Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Not What They Pictured

| FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

(I’ve been showing my paintings at outdoor art shows for five years. I sell originals and prints, called giclee prints. Increasingly, as people look at my work and ask if I’m the artist, they seem genuinely surprised. Why, I have no idea. A couple of my neighbors and I were just talking about this when two women started flipping madly through my print rack, clearly marked “Giclee Prints (geeclay)” with the sizes and prices.)

Customer: “Is this you?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “REALLY?”

Me: “Maybe you ladies can help me with this. We were just talking about how surprised people are that I am the one who painted these. Why is that?”

Customer: “Well, you have to admit, Giclee DOES sound like a boy’s name.”

Me: “Actually, giclee is the name of the process to produce the prints. It’s a French word. I am not giclee.”

Customer: “Well, maybe I want to talk to this Giclee guy. Where is he?”

Only Your Pen Required

| IL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I work in an office where I assist clients with their paperwork. I am helping a male customer complete some forms.)

Me: “All right. Now, we just need you to sign this form at the bottom here, and we’re done.”

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: *trying to be friendly* “Just sign here, please. We need your John Hancock.”

Customer: “John Hancock?”

Me: “Uh, yes. You know, your signature? Like the guy who signed the Constitution.”

Customer: “Oh! You want me to sign it. Okay! You know, the first time someone asked me for my John Hancock, I thought they were talking about my…” *he gestures to his groin*

Me: *quickly* “Oh… oh! No, no, sir! We just need your signature and that’s all!”

Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I was pretty confused!”

Me: *quickly wrapping up his paperwork and not wanting to hear how that story ended* “Yes, sir. Well, you’re all done here. Have a great day!”

A Freudian Slip And Slide

| Rochester, MN, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

(I am helping a customer with some plumbing fittings for his old-home cast-iron pipes.)

Customer: “I don’t think this gasket is going to slide into the pipe.”

Me: “It should slide right in for you.”

Customer: “Well, if it don’t slide in, what can I use to help slide it in?”

Me: “You can use some KY jelly, and that will help.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. We got some of that and should work just fine then.”

Me: “Yep, should work.”

(The customer’s wife comes around as we get other fittings together, and he looks at his wife.)

Customer: “Almost done here. Got all the stuff I need, and I just need to find where the KY jelly is.”

(The wife’s eyes gets big in disbelief. I initially think ‘what’s wrong with her?’)

Wife: “Umm. What?”

Customer: “The KY jelly to help slide the fittings into… oh… c**p.”

(The customer looks at me, and just as he does so, it dawns on me what we have both just said!)

Me: “Oh… We need to find the silicone jelly! Sorry! I have no ideal how I came up with KY jelly!”

The Color Of Death

| Canton, OH, USA | Funny Names, Technology

(A customer comes in looking for a new ink cartridge for his printer.)

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me find ink?”

Me: “Sure! Do you know the brand, number, and color you need?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s [Brand] number eight cyanide!”

Me: *pauses for a few seconds, not sure if he’s joking* “Um, yeah. It’s right over here.” *give him the cyan ink*

Customer: “Great, thanks so much for your help!”

(I don’t have the heart to correct him as he continues on his merry way!)

A Customer By Reef-erral

| Ashford, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

(I’m stacking the shelves when a sweet little old lady approaches.)

Little Old Lady: “Excuse me. Do you know where I can find some cannabis?”

Me: “Um?”

Little Old Lady: “Some cannabis? Do you have any?”

Me: “I don’t think we do…”

Little Old Lady: “Oh, such a shame. My friend bought some from here before Christmas and they were gorgeous, especially the fish ones.”

Me: “Oh, canapés! Yes, we have those. They’re over here.”

(I show her where they are.)

Me: “Sorry, madam. I thought you said ‘cannabis!'”

Little Old Lady: *laughs* “Oh, I don’t need that anymore!”

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