October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Regina Phalange Calling

| Derbyshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Funny Names, Movies & TV

(My dad works in TV licensing, the main role of which is issuing warnings to people who haven’t paid their licenses. This exchange takes place as he’s reading back a form to a suspected license fraud filled in earlier in the day.)

Dad: “I think this either made the stupidest attempt not to get caught ever or she’s taking the p***.”

Me: “Why?”

Dad: “Well, under ‘name’ she’s put ‘Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock.'”

(I crack up, recognising the ‘Friends’ reference.)

Dad: “Hey, I’m the one who has to go back and sort this!”

Me: “Okay, here’s what you need to do…”

(I tell my dad a few ‘Friends’ quotes to slip into conversation, to make it clear he knows what she’s doing. Apparently she paid up (under her real name) as she didn’t think anyone would remember that show!)

Not Getting Owned By The Owner

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

(I happen to work at a chain whose owner shares the same last name as me. It’s pure coincidence but still comes in handy as shown below:)

Me: “Hello there! Will this be all?”

Lady: *gives me a disapproving look and places her merchandise on my register. I continue making small talk as I ring her up*

Me: “Will this be on your store card today?”

Lady: “Excuse me, do you know who I am?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Lady: “I am Dr. [Name], wife of Dr. [Name]. As a regular customer I expect to be addressed accordingly!”

Me: “…uh… I do apologize, ma’am.”

Lady: “That’s DOCTOR [Name] to you! Are you not listening to me or are you just r******d?”

Me: “Again, I apologize. I’m still relatively new here and have not had a chance to get to know all of our regular clientele.”

Lady: “Well, I’m still going to report you for such blatant disrespect. Who is your manager?”

Me: “That would be [Manager].”

Lady: “Well, expect them to give you a proper reprimand when I tell them…” *she looks at my name tag*  “Wait… Your last name is [Owner’s Name]?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Lady: “As in the Franchise Owner’s name?”

(I nod and the lady suddenly looks a lot less irritated, and a lot more worried.)

Lady: “Uh… actually, as you said, you’re new so I can overlook this… Ermmm…”

(She scurries off and my manager comes over trying to suppress his giggles.)

Manager: “That woman comes in here and makes life hell for everyone just because she and her husband met the owner on one occasion at a party. Looks like I owe you an apology.”

Me: “What for?”

Manager: “I thought you were being pretentious by asking to have your first and last name on your name tag. Now I see the genius behind it. Well done.”

Canola Or Can’tola

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work in something of a high end grocery store as a cashier. Most of our customers are great but every once in a while I come across one who thinks we aren’t high end enough. As part of my job I always try to ask the customers if they found everything they were looking for, and if not to then help them get it when that’s possible. A woman walks up to check out with a couple of items.)

Me: “Hi there! You find everything all right?”

Customer: “No, actually. I was disappointed you don’t have rapeseed oil. I really figured you would and I need it for a recipe. I think I’m going to have to go to a specialty store to get it now.”

Me: “You know, I could be wrong, but I think canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. If you want I could page our grocery section to double check and see if we have any?”

Customer: *as though I don’t know what I’m talking about* “No, no, no, I don’t think so. I’ll just go to a specialty store.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure companies avoid calling it rapeseed oil because of what it sounds like. I think most use another name and I think it’s canola oil.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure!”

Me: “All right, well, have a good day and I hope you find it!”

(I looked it up later and I was right. Canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. We definitely sell canola oil at our store.)

The Hannibal Special

| VT, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work for food service at a hospital.)

Customer: “I would like the human plate.”

Me: *pauses a moment thinking this over* “Did you mean hummus plate?”

Customer: “No I mean the human plate.”

Me: “Okay…” *sent the hummus plate*

Not That Kind Of Store

| Sweden | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Health & Body

(I’m a female pharmacist finishing up business with a male customer:)

Customer: “Oh, I’d also like a woman; can you please get me one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

Customer: “I want a woman, the cheap kind!”

(He looks at me dead serious.)

Me: “I’m not quite sure I understand…”

Customer: *slower* “I want a woman! But it has to be the cheap kind.”

(I keep looking at him in complete disbelief.)

Customer: *sighs* “How hard can it be? My wife asked me to get her one box of woman or whatever they are called. Where do you keep it? I can get it myself if you tell me where I can find it.”

Me: “Oh… you must mean the multi-vitamin. Wait, I’ll get it for you.”

Customer: *yells after me* “It has to be the cheap kind!”

(We have two kinds of multi-vitamin pill intended for women and both are labeled WOMAN. Apparently that was what he wanted.)

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