November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Not Worthy Of The Name

| TX, USA | Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Finance. This is Liz. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Who?”

Me: “This is Liz at [Company] Finance. Can I help you?”

Caller: “Stephanie, what kind of business is this?”

Me: “Well, this is LIZ, and we are a loan office.”

Caller: “Stephanie, I need a liability quote for a vehicle.”

Me: *facepalm*

Fishing For Tramps

| Titusville, FL, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

Customer: “What do I need to fish saltwater for shrimp?”

Me: “Just a saltwater fishing license.”

Customer: “No crawdad or lobster permit?”

Me: “Nope, just the saltwater license for $17.50.”

Customer: “Well what about freshwater? Will I need a tramp stamp for trout?”

(Right after that, he realized what he said. His friend and I were both laughing.)

Not What They Pictured

| FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

(I’ve been showing my paintings at outdoor art shows for five years. I sell originals and prints, called giclee prints. Increasingly, as people look at my work and ask if I’m the artist, they seem genuinely surprised. Why, I have no idea. A couple of my neighbors and I were just talking about this when two women started flipping madly through my print rack, clearly marked “Giclee Prints (geeclay)” with the sizes and prices.)

Customer: “Is this you?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “REALLY?”

Me: “Maybe you ladies can help me with this. We were just talking about how surprised people are that I am the one who painted these. Why is that?”

Customer: “Well, you have to admit, Giclee DOES sound like a boy’s name.”

Me: “Actually, giclee is the name of the process to produce the prints. It’s a French word. I am not giclee.”

Customer: “Well, maybe I want to talk to this Giclee guy. Where is he?”

Only Your Pen Required

| IL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I work in an office where I assist clients with their paperwork. I am helping a male customer complete some forms.)

Me: “All right. Now, we just need you to sign this form at the bottom here, and we’re done.”

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: *trying to be friendly* “Just sign here, please. We need your John Hancock.”

Customer: “John Hancock?”

Me: “Uh, yes. You know, your signature? Like the guy who signed the Constitution.”

Customer: “Oh! You want me to sign it. Okay! You know, the first time someone asked me for my John Hancock, I thought they were talking about my…” *he gestures to his groin*

Me: *quickly* “Oh… oh! No, no, sir! We just need your signature and that’s all!”

Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I was pretty confused!”

Me: *quickly wrapping up his paperwork and not wanting to hear how that story ended* “Yes, sir. Well, you’re all done here. Have a great day!”

A Freudian Slip And Slide

| Rochester, MN, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

(I am helping a customer with some plumbing fittings for his old-home cast-iron pipes.)

Customer: “I don’t think this gasket is going to slide into the pipe.”

Me: “It should slide right in for you.”

Customer: “Well, if it don’t slide in, what can I use to help slide it in?”

Me: “You can use some KY jelly, and that will help.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. We got some of that and should work just fine then.”

Me: “Yep, should work.”

(The customer’s wife comes around as we get other fittings together, and he looks at his wife.)

Customer: “Almost done here. Got all the stuff I need, and I just need to find where the KY jelly is.”

(The wife’s eyes gets big in disbelief. I initially think ‘what’s wrong with her?’)

Wife: “Umm. What?”

Customer: “The KY jelly to help slide the fittings into… oh… c**p.”

(The customer looks at me, and just as he does so, it dawns on me what we have both just said!)

Me: “Oh… We need to find the silicone jelly! Sorry! I have no ideal how I came up with KY jelly!”