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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Go Easy On The Brain

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am delivering to a customer who placed their order online. When I get to the door I begin reading off the ticket to make sure everything is correct and accounted for, as is standard procedure, when the customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: “And what kind of cheese did you put on it?”

    Me: “I believe we use mozzarella and parmesan.”

    Customer: “NO! That is NOT what I ordered! You were supposed to make it with Ezon cheese!” *pronouncing ‘ezon’ with a pretentious French accent*

    Me: “Um… Sorry, but I’ve never heard of this cheese, and as far as I know we don’t use it.”

    Customer: *in a condescending tone* “Well, of course you haven’t heard of it. Maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you’d have a real job instead of delivering pizzas. And apparently even that’s too hard for you because you don’t even know what kind of cheese you use. You’ll probably end up making a career out of getting pregnant for welfare checks.”

    Me: “Actually sir, I’m just doing this for extra cash while I’m in University. And since I also do inventory and prep work, I’m certain we don’t carry this type of cheese.”

    Customer: “Well, I clicked the button for it on your website! That’s what I asked for and that’s what I was supposed to get!”

    (Snatching the receipt out of my hands, then shoving it right up in my face.)

    Customer: “GOD, it’s right there on the receipt! SEE?! Eeeeee-zonnn cheeeeeese!”

    Me: *suddenly understanding and laughing* “No.”

    Customer: “No?! What do you mean NO?!”

    Me: “You clicked the button for ‘easy on the cheese.’”

    (The customer goes silent and looks at the receipt again, where it says ‘EZon cheese.’ Then without a word he hurriedly tosses some money at me, rips the pizza bag out of my hands and slams the door in my face. I pick up the money off the ground and quickly count it to find it is short. I ring the doorbell a few times before he throws it open, looking livid.)

    Customer: “NOW what do you want?!”

    Me: *holding up the wadded bills* “I can count properly too, and you still owe $2.37. I’m also going to need the bag back.”

    (The customer makes a very dramatic show of stomping his feet as he goes back to the kitchen, and shoves three more dollar bills at me. As I am turning to leave, he explodes again.)

    Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

    Me: “Leaving.”

    Customer: “What about my change?! You think you’re getting a tip after what you put me through?! You still owe me fifty-seven cents!”

    Me: “No, a dollar minus thirty-seven is sixty-three. And we don’t carry anything smaller than a dollar bill. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “I am NEVER giving you people my business EVER AGAIN! You can kiss my money goodbye!!!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you were going to be placed on the no-delivery list anyway.”

    Surprisingly Latex Tolerant

    | Dover, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am stocking the dairy department in the store.)

    Customer: “Where’s the latex free milk?”

    (I felt really bad correcting him and kindly pointed and said:)

    Me: “Sir, the lactose free milk is right over there.”

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7

    | PA, USA | Funny Names, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Welcome to [Store]! Let me know if there’s any—”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have any questions; my brother works at the Ohio location.”

    Me: “Uhm, are you sure? We don’t have an Ohio location.”

    Customer: “Oh, you don’t know.”

    (She brushes me off and starts shopping. When she’s finished shopping, I start to check her out.)

    Customer: “I should get the employee discount, because of my brother.”

    Me: “Okay. Did he teach you the employee handshake?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “We only give the employee discount to people who know the secret handshake.”

    Customer: “How rude! Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “How about the owner instead? That would be me. I own both locations, neither are in Ohio.”

    Related:
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

    Gives New Meaning To ‘Can I Take Your Order’

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am in line at a deli. You place your order at the front counter, they make it, call out your name, and you pick it up at the back counter. It’s lunch time, so the line’s out the door.)

    Employee: “Susan!”

    (A male customer in a business suit walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “What’s the order?”

    Employee: “Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

    Employee: “Jerry!”

    Customer: “What’s that order?”

    Employee: “Do you not remember what name your order was under?”

    Customer: “Nah, I just don’t feel like waiting in line, so I figured I’d just wait until a ham and cheese came up, and grab it.”

    A Chain Reaction

    , | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

    (I stop at a regional fast food chain restaurant for dinner. As I pay, I accidentally pull out a credit card for a big box chain, but realize my mistake and switch cards before swiping. The cashier talks to someone in the drive-through…)

    Cashier: “Welcome to [Big Box Chain]. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

    (I’m not sure I heard that right, but then…)

    Kitchen Worker: “Uh, [Cashier], you realize this is [Fast Food Chain] and not [Big Box Chain].”

    Me: *loud enough they can hear me in the kitchen* “It’s my fault; I took out my [Fast Food Chain] card and he…” *trail off as I realize* “…now I’m doing it.”

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