November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

A Divisive Question

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am a clerk stocking groceries. A newer, less experienced clerk approaches me to ask a question.)

Coworker: “Do we carry something called divided oil? A customer needs it for a recipe and I’ve never heard of it.”

(I went over to the baking aisle and proceeded to explain to the middle-aged female customer and my teenaged coworker what it meant when a recipe calls for one and a half cups oil, divided.)

Mexi-can’t Make Them Understand

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work in a Mexican restaurant.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss.”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where are our burritos?”

Me: “I’ll just check with our kitchen. I’ll be back in a moment!”

(I check with the kitchen and there is no order for that table so I check our computers and no order has been put through; my manager tells me that they haven’t ordered because they have only just sat down.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but no order has been placed for this table. If you remember what kind of burritos you ordered, I can place the order now.”

Customer: “We just want the burritos.”

Me: “Yes, well, we have five different burritos.” *points to menu, which lists our burritos and has a picture of one*

Customer: “No, no, the burrito in the BOWL.”

Me: “A burrito in a bowl?”

(Another waitress walks out with the complimentary bowls of corn chips and salsa, and places them on the table.)

Customer: “Finally! See, this is a burrito.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I thought you said BURrito, not DORito.”

Customer: “No, this is a BURrito.”

Getting A Proper Grilling

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(The customer is a man about 50 years old. He orders a number 12, which is a chicken sandwich. I ask him if he wants crispy or grilled chicken and he says grilled. A few minutes after getting his food he comes back up to the counter.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: *opens box* “This is a grilled chicken sandwich.”

Customer: “I wanted the grill.”

Me: “…Right. This is grilled.”

Customer: “No. You just said this is chicken! I didn’t want chicken. I wanted the grill.”

Me: “You ordered a chicken sandwich grilled… that’s what it says on your receipt.”

Customer: “I did want the grill, but I didn’t want chicken!”

Me: *blank stare* “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “The grill! I wanted the grill! You asked me crispy or grilled and I wanted the grill!”

Me: “The number 12 is a chicken sandwich, sir. That’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “I don’t want chicken. I want the grill.”

Me: “…Did you want a burger?”

Customer: “Yes! A grilled burger! I wanted the grill!”

Regina Phalange Calling

| Derbyshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Funny Names, Movies & TV

(My dad works in TV licensing, the main role of which is issuing warnings to people who haven’t paid their licenses. This exchange takes place as he’s reading back a form to a suspected license fraud filled in earlier in the day.)

Dad: “I think this either made the stupidest attempt not to get caught ever or she’s taking the p***.”

Me: “Why?”

Dad: “Well, under ‘name’ she’s put ‘Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock.'”

(I crack up, recognising the ‘Friends’ reference.)

Dad: “Hey, I’m the one who has to go back and sort this!”

Me: “Okay, here’s what you need to do…”

(I tell my dad a few ‘Friends’ quotes to slip into conversation, to make it clear he knows what she’s doing. Apparently she paid up (under her real name) as she didn’t think anyone would remember that show!)

Not Getting Owned By The Owner

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

(I happen to work at a chain whose owner shares the same last name as me. It’s pure coincidence but still comes in handy as shown below:)

Me: “Hello there! Will this be all?”

Lady: *gives me a disapproving look and places her merchandise on my register. I continue making small talk as I ring her up*

Me: “Will this be on your store card today?”

Lady: “Excuse me, do you know who I am?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Lady: “I am Dr. [Name], wife of Dr. [Name]. As a regular customer I expect to be addressed accordingly!”

Me: “…uh… I do apologize, ma’am.”

Lady: “That’s DOCTOR [Name] to you! Are you not listening to me or are you just r******d?”

Me: “Again, I apologize. I’m still relatively new here and have not had a chance to get to know all of our regular clientele.”

Lady: “Well, I’m still going to report you for such blatant disrespect. Who is your manager?”

Me: “That would be [Manager].”

Lady: “Well, expect them to give you a proper reprimand when I tell them…” *she looks at my name tag*  “Wait… Your last name is [Owner’s Name]?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Lady: “As in the Franchise Owner’s name?”

(I nod and the lady suddenly looks a lot less irritated, and a lot more worried.)

Lady: “Uh… actually, as you said, you’re new so I can overlook this… Ermmm…”

(She scurries off and my manager comes over trying to suppress his giggles.)

Manager: “That woman comes in here and makes life hell for everyone just because she and her husband met the owner on one occasion at a party. Looks like I owe you an apology.”

Me: “What for?”

Manager: “I thought you were being pretentious by asking to have your first and last name on your name tag. Now I see the genius behind it. Well done.”