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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Fishing For Tramps

    | Titusville, FL, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “What do I need to fish saltwater for shrimp?”

    Me: “Just a saltwater fishing license.”

    Customer: “No crawdad or lobster permit?”

    Me: “Nope, just the saltwater license for $17.50.”

    Customer: “Well what about freshwater? Will I need a tramp stamp for trout?”

    (Right after that, he realized what he said. His friend and I were both laughing.)

    Not What They Pictured

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

    (I’ve been showing my paintings at outdoor art shows for five years. I sell originals and prints, called giclee prints. Increasingly, as people look at my work and ask if I’m the artist, they seem genuinely surprised. Why, I have no idea. A couple of my neighbors and I were just talking about this when two women started flipping madly through my print rack, clearly marked “Giclee Prints (geeclay)” with the sizes and prices.)

    Customer: “Is this you?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “REALLY?”

    Me: “Maybe you ladies can help me with this. We were just talking about how surprised people are that I am the one who painted these. Why is that?”

    Customer: “Well, you have to admit, Giclee DOES sound like a boy’s name.”

    Me: “Actually, giclee is the name of the process to produce the prints. It’s a French word. I am not giclee.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe I want to talk to this Giclee guy. Where is he?”

    Only Your Pen Required

    | IL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in an office where I assist clients with their paperwork. I am helping a male customer complete some forms.)

    Me: “All right. Now, we just need you to sign this form at the bottom here, and we’re done.”

    Customer: “What was that?”

    Me: *trying to be friendly* “Just sign here, please. We need your John Hancock.”

    Customer: “John Hancock?”

    Me: “Uh, yes. You know, your signature? Like the guy who signed the Constitution.”

    Customer: “Oh! You want me to sign it. Okay! You know, the first time someone asked me for my John Hancock, I thought they were talking about my…” *he gestures to his groin*

    Me: *quickly* “Oh… oh! No, no, sir! We just need your signature and that’s all!”

    Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I was pretty confused!”

    Me: *quickly wrapping up his paperwork and not wanting to hear how that story ended* “Yes, sir. Well, you’re all done here. Have a great day!”

    A Freudian Slip And Slide

    | Rochester, MN, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (I am helping a customer with some plumbing fittings for his old-home cast-iron pipes.)

    Customer: “I don’t think this gasket is going to slide into the pipe.”

    Me: “It should slide right in for you.”

    Customer: “Well, if it don’t slide in, what can I use to help slide it in?”

    Me: “You can use some KY jelly, and that will help.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. We got some of that and should work just fine then.”

    Me: “Yep, should work.”

    (The customer’s wife comes around as we get other fittings together, and he looks at his wife.)

    Customer: “Almost done here. Got all the stuff I need, and I just need to find where the KY jelly is.”

    (The wife’s eyes gets big in disbelief. I initially think ‘what’s wrong with her?’)

    Wife: “Umm. What?”

    Customer: “The KY jelly to help slide the fittings into… oh… c**p.”

    (The customer looks at me, and just as he does so, it dawns on me what we have both just said!)

    Me: “Oh… We need to find the silicone jelly! Sorry! I have no ideal how I came up with KY jelly!”

    The Color Of Death

    | Canton, OH, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    (A customer comes in looking for a new ink cartridge for his printer.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me find ink?”

    Me: “Sure! Do you know the brand, number, and color you need?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s [Brand] number eight cyanide!”

    Me: *pauses for a few seconds, not sure if he’s joking* “Um, yeah. It’s right over here.” *give him the cyan ink*

    Customer: “Great, thanks so much for your help!”

    (I don’t have the heart to correct him as he continues on his merry way!)


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