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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    A Total PPOODJ-Head

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

    (I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

    Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

    Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

    Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

    (I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

    Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

    (She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

    Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

    (She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)

    Not Worthy Of The Name

    | TX, USA | Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Finance. This is Liz. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Who?”

    Me: “This is Liz at [Company] Finance. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Stephanie, what kind of business is this?”

    Me: “Well, this is LIZ, and we are a loan office.”

    Caller: “Stephanie, I need a liability quote for a vehicle.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Fishing For Tramps

    | Titusville, FL, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “What do I need to fish saltwater for shrimp?”

    Me: “Just a saltwater fishing license.”

    Customer: “No crawdad or lobster permit?”

    Me: “Nope, just the saltwater license for $17.50.”

    Customer: “Well what about freshwater? Will I need a tramp stamp for trout?”

    (Right after that, he realized what he said. His friend and I were both laughing.)

    Not What They Pictured

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

    (I’ve been showing my paintings at outdoor art shows for five years. I sell originals and prints, called giclee prints. Increasingly, as people look at my work and ask if I’m the artist, they seem genuinely surprised. Why, I have no idea. A couple of my neighbors and I were just talking about this when two women started flipping madly through my print rack, clearly marked “Giclee Prints (geeclay)” with the sizes and prices.)

    Customer: “Is this you?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “REALLY?”

    Me: “Maybe you ladies can help me with this. We were just talking about how surprised people are that I am the one who painted these. Why is that?”

    Customer: “Well, you have to admit, Giclee DOES sound like a boy’s name.”

    Me: “Actually, giclee is the name of the process to produce the prints. It’s a French word. I am not giclee.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe I want to talk to this Giclee guy. Where is he?”

    Only Your Pen Required

    | IL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in an office where I assist clients with their paperwork. I am helping a male customer complete some forms.)

    Me: “All right. Now, we just need you to sign this form at the bottom here, and we’re done.”

    Customer: “What was that?”

    Me: *trying to be friendly* “Just sign here, please. We need your John Hancock.”

    Customer: “John Hancock?”

    Me: “Uh, yes. You know, your signature? Like the guy who signed the Constitution.”

    Customer: “Oh! You want me to sign it. Okay! You know, the first time someone asked me for my John Hancock, I thought they were talking about my…” *he gestures to his groin*

    Me: *quickly* “Oh… oh! No, no, sir! We just need your signature and that’s all!”

    Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I was pretty confused!”

    Me: *quickly wrapping up his paperwork and not wanting to hear how that story ended* “Yes, sir. Well, you’re all done here. Have a great day!”

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