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Contact Form Don’t Ask What He Puts In His Granola
(A customer comes in, and looks confused for several minutes.)
Me: “Sir, can I help you find something?”
Customer: “Where is the yogurt?”
Me: “All of our dairy products are in the cooler.”
Customer: “No, yogurt. You know, yogurt that you put under your arms.”
Me: “…you mean deodorant?”
Customer: “Yes, yogurt!”
Me: “…aisle four.”
(1,228 Thumbs Up!)How To Devalue Your Crown Jewels
Me: “Are you looking for something in particular, sir?”
Customer: “Yes, do you sell those Chlamydia beads?”
Me: “Uh… do you mean the Chamillia beads?”
Customer: “Yes, why, what did I call them?”
Me: “You don’t want to know what you called them.”
(1,023 Thumbs Up!)Initially Incorrect, But They Nipped It In The Bud
(I work at a design firm. A few of our designers have special design achievements that are abbreviated in initials in a smaller script after their name on their business card. I am working in our showroom when a customer comes up to me with a question.)
Customer: “Excuse me. I am looking for the young man I was talking to earlier.”
Me: “Sure, we have several male designers here. Do you remember his name?”
Customer: “No, but he gave me his business card.”
(She looks around confused for a moment, then her face lights up when she remembers something.)
Customer: “He has really small nipples!”
Me: “Excuse me!”
Customer: “Nipples.”
Me: “Uhm… anything more descriptive?”
(A look of horror crosses her face as she realizes what she has said.)
Customer: “Initials! After his name on his card, he has really small initials.”
(1,192 Thumbs Up!)Darn-Fangled Dangle
Me: “Welcome to [name of ISP] support. This is [my name]; how can I help?”
Customer: “I have a new dangler!”
Me: *stifling a laugh* “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. Could you repeat that?”
Customer: “I. HAVE. A. DANGLER!”
Me: “I see, and what help might I offer you today?”
Customer: “My dangler isn’t working! Fix my dangler!”
(I realize she is talking about a mobile broadband ‘dongle’. I run through some basic troubleshooting, and fix the problem.)
Customer: “Thank you for your help! I do hate danglers, they never work the way you want them to!”
(854 Thumbs Up!)Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 8
(A coworker and I are walking around the theater seeing if anything needs to be done. A woman and about 6 children are walking down the hallway. One of the young girls starts running around.)
Customer: “Bella! Bella! Stop running, Bella! Bella!”
(She looks at her young son who is behaving well and pats him on the head.)
Customer: “Good job, Edward.”
Me: *speechless*
Coworker: “I wonder what the others are named.”
Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 7
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight
(1,068 Thumbs Up!)
Not Always Romantic
Not Always Related
Not Always Working
Not Always Learning