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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Some Employees Never Grow Up

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (When employees forget their name tags we have temporary tags for them to write their name on and stick them to their shirts. One day I forget my tag, so I grab a temporary one and write ‘Smee’ as my name. I am called to assist an older couple with an issue at a register. After the issue is taken care of the conversation goes as follows:)

    Wife: “Smee? What kind of name is that?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s an old family name. Goes back many generations.”

    Wife:  ”Really? Is it European?”

    Me:  ”English, actually. It started with a famous relative.”

    Wife:  ”Oh, how famous?

    (The husband turns away and suppresses a laugh and smile.)

    Me: “Well I had a great, great, great, great, great uncle who sailed with a famous sea captain as his first mate.”

    Wife:  ”Really? What sea captain was that?”

    Me:  ”Oh, you know, Captain Hook!”

    (The husband cracks up.)

    Wife:  ”Oh, my. Wait. Who?”

    (At this point I got called away to another register. As I left the husband and the cashier were laughing and the wife was asking who Captain Hook is.)

    A Total PPOODJ-Head

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

    (I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

    Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

    Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

    Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

    (I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

    Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

    (She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

    Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

    (She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)

    Not Worthy Of The Name

    | TX, USA | Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Finance. This is Liz. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Who?”

    Me: “This is Liz at [Company] Finance. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Stephanie, what kind of business is this?”

    Me: “Well, this is LIZ, and we are a loan office.”

    Caller: “Stephanie, I need a liability quote for a vehicle.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Fishing For Tramps

    | Titusville, FL, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “What do I need to fish saltwater for shrimp?”

    Me: “Just a saltwater fishing license.”

    Customer: “No crawdad or lobster permit?”

    Me: “Nope, just the saltwater license for $17.50.”

    Customer: “Well what about freshwater? Will I need a tramp stamp for trout?”

    (Right after that, he realized what he said. His friend and I were both laughing.)

    Not What They Pictured

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

    (I’ve been showing my paintings at outdoor art shows for five years. I sell originals and prints, called giclee prints. Increasingly, as people look at my work and ask if I’m the artist, they seem genuinely surprised. Why, I have no idea. A couple of my neighbors and I were just talking about this when two women started flipping madly through my print rack, clearly marked “Giclee Prints (geeclay)” with the sizes and prices.)

    Customer: “Is this you?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “REALLY?”

    Me: “Maybe you ladies can help me with this. We were just talking about how surprised people are that I am the one who painted these. Why is that?”

    Customer: “Well, you have to admit, Giclee DOES sound like a boy’s name.”

    Me: “Actually, giclee is the name of the process to produce the prints. It’s a French word. I am not giclee.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe I want to talk to this Giclee guy. Where is he?”


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