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    Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Not Quite Married To The Name Yet

    | NB, Canada | Funny Names, Hotels & Lodging

    (At the hotel where I work we keep our customer’s personal information on file so that they don’t have to repeat it every time they stay.)

    Customer: “I’d like to reserve a room for tonight, a double room, and my name is [Customer]. You should have my information on file already.”

    Me: “Absolutely, ma’am. Let me see… I don’t seem to have anything under that name. Is this the name you used last time you stayed with us?”

    Customer: “Of course! It’s my name; I always use it. What other name would I use?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s just that we save the information by name and sometimes a client gives their name when the room was last booked under their spouse’s or parent’s name. Let me try a different spelling. Hmmm, still nothing. Did you stay here recently, as in within the last 12 months?”

    Customer: “It’s been less than that. I was here not long ago! How hard can it be to find my information? My name is [Customer].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t have anything here. In any case I’d be happy to reserve this room for you if you can just give me a telephone number and credit card…”

    Customer: “Absolutely not! You have my information and I’m not giving you anything! When I arrive later I expect to have my room ready with my personal information attached. My name is [Customer] and that is all you need. You must obviously be new here.”

    Me: “Actually, I’ve been here for two years, ma’am. Unfortunately I do not have access to your profile. I have nothing under the name you provided me, and I’ve even checked various spellings of the name. Are you certain you were here less than 12 months ago? Our system deletes profiles that haven’t been used for 12 months.”

    Customer: “I WAS JUST THERE! You are incompetent. I expect you to have my room ready when I arrive and be sure that I will be contacting your manager to have you retrained on how to use your system.” *hangs up*

    (Later, the customer comes in to check in and is furious that I still do not have her information on file. After reluctantly giving me at least her credit card number, I get her checked in and provide her with her room keys. As she’s walking away:)

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know if it makes a difference but every other time we’ve stayed here we booked under my husband’s name, [Completely Different Name]. Can you find it if you look for that name? I mean, we were just here on [gives a date over three years ago]. You should have it.”

    Me: *trying not to bang my head on the desk* “I’ll take a look in the system, ma’am. Have a nice evening.”

    Customer: “I will when you learn to navigate your own computer system.”

    Failed At The Name Game

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

    (I work at an insurance agency in Colorado. There are only a few other people in my office, none of which are named Steve.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Insurance Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “STEVE?!”

    Me: “No, this is [My Name]. Can I help you with something?”

    Customer: “Where is Steve?”

    Me: “I don’t believe a Steve works here. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just talked to Steve. I know there is a Steve there.”

    (At this point I realize that it was the customer I just got off the phone with two minutes ago.)

    Me: “Oh, yes! Let me go get Steve for you…” *I deepen my voice a little* “Hello, this is Steve.”

    Customer: “Oh, hi, Steve! Can you tell [My Name] to just transfer my calls to you from now on? I don’t want to talk to him. He doesn’t sound like he knows what he is doing.”

    The Luxury Of Name-Dropping

    | Birmingham, MI, USA | Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I am the manager at a local palladium. There are 12 theatres. Two of them are bigger and the chairs are more comfy so there is an extra $1 fee per ticket for them. It says outside and inside the palladium when the movie times are for the luxury theatres.)

    Customer: “Five tickets for [luxury show].”

    Me: “Okay your total will be $40.”

    Customer: “Wait I thought it was just $35.”

    Me: Well, normally it would be, but that movie is playing in the luxury theatres so it is an extra dollar fee per ticket.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not paying for that! That is outrageous! I don’t care where I sit but I’m not paying the extra money! You’re trying to rip me off, aren’t you! I know your manager and I want to see him right now!”

    Me: “Sir, I am sorry to inform you but that would be me and I do not recognize you.”

    Customer: “You should do! We had a long conversation and everything!”

    (I flip my nametag around and say:)

    Me: “Sir, if you can tell me my name, I will wave the extra fee for you, and please do it fast because you are holding up the line.”

    Customer: *pauses* “I’ll just pay the extra money…”

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice time.”

    Having A ‘Hey’ Day

    | MN, USA | Awesome Workers, Funny Names

    (I work in a store that sells various parts for various machines. It’s a policy/allowance that customers can bring in items that need a replacement to help us better identify what they are looking for at the store. This particular customer brings in an item I’ve never seen before.)

    Customer #1: “Hello, can you help me find a replacement part for this?”

    Me: “I can definitely try; do you know what it is?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, it’s a fuel tank cap.”

    Me: *after looking through the book to see if we have anything like it* “I’m afraid we don’t sell that in our store, but we can order it for you special if you’d like.”

    (The customer now turns extremely rude.)

    Customer #1: “You know what, I’m just gonna go find a store that actually sells what they say they are going to sell, and actually has it in stock. Okay, missy?”

    (She turns to walk away, and I go to finish a task I had started.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! Hey you in the shirt!”

    (I turn around to see the customer who had the tank cap is talking to me again.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, my husband needs help here.”

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer #2: “Yea, I’m looking for [spray] for my cattle.”

    (I lead him to the aisle that has the items he is looking for.)

    Me: “Is that it for you, sir?”

    Customer #2: “Yes, thank you.”

    Customer #1: *under her breath* “At least she found what HE was looking for!”

    (I start to walk away again when I hear shouting from the same customer.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, HEY YOU! MY HUSBAND HAS A QUESTION!”

    (I go and help Customer #2, with Customer #1 making very rude comments about my service to her. Finally, I turn and face her.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I would love to help you order that part you are looking for; however, I will have to wait until you are not negatively commenting every move I make. I am very sorry we did not have the part you wanted in the store, but I offered you another option which you clearly stated was not in your interest. If you change your mind, I will be down aisle four. Have a nice day.”

    (I start walking away now, being the husband is done.)

    Customer #1: “Hey—”

    Me: “My name is not ‘Hey,’ and I would like it very much if you referred to me properly, as I have with you. If you do have any more questions, I will be down aisle four.”

    (I never did get a complaint.)

    Had No Doubt She Was In The Wrong Place

    , | TX, USA | Funny Names, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is about a week before Christmas and I am opening the clothing store I manage by myself. I run to the food court to grab some breakfast, and when I returned to the store there was a middle-aged woman standing in front of the doors.)

    Me: “Good morning!” *I bend down to unlock the doors*

    Customer: “Hi! What time do you open?”

    Me: “We open at 10:00, and it’s about a quarter ‘til right now. I’m just gonna eat this really quick and open the registers and then I’ll open up the store.”

    Customer: *cheerfully* “Oh, okay! Take your time!”

    (While I eat and finish up my opening procedures, the customer just paces in front of the windows, looking intently at all of our window displays. I end up opening the doors a few minutes early, and while I’m placing the signs outside the doors she walks in and heads straight to the registers. I figure she’s wanting to purchase a gift card since she’s not looking around the store. I walk back to the registers to assist her.)

    Me: “So, what can I help you find today?”

    Customer: “I’m just here to pick up the No Doubt vinyl.”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry; I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: *sighs* “You know, the vinyl!”

    Me: *confused* “We have a men’s cologne called Vinyl. Is that what you were looking for?”

    Customer: *sighing loudly* “No, not cologne! Vinyl! You know, like a record! The No Doubt record!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know what records are, but we don’t sell them here.”

    Customer: *starts glaring at me* “What?! What do you mean you don’t sell it here?”

    Me: *gesturing around the store* “We sell clothes, shoes, and accessories, but no music. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “But I spoke to you on the phone not even 30 minutes ago, and you said you’d hold the vinyl for me! Why would you say you’d put something on hold that you don’t even sell?”

    Me: I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as you can see, I’m the only one here, and I haven’t spoken to anyone on the phone all morning. I also would never tell someone we would hold a product that we don’t even carry. Are you sure you’re in the right store?”

    Customer: “Well, this is Hot Topic isn’t it?!”

    Me: *sighing* “No, ma’am, that’s next door. On your left hand side.”

    Customer: *suddenly cheerful again* “Oh, why didn’t you just say so?”

    (I have no idea how she stood outside my store staring in the windows for 15 minutes and didn’t realize she was in the wrong place!)

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