(A customer comes in, and looks confused for several minutes.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Where is the yogurt?”

Me: “All of our dairy products are in the cooler.”

Customer: “No, yogurt. You know, yogurt that you put under your arms.”

Me: “…you mean deodorant?”

Customer: “Yes, yogurt!”

Me: “…aisle four.”

Me: “Are you looking for something in particular, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, do you sell those Chlamydia beads?”

Me: “Uh… do you mean the Chamillia beads?”

Customer: “Yes, why, what did I call them?”

Me: “You don’t want to know what you called them.”

(I work at a design firm. A few of our designers have special design achievements that are abbreviated in initials in a smaller script after their name on their business card. I am working in our showroom when a customer comes up to me with a question.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I am looking for the young man I was talking to earlier.”

Me: “Sure, we have several male designers here. Do you remember his name?”

Customer: “No, but he gave me his business card.”

(She looks around confused for a moment, then her face lights up when she remembers something.)

Customer: “He has really small nipples!”

Me: “Excuse me!”

Customer: “Nipples.”

Me: “Uhm… anything more descriptive?”

(A look of horror crosses her face as she realizes what she has said.)

Customer: “Initials! After his name on his card, he has really small initials.”

Me: “Welcome to [name of ISP] support. This is [my name]; how can I help?”

Customer: “I have a new dangler!”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I. HAVE. A. DANGLER!”

Me: “I see, and what help might I offer you today?”

Customer: “My dangler isn’t working! Fix my dangler!”

(I realize she is talking about a mobile broadband ‘dongle’. I run through some basic troubleshooting, and fix the problem.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help! I do hate danglers, they never work the way you want them to!”

(A coworker and I are walking around the theater seeing if anything needs to be done. A woman and about 6 children are walking down the hallway. One of the young girls starts running around.)

Customer: “Bella! Bella! Stop running, Bella! Bella!”

(She looks at her young son who is behaving well and pats him on the head.)

Customer: “Good job, Edward.”

Me: *speechless*

Coworker: “I wonder what the others are named.”

Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 7
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight