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  • Category: Funny Names

    If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

    Had No Doubt She Was In The Wrong Place

    , | TX, USA | Funny Names, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is about a week before Christmas and I am opening the clothing store I manage by myself. I run to the food court to grab some breakfast, and when I returned to the store there was a middle-aged woman standing in front of the doors.)

    Me: “Good morning!” *I bend down to unlock the doors*

    Customer: “Hi! What time do you open?”

    Me: “We open at 10:00, and it’s about a quarter ‘til right now. I’m just gonna eat this really quick and open the registers and then I’ll open up the store.”

    Customer: *cheerfully* “Oh, okay! Take your time!”

    (While I eat and finish up my opening procedures, the customer just paces in front of the windows, looking intently at all of our window displays. I end up opening the doors a few minutes early, and while I’m placing the signs outside the doors she walks in and heads straight to the registers. I figure she’s wanting to purchase a gift card since she’s not looking around the store. I walk back to the registers to assist her.)

    Me: “So, what can I help you find today?”

    Customer: “I’m just here to pick up the No Doubt vinyl.”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry; I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: *sighs* “You know, the vinyl!”

    Me: *confused* “We have a men’s cologne called Vinyl. Is that what you were looking for?”

    Customer: *sighing loudly* “No, not cologne! Vinyl! You know, like a record! The No Doubt record!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know what records are, but we don’t sell them here.”

    Customer: *starts glaring at me* “What?! What do you mean you don’t sell it here?”

    Me: *gesturing around the store* “We sell clothes, shoes, and accessories, but no music. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “But I spoke to you on the phone not even 30 minutes ago, and you said you’d hold the vinyl for me! Why would you say you’d put something on hold that you don’t even sell?”

    Me: I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as you can see, I’m the only one here, and I haven’t spoken to anyone on the phone all morning. I also would never tell someone we would hold a product that we don’t even carry. Are you sure you’re in the right store?”

    Customer: “Well, this is Hot Topic isn’t it?!”

    Me: *sighing* “No, ma’am, that’s next door. On your left hand side.”

    Customer: *suddenly cheerful again* “Oh, why didn’t you just say so?”

    (I have no idea how she stood outside my store staring in the windows for 15 minutes and didn’t realize she was in the wrong place!)

    Marie, Marie, Quite Contrary

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Funny Names

    (Though I’m not the receptionist, I answer the main phone line at work, so I’m responsible for routing calls and answering general questions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Can I talk to Marie?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have anyone here by that name.”

    Caller: “Marie Stevens?”

    Me: “Sorry, there’s still no one here named Marie.”

    Consoling Himself With Lies

    | MI, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    (An older man comes in, looking perplexed.)

    Me: “Sir, was there something I could help you find?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get a PS3 but don’t have enough money. How much would I get for my Xbox?”

    Me: “Is it an original Xbox, or an Xbox 360?”

    Customer: “It’s just an Xbox 2.”

    (I show him what the original Xbox and the Xbox 360 looks like.)

    Customer: “I’m telling you, it’s the Xbox 2!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t know what that is, so we cannot accept it on trade.”

    (At this point he is clearly getting frustrated.)

    Customer: “Well, do you take the PS2 or the Wii on trade?”

    Me: “Yes, right now the original PS2 goes for $15 and the newer, slim model goes for $20. The Wii’s currently go for around $70.”

    Customer: “Well good, ’cause you ain’t gettin’ mine!”

    (He snickered to himself and left, convinced he had an Xbox 2.)

    Go Easy On The Brain

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am delivering to a customer who placed their order online. When I get to the door I begin reading off the ticket to make sure everything is correct and accounted for, as is standard procedure, when the customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: “And what kind of cheese did you put on it?”

    Me: “I believe we use mozzarella and parmesan.”

    Customer: “NO! That is NOT what I ordered! You were supposed to make it with Ezon cheese!” *pronouncing ‘ezon’ with a pretentious French accent*

    Me: “Um… Sorry, but I’ve never heard of this cheese, and as far as I know we don’t use it.”

    Customer: *in a condescending tone* “Well, of course you haven’t heard of it. Maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you’d have a real job instead of delivering pizzas. And apparently even that’s too hard for you because you don’t even know what kind of cheese you use. You’ll probably end up making a career out of getting pregnant for welfare checks.”

    Me: “Actually sir, I’m just doing this for extra cash while I’m in University. And since I also do inventory and prep work, I’m certain we don’t carry this type of cheese.”

    Customer: “Well, I clicked the button for it on your website! That’s what I asked for and that’s what I was supposed to get!”

    (Snatching the receipt out of my hands, then shoving it right up in my face.)

    Customer: “GOD, it’s right there on the receipt! SEE?! Eeeeee-zonnn cheeeeeese!”

    Me: *suddenly understanding and laughing* “No.”

    Customer: “No?! What do you mean NO?!”

    Me: “You clicked the button for ‘easy on the cheese.’”

    (The customer goes silent and looks at the receipt again, where it says ‘EZon cheese.’ Then without a word he hurriedly tosses some money at me, rips the pizza bag out of my hands and slams the door in my face. I pick up the money off the ground and quickly count it to find it is short. I ring the doorbell a few times before he throws it open, looking livid.)

    Customer: “NOW what do you want?!”

    Me: *holding up the wadded bills* “I can count properly too, and you still owe $2.37. I’m also going to need the bag back.”

    (The customer makes a very dramatic show of stomping his feet as he goes back to the kitchen, and shoves three more dollar bills at me. As I am turning to leave, he explodes again.)

    Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

    Me: “Leaving.”

    Customer: “What about my change?! You think you’re getting a tip after what you put me through?! You still owe me fifty-seven cents!”

    Me: “No, a dollar minus thirty-seven is sixty-three. And we don’t carry anything smaller than a dollar bill. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “I am NEVER giving you people my business EVER AGAIN! You can kiss my money goodbye!!!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you were going to be placed on the no-delivery list anyway.”

    Surprisingly Latex Tolerant

    | Dover, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am stocking the dairy department in the store.)

    Customer: “Where’s the latex free milk?”

    (I felt really bad correcting him and kindly pointed and said:)

    Me: “Sir, the lactose free milk is right over there.”

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