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  • Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    All Meals Come Pre-Blessed

    , | USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Religion

    (At the restaurant I work at all of the employees names are written on a wall. A little girl around the age of six and her dad walk in. While waiting for their food she is reading the names out loud and spots the name Jesus.)

    Girl: “Daddy, look, they have Jesus working here! That’s so awesome. Now we don’t have to pray before this meal!”

    (Jesus got a chuckle out of this as the dad quickly explained it is a name pronounced ‘hey-Zeus.’)

    Chipping Away Until You Get The Answer

    , | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (An elderly customer walks into my store.)

    Me: “Hi! I can take your order when you’re ready!”

    Customer: “I’d like some chips.”

    (The customer doesn’t have a noticeable accent so I assume he isn’t from England.)

    Me: “We don’t have chips, but would you like fries instead?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like some chips!”

    (The elderly customer then points to the chocolate chip cookies we have sitting out front.)

    Customer: “You know what I want! I want chips!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean chocolate chips!”

    Customer: “No! Chips!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand. If you’d like I can get my manager and see if he knows what you’re talking about?”

    Customer: “I don’t want your manager! I want chips! You know they’re like chips of chicken!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean chicken nuggets?”

    Customer: “Yes! There you go! Chicken chips! See, I told you, you had chips!”

    The Situation Has All Gone Pear-Shaped

    | Basingstoke, England, UK | Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m assisting an older customer trying to find some nice shrugs to cover her arms when she wears strappy dresses. I have found her a few and, for some reason, we have changed topic to women’s shapes.)

    Me: “So, there are five general different shapes.”

    Customer: “Five?”

    Me: “Yup! Straight: where you’re equal measurements across the board, strawberry or top heavy: where your shoulders (or breasts) are the largest part of you, apple: where your waist is the biggest part, pear: where your hips are the widest and the hourglass: where your top is in proportion to your hips.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m a small hourglass as my shoulders are in line with my hips. You must be too!”

    Me: “Oh no, I’m pear-shaped. My hips are easily the widest part of me; my top half is a lot narrower.”

    Customer: “Oh… you look in proportion though. Oh! Probably because you have big boobs!”

    Me: “Er… thanks. Anyway, was there anything else you were looking for?”

    (I help the customer and check her out.)

    Customer: “Thanks for your help, Big Boobs!”

    Me: “You’re welcome. Bye!”

    (There’s a small pause.)

    Manager: “Good job, Big Boobs.”

    Sherlock Hemlock Solves The Case

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am the customer in this story. It’s New Year’s Day and my mom’s family has a tradition where one cooks ham hocks and beans for good luck. I’m at the store and can’t find the ham hock.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    Employee: “Yes?”

    Me: “Can you tell me where to find the hemlock please?”

    Employee: “What?”

    Me: “The hemlock.”

    Employee: *pause* “What do you need it for?”

    Me: “Oh, my family is coming over today and my mom is going to put it in beans.”

    Employee: “Could you describe it for me?”

    Me: “Um, it’s a part of a pig, attached to the leg—”

    Employee: “Ham hock! Right this way.”

    This Family Business Is A Joke

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known shoe store. We wear tags bearing the name of the store, but not our names. A customer comes in and looks at my tag.)

    Customer: “So… your name’s Rockport?”

    Me: “Yep, it’s a family name. My dad started the business, and he wants me to learn it from the ground up.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s so admirable!”

    (I gesture to a few coworkers wearing the same name tag.)

    Me: “Yup, all the Rockport kids learn the business this way.”

    Customer: “All of you? Wow!”

    (I can’t quite believe she hasn’t caught on by this point, so I take pity.)

    Me: “What can I help you find…?”

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