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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Worth Its Weight In Golden

    | Exeter, England, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (A rather frazzled looking customer rushes in and comes straight over to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like 12.5g of golden virginity please…”


    Me: “I’m sorry, love, there are some things we just can’t give back.”

    Customer: “Oh my goodness, Virginia! I meant golden Virginia!”

    Not Quite Wedded To The Details

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Funny Names

    (I work in a bridal shop where in order to do pretty much anything we need the brides information, and the wedding date. A girl comes in with her dad to be measured for a dress and tells me the bride called our store.)

    Me: “Do you happen to know if anyone else ordered the dress yet?”

    Dad: “I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Okay, when is the wedding? I can look up the paperwork and find out.”

    Dad: “…” *blank stare*

    Me: “Okay… What’s the bride’s name, then?”

    Dad: “I don’t know…”

    (I understand the dad not knowing, but the daughter was at least 14. How do you be in a wedding and not know anything about it?)

    Hopefully His First Name Isn’t John

    | North Wilkesboro, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I work in a well-known national chain pharmacy. The particular store that I work in provides medicine to at least half of our well-sized county, so we stay rather busy and have a lot of customers. This exchange happens far more often than it really should:)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a prescription.”

    Me: “All right, what’s the name?”

    Customer: “Johnson.” *or some other common last name*

    Me: “Okay, and the first name?”

    Customer: “There’s more than one?!”

    Me: “…”

    His Parent’s Can’t Have Been Very Square

    | Australia | Funny Names

    (Our store has a pretty standard loyalty program where customers present their loyalty card and are eligible for various discounts. One day, a young man in his 20s with unkempt hair and several piercings came asked me to cut his fabric.)

    Me: “And do you have a loyalty card?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have it on me. Can you look me up in the system?”

    Me: “Sure! What was the last name on the card?”

    Customer: “‘M-Squared.’ All one word.”

    Me: “Umm… Okay, sure. And what was the first name?”

    Customer: “Oh, that is my first name. I don’t have a last name.”

    Me: “…Okay, let me search for you.”

    (Remarkably enough, there was an ‘msquared’ in the system!)

    French Disconnection, Part 2

    | Edinburgh Scotland, UK | Funny Names, Geography

    (I’m French but have been working in Scotland for a few years. My accent is not as strong as the typical French one, but most people can guess where I’m from, especially Brits. Sometimes customers think I’m German. A rather drunk customer comes in.)

    Customer: *reading my name tag* “How do you say your name?”

    Me: *says my not very usual but definitely French name*

    Customer: “So,where are you from?”

    Me: “Try to guess!”

    Customer: “Poland?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Estonia?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Lithuania?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Latvia?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: Russia?

    Me: No

    Customer: Republic Czech?

    Me: No

    Customer: “Poland?”

    Me: “No, you already asked.”

    Customer: “Oh right! Germany?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Dutch?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Romanian?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “You are from Eastern Europe right?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “Well, you look like it!”

    (He keeps going and names almost every country in Europe, some twice, but none where people actually speaks French. The evening is slow so I don’t mind and it’s actually quite fun. Finally:)

    Customer: “So where are you from then?”

    Me: “France.”

    Customer: “I knew it!”

    French Disconnection

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