• Understood The Concept Swimmingly
    (1,494 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Canola Or Can’tola

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I work in something of a high end grocery store as a cashier. Most of our customers are great but every once in a while I come across one who thinks we aren’t high end enough. As part of my job I always try to ask the customers if they found everything they were looking for, and if not to then help them get it when that’s possible. A woman walks up to check out with a couple of items.)

    Me: “Hi there! You find everything all right?”

    Customer: “No, actually. I was disappointed you don’t have rapeseed oil. I really figured you would and I need it for a recipe. I think I’m going to have to go to a specialty store to get it now.”

    Me: “You know, I could be wrong, but I think canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. If you want I could page our grocery section to double check and see if we have any?”

    Customer: *as though I don’t know what I’m talking about* “No, no, no, I don’t think so. I’ll just go to a specialty store.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure companies avoid calling it rapeseed oil because of what it sounds like. I think most use another name and I think it’s canola oil.”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m sure!”

    Me: “All right, well, have a good day and I hope you find it!”

    (I looked it up later and I was right. Canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. We definitely sell canola oil at our store.)

    The Hannibal Special

    | VT, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I work for food service at a hospital.)

    Customer: “I would like the human plate.”

    Me: *pauses a moment thinking this over* “Did you mean hummus plate?”

    Customer: “No I mean the human plate.”

    Me: “Okay…” *sent the hummus plate*

    Not That Kind Of Store

    | Sweden | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I’m a female pharmacist finishing up business with a male customer:)

    Customer: “Oh, I’d also like a woman; can you please get me one?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

    Customer: “I want a woman, the cheap kind!”

    (He looks at me dead serious.)

    Me: “I’m not quite sure I understand…”

    Customer: *slower* “I want a woman! But it has to be the cheap kind.”

    (I keep looking at him in complete disbelief.)

    Customer: *sighs* “How hard can it be? My wife asked me to get her one box of woman or whatever they are called. Where do you keep it? I can get it myself if you tell me where I can find it.”

    Me: “Oh… you must mean the multi-vitamin. Wait, I’ll get it for you.”

    Customer: *yells after me* “It has to be the cheap kind!”

    (We have two kinds of multi-vitamin pill intended for women and both are labeled WOMAN. Apparently that was what he wanted.)

    The Name Is A Sticking Point

    | Overland Park, KS, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I’m a waiter at a local pizza place and am currently on the phone with a customer that is placing an order. They’ve ordered a special which enables them to get their choice of either breadsticks or cheese sticks.)

    Me: “All right, sir, would you like the breadsticks or cheese sticks with your pizza?”

    Customer: *after much thought* “”Hmm, you guys used to have these breadsticks that had cheese on them. Could I get those instead?”

    Me: “Sir? Do you mean the cheese sticks?”

    Customer: “No, no. The breadsticks with cheese!”

    Me: *clicking the cheese sticks button* “Oh yeah, the breadsticks with cheese! I can do that for you!”

    Customer: “Thank you! You have no idea how many other [Store]s don’t know what I’m talking about!”

    Rude? Yeah, Whatever

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

    (I’m a new administrative assistant at an established private accounting firm. Since I’m new, I can’t recognize any clients by voice over the phone.)

    Me: “Good morning. [Accounting Firm]. How may I help you?”

    Client: *sounding far away like he’s on speaker* “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name].”

    (I wait a few seconds for him to continue, to give me a last name or some identifying information like most of our callers do.)

    Client: “Hellooo? Hey!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

    Client: “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name].”

    (I don’t bother waiting again and respond immediately.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Client: “Helloooo? Hey! Can you even hear me?”

    Me: “Yes, sir; can you hear me?”

    Client: *now sounding like he’s off speaker and holding the phone* “Yeah, look, I got my taxes did by you and I was wondering when you guys might possibly be contemplating considering the possibility of sending in my taxes.”

    Me: “Um… okay, well, I’m just an administrative assistant; I don’t work on anyone’s taxes so I’m not sure. Do you know which accountant worked with you?”

    Client: *heavy sigh* “Yeah, I guess, maybe Jessica, or Erica, or Stephanie?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anyone here by any of those names.”

    Client: “What about [about 15 different names in rapid succession]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, no.”

    Client: “Well, what about [One of our accountant’s name]?”

    Me: “Yes, we have an accountant by that name.”

    Client: “Give her to me; let me talk to her.”

    Me: “Uh, sure, let me see if she’s available. Hold, please.”

    (I page the accountant and explain what’s happened so far.)

    Accountant: *laughs* “Oh, you mean Rudy?”

    Me: “Rudy? He said his name was [Very common first name].”

    Accountant: “Yeah, but I call him Rudy. Not to his face, of course. But I do it because he’s so rude. Get it?”

    Me: *giggles* “Yeah, I get it. Do you want me to send him through or to your voicemail?”

    Accountant: “Oh, voicemail him. I’m having a good day and I don’t want to talk to Rudy right now; he’d just ruin it.”

    (I switch back to the call line.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I’m sorry, but [Accountant] is unavailable. Would you—”

    Client: “Yeah, whatever, my name is [Very common first name] and I’m wondering when you might be considering to contemplate—”

    (I cut him off by sending the call to the accountant’s voice mail without another word. Later she calls me into her office, laughing so hard she’s in tears, and plays the message “Rudy” left.)

    Voicemail: “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name] and I began to suspect I might wonder when you would possibly consider the possibility of maybe contemplating thinking about sending my taxes in.”

    (There’s a solid minute-long pause.)

    Voicemail: “So, yeah, whatever.” *hangs up*

    Accountant: “God, I love Rudy. He’s such a little p****!”