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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Be Glad It Wasn’t Slartibartfast

    | San Antonio, Texas, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

    (My call center doesn’t rely on any script; we just have things we’re required to share with our customers. It gives us the opportunity to be playful and fun in certain situations, or we can be serious and sympathetic in others. The following takes place at the end of the call:)

    Me: “Your reference code will be easy to remember if you’re into Douglas Adams. Zerbop.”

    Customer: “What was that?”

    Me: Zerbop. Zulu, echo, bravo

    Customer: “No, I got that. The other part.”

    Me: “It sounds like a character Douglas Adams would write about.” *I think to myself that I had horribly misjudged the situation*

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “Was that all I could do for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes. So long, and thanks for all the fish.” *click*

    We All Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

    | NE, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I’m stocking product in an aisle while two older gentlemen are browsing through it. One is practically shouting into his phone.)

    Customer #1: *on phone* “HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF CHIPOLLETA ICE CREAM?”

    Customer #2: “GELATO!”

    Customer #1: *on phone* “GELATO ICE CREAM?”

    Feeling Bad For Jimmy

    | Waukesha, WI, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (It is 1995. I am 18 and working as a third shift stocker at a major grocery store chain. I am approached by an 18-20 year old white male.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, you got any Jimmy Hats?”

    Me: “…and they are?”

    Customer: “You know man! Jimmy Hats! I need to get my Jimmy Hats. They are for my girl.”

    Me: “Are they a type of candy? If so, aisle four, far end on your left.”

    (The customer leaves off in that direction and I continue stocking. The customer comes back.)

    Customer: “Hey, I couldn’t find them. I need to get the Jimmy Hats my girl wants.”

    Me: “Okay, I will come look. Do you know what the packaging looks like?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they are Jimmy Hats.”

    (I walk him over to the candy aisle and start looking with him and he also looks through the candy.)

    Customer: “See, man? I don’t see Jimmy Hats here anywhere.”

    Me: “Okay, do you want me to page someone else for assistance?”

    Customer: “No man, I just need the Jimmy Hats.”

    Me: “Do you know what they look like?”

    Customer: “Yeah! They look like Jimmy Hats.”

    (This goes on for a bit like this in a horrible circle.)

    Me: “Okay, I can’t help you. Let me page someone else.”

    Customer: “Okay, hopefully they can help me find the Jimmy Hats.”

    Me: *on intercom* “Customer in need of assistance in [aisle].”

    (One of my coworkers comes over.)

    Customer: “I need a box of Jimmy Hats for my girlfriend and he can’t find them.”

    Coworker: *looks confused* “And they are?”

    Customer: “JIMMY HATS! My girlfriend wants me to get a box of JIMMY HATS!”

    (The customer suddenly looks embarrassed that he yelled that. Starts looking around nervously. A grandmother and her grandkids have now come into the aisle and start going through the candy.)

    Coworker: “We might not carry that type of candy.”

    Customer: “But they are Jimmy Hats. She said she got them here before!”

    Coworker: “We might be out of stock.”

    Customer: “But I need to get Jimmy Hats for my girl.”

    (I go and get a female cashier to try and help him. The customer turns red.)

    Customer: “Um. I just need them… you know…” *gestures downwards*

    Me: *realizes* “Condoms?”

    Customer: *he just blinks and nods*

    Me: “Why didn’t you tell me it wasn’t candy when we were searching this aisle? You even looked at the candy.”

    Customer: “Well, I am hungry…”

    (I take customer to the proper area and he gets his condoms.)

    Cashier: “Okay, one bag of Twizzlers and your Jimmy Hats.”

    Customer: *just turns red, pays, and walks out*

    Mugged Of Coffee Common Sense

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    Me: “Good morning, sir, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “A mugachino, thanks.”

    (I ring it up as a large cappuccino as we’ve figured out that’s what most customers who order a ‘mugachino’ want. After a few minutes I take the coffee to him.)

    Me: “Here you go, one large cappuccino.”

    Customer: “I didn’t order a cupachino! I ordered a mugachino! Where is my coffee?!”

    Me: “A mugachino refers to a cappuccino in the largest cup available, sir… That is a large cappuccino.”

    Customer: “I want a mugachino. Now go get me my d*** coffee!”

    Me: “Of course, sir, sorry about the mix up. I’ll get that right away.”

    (I walk around the corner to the coffee machine, sprinkle a bit more chocolate on top to make it look different and return with the same coffee.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir. One mugachino. I must have mixed your order up with another customer.”

    Customer: “About time… How hard was that? Gosh, I am never coming back here!”

    Goes Orange With Embarrassment

    | USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

    Me: “Thank you for calling member services, This is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

    (Silence.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “I’m sorry; I was thrown off by your name…  Your name is Carrot? ”

    Me: “Um…. No, ma’am, it’s [My Name].”

    Caller: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought your parents really named you Carrot! I thought maybe they were horrible hippie people!”

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