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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Sherlock Hemlock Solves The Case

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am the customer in this story. It’s New Year’s Day and my mom’s family has a tradition where one cooks ham hocks and beans for good luck. I’m at the store and can’t find the ham hock.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    Employee: “Yes?”

    Me: “Can you tell me where to find the hemlock please?”

    Employee: “What?”

    Me: “The hemlock.”

    Employee: *pause* “What do you need it for?”

    Me: “Oh, my family is coming over today and my mom is going to put it in beans.”

    Employee: “Could you describe it for me?”

    Me: “Um, it’s a part of a pig, attached to the leg—”

    Employee: “Ham hock! Right this way.”

    This Family Business Is A Joke

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known shoe store. We wear tags bearing the name of the store, but not our names. A customer comes in and looks at my tag.)

    Customer: “So… your name’s Rockport?”

    Me: “Yep, it’s a family name. My dad started the business, and he wants me to learn it from the ground up.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s so admirable!”

    (I gesture to a few coworkers wearing the same name tag.)

    Me: “Yup, all the Rockport kids learn the business this way.”

    Customer: “All of you? Wow!”

    (I can’t quite believe she hasn’t caught on by this point, so I take pity.)

    Me: “What can I help you find…?”

    Some Employees Never Grow Up

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (When employees forget their name tags we have temporary tags for them to write their name on and stick them to their shirts. One day I forget my tag, so I grab a temporary one and write ‘Smee’ as my name. I am called to assist an older couple with an issue at a register. After the issue is taken care of the conversation goes as follows:)

    Wife: “Smee? What kind of name is that?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s an old family name. Goes back many generations.”

    Wife:  ”Really? Is it European?”

    Me:  ”English, actually. It started with a famous relative.”

    Wife:  ”Oh, how famous?

    (The husband turns away and suppresses a laugh and smile.)

    Me: “Well I had a great, great, great, great, great uncle who sailed with a famous sea captain as his first mate.”

    Wife:  ”Really? What sea captain was that?”

    Me:  ”Oh, you know, Captain Hook!”

    (The husband cracks up.)

    Wife:  ”Oh, my. Wait. Who?”

    (At this point I got called away to another register. As I left the husband and the cashier were laughing and the wife was asking who Captain Hook is.)

    A Total PPOODJ-Head

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

    (I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

    Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

    Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

    Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

    (I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

    Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

    (She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

    Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

    (She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)

    Not Worthy Of The Name

    | TX, USA | Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Finance. This is Liz. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Who?”

    Me: “This is Liz at [Company] Finance. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Stephanie, what kind of business is this?”

    Me: “Well, this is LIZ, and we are a loan office.”

    Caller: “Stephanie, I need a liability quote for a vehicle.”

    Me: *facepalm*

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