Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Truly Terrible With Names

| USA | Funny Names

(I have a more ‘unique’ name for a girl. If someone just skips over my name or says it wrong, I don’t correct them. But sometimes people want to clarify.)

Me: “Good Afternoon. [Vet Clinic]. This is Joie. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. Did you say your name was Jody?”

Me: “No, sir. Joie.”

Caller: “Joanie?”

Me: “Uh, no. Joie. Like a baby kangaroo.”

Caller: “Oh, you said Julie?”

Me: “No, sir, Joie. But that’s okay. How can I help you?”

Caller: “And your name isn’t Julie?”

Me: “No sir. It’s Joie.”

Caller: “I prefer Julie to your name.”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “Can I call you Julie at least? I don’t like your name.”

Me: “No. No, you cannot.”

Caller: “Okay, I will call back later when I can talk to someone with a better name. Bye.”

The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

(Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

Me: “Wha?”

Patron: “Like this one, here!”

(He holds up an old VHS.)

Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

Me: “‘Pennies,'” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

Suddenly Not Feeling So Hot

| NC, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body

(The male in this story is a regular customer who has become a really good friend. Working the door at a Gentlemen’s Club, I have to use a fake name at work. When at work, the regular customer refuses to call me by my fake name, which is ‘Jessica.’)

Regular: “Sandy! How’s Monday going?”

Me: “Okay, slow, but the name’s not Sandy. That’s not even my real name. You know that.”

Regular: “I know. You’re just… not a Jessica. I can’t call you Jessica.”

Me: “What exactly makes me ‘not a Jessica’?”

Regular: *pauses* “Well, because I know another Jessica, and she’s really hot.”

Me: “…”

Regular: “I gotta go study. See you later!”

Club Manager: *over radio* “Did he… did he really just say that?”

Books Are Going The Way Of The Dinosaur

| AK, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Language & Words

Me: “Hi. What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I want to find a book.”

Me: “What book are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for that book with a bunch of words in it that sounds like a dinosaur?”

Me: *stares for a moment* “…a thesaurus?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Where Blow Dry Has Another Meaning

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

(I work at a shopping centre. A customer approaches the desk to ask for directions to a shop.)

Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. Where is ‘Hairhouse Whorehouse?’”

Me: “Um? Do you mean ‘Hairhouse Warehouse?’”

Customer: “…Oh, god! What did I just say?!”

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