November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Antisocial About The Social

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to deposit these checks.”

(I take the checks and deposit slip, but the account number isn’t coming up, and her name isn’t, either.)

Me: “I’m having trouble finding you in our system. Can you give me your social, and I can look for you that way?”

Customer: “This always happens with you! Why does this happen with only you?! I don’t know how you got this job. My social is [number].”

Me: “I found you, ma’am, but it looks like your name is hyphenated in our system, which you did not indicate on the deposit slip, and the account number you provided is incorrect. I suppose that’s why it never works when you come to me. All of the information you gave me was incorrect.”

(The customer left red-faced. Since then, she’s gone to great lengths to be polite to me.)

Needs An Urban Remedy

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story.)

Employee: “Hi there! What can I get for you today?”

Me: “Hi! Could I just get a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese?”

Employee: “Sure! What kind of cheese?”

Me: “…cream?”

Employee: *laughs* “I meant what kind of cream cheese would you like?”

Me: “Oh! What flavours do you have?”

Employee: “Plain, strawberry, blueberry, and herb and garlic.”

(At this point, I am tired after a day of classes and mishear the last flavour.)

Me: *stares blankly* “Urban garlic?… Is that, like, the opposite of ‘rural garlic’ or something?”

My Name Is The Law(rence)

| Kent, England, UK | Funny Names

(I’ve always had trouble with people mishearing my name “Lawrence” on the phone, even getting mistaken with my dad’s one-syllable name when I was at home. In my job, fewer than half of our callers get it right the first time. I try to politely correct them where I can as we are a small company and I’ll likely deal with them frequently by phone and email.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]. Lawrence speaking. How may I help?”

Customer: “Hi, Aaron, I—”

Me: “Sorry, it’s ‘Lawrence.'”

Customer: “Sorry, Florence—”

Me: “Lawrence.”

Customer: “…Warren?”

Me: “LLLaaaawrrreeeennnnsss”

Customer: “Terrence, I’m so sorry—”

Me:Lawrence of Arabia.”

Customer: *laughing* “Lawrence! Got it. I’ll remember that. You must think I’m so thick.”

Me: “Well, you didn’t try ‘Tony’ like the last guy…”

A Big Mayo No No

| WA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am pregnant, and I find my brain occasionally ceases functioning. I often find myself at a loss for words. One night, while picking up dinner at a popular submarine sandwich shop, I confidently asked the young man making my sandwich for ‘brown mayonnaise.’)

Employee: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Brown mayonnaise?”

Employee: “I… but… brown? Mayonnaise?”

Me: “Yes, please! Just a little bit, though.”

Employee: “I’m just so sorry, but I’ve never heard of brown mayonnaise, and we definitely don’t have any. I have regular mayonnaise, light mayonnaise, yellow mustard, brow… oh!” *grabs his bottle of brown mustard and offers it to me just as my brains clicks on*

Me: “Did I seriously just ask you for brown mayonnaise, like, three times? I’m so sorry. Mustard. I definitely meant mustard.”

Employee: “Thank goodness, because brown mayonnaise does not sound good at ALL.”

(I had to agree.)

Be Glad It Wasn’t Slartibartfast

| San Antonio, Texas, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

(My call center doesn’t rely on any script; we just have things we’re required to share with our customers. It gives us the opportunity to be playful and fun in certain situations, or we can be serious and sympathetic in others. The following takes place at the end of the call:)

Me: “Your reference code will be easy to remember if you’re into Douglas Adams. Zerbop.”

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: Zerbop. Zulu, echo, bravo

Customer: “No, I got that. The other part.”

Me: “It sounds like a character Douglas Adams would write about.” *I think to myself that I had horribly misjudged the situation*

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Was that all I could do for you today?”

Customer: “Yes. So long, and thanks for all the fish.” *click*