a better name. Bye.”

    The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

    Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

    (Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

    Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

    Me: “Wha?”

    Patron: “Like this one, here!”

    (He holds up an old VHS.)

    Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

    Me: “‘Pennies,’” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

    Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

    Suddenly Not Feeling So Hot

    | NC, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body

    (The male in this story is a regular customer who has become a really good friend. Working the door at a Gentlemen’s Club, I have to use a fake name at work. When at work, the regular customer refuses to call me by my fake name, which is ‘Jessica.’)

    Regular: “Sandy! How’s Monday going?”

    Me: “Okay, slow, but the name’s not Sandy. That’s not even my real name. You know that.”

    Regular: “I know. You’re just… not a Jessica. I can’t call you Jessica.”

    Me: “What exactly makes me ‘not a Jessica’?”

    Regular: *pauses* “Well, because I know another Jessica, and she’s really hot.”

    Me: “…”

    Regular: “I gotta go study. See you later!”

    Club Manager: *over radio* “Did he… did he really just say that?”

    Books Are Going The Way Of The Dinosaur

    | AK, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Language & Words

    Me: “Hi. What can I help you find today?”

    Customer: “I want to find a book.”

    Me: “What book are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for that book with a bunch of words in it that sounds like a dinosaur?”

    Me: *stares for a moment* “…a thesaurus?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

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