If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…
(A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)
Customer: “Where is chili?”
Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”
Customer: “Is chili in can?”
(I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)
Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”
Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”
Customer: “It has picture of dog.”
Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”
Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”
Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”
Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”
Me: "Hello, this is [Company Name]."
Caller: "Hi, who just called me?"
Me: "I’m not sure. You’ve reached general reception."
Caller: "Well, someone just called me from this number."
Me: "Sorry, but there’s no way for me to tell who called you, as this is the general number."
Customer: "What are you?"
(I explain the company.)
Customer: "I didn’t understand anything about what you just said. Why did you call me?"
Me: "It could be a wrong number."
Customer: "Ugh, fine. Stop wasting my time by calling me if you don’t know who you are, please!"
(I am checking out a customer and taking their details.)
Me: “Ma’am, what is your street name?”
Customer: “I don’t really have one of those. I usually just go by Shanice.”
Me: “Uh, ma’am, I meant the street name where you live.”
Customer: “Oh, I knew that!”
Source: Pope Michael
Caller: “I have a question about my account.”
Me: “I’d be happy to help! What email address do you use to log in?”
Caller: “It’s rogue@[email host].com.”
Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t seem to find that email in the system. To confirm, let me spell out the full address: r-o-g-u-e@[email host].com?”
Caller: “No, it’s *****r-o-u-g-e!”
Me: “Oh, “rouge” like the makeup. The word “rogue” is spelled r-o-g-u-e.”
Caller: “That’s not how “rogue” is spelled! I can’t believe how stupid your customer service is!”
Me: “If you want to be sure, you can check a dictionary for the correct spelling.”
Caller: “Fine, I will! I’m going to search dictionary.com right now!”
(A minute passes as he searches.)
Caller: “F***! I’ve been using this email for years! I can’t believe my guild members never pointed this out to me!” *hangs up*
(The customer spends several minutes staring at a selection of fudge, trying to decide which one she wants. Her daughter is standing in line with her.)
Customer: “Yes, I’d like a piece of caramel chocolate squirrel.”
Daughter: “It’s chocolate caramel swirl! I don’t think we want a chocolate caramel squirrel.”