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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    Low On The Milk Of Human Kindness

    | West Sussex, England, UK | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Wild & Unruly

    (My wife and I do our weekly shop every Monday. My wife’s a primary school teacher and has a very calm, nature. She’s also practiced judo since early childhood, runs a class at weekends, and has a self-defense class that uses non-excessive force. My wife has offered to get the ingredients for her school to make pancakes the next day, as it is the day before Shrove Tuesday (Pancake Day). Most ingredients are shared but we need 14 two-pint jugs of milk. My wife is at the pancake display. There are loads of ready made, ready mix, and separate ingredient on display. My wife is counting out the 14 jugs of milk, when another customer approaches.)

    Customer: “Jesus, lady, leave some for the rest of us.”

    Wife: *looking at the display* “I’m sure there’s enough for everyone.”

    (My wife moves the trolley to try and leave.)

    Customer: “Stuck-up b****.”

    (My wife carries on moving as she has what she needs.)

    Customer: *moving his trolley to block my wife* “Hey, don’t ignore me. I asked you a question.”

    Wife: “No, you didn’t. You told me to leave some, even though there’s more than enough. Then you called me a stuck-up b****. Please move your trolley so I can get away from you.”

    Customer: “How many you got in there? 14?” *he takes two milks out* “Now you only have 10.”

    Wife: “Not only are you rude, you’re also an idiot. 14 minus 2 is 12.” *reaches out and gets two more milks* “Now there’s 14 again.”

    (She moves her trolley quickly around the man. By now people are starting to stare. I make a move to go to her but she gives me a look so I stay where I am. The man takes a step towards her and puts his hand around her wrist.)

    Customer: “You think you’re better than me, b****?!”

    Wife: *very calmly* “Sir, I have tried to ignore you’re insults and politely asked you to move. You will not leave me alone. Now you have placed you hands on me in a threatening manner. This is considered assault. If you do not let go of me NOW I am within my rights to defend myself. Do you understand?”

    (The customer just looks at her as if she’s spoken another language.)

    Wife: “I have given you fair warning. I am obliged to warn you that I know judo. Please let go of me.”

    (My wife tries to move her arm but he holds a little tighter.)

    Customer: “You think you can hurt me, you b—”

    (My wife uses the heel of her hand to strike the man in the face, causing his nose to bleed. She then flips him, where he lands with an almighty crash half on the floor and half on the display. While he is laying, screaming, she bends his index finger back (without breaking it) so he cannot get away. We hear heavy footsteps as security and staff comes running. People are just standing around, amazed.)

    Security Guard: “What’s going on? Miss, you need to let go of him now, please.”

    Wife: *very calmly* “This man was very rude and abusive to me. I asked him several times to leave me alone but he held my arm. I warned him I know judo, but he decided to hold on tighter. I then defended myself against a personal attack.

    (The police were called and the man was taken away. My wife, I, and a few other customers were questioned by police as to what happened. As we all said the same thing, and my wife did not use excessive force, we were all told to go on our way. The supermarket donated the pancake ingredients to the school and my wife and I received £500 in vouchers. The customer has been banned from that store and the other major supermarkets in the area.)

    A Listening Ear Can Switch Gear

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a security guard for a company unaffiliated with the business I provide security for. I literally sit in a shack and sign reps from other companies in and out of the complex. I am way over-qualified for this position, but it is perfect for going to school.)

    Me: “Morning, sir. What brings you to [Company]?”

    Customer: “MY DAD DIED TWO YEARS AGO AND THEY WON’T TRANSFER THE OWNERSHIP OF THE BILLS TO ME!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Here is where you have to go.” *gives site name directions and what to do and say*

    Customer: “Ugh! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I DROVE TWO HOURS TO THIS LOCATION JUST TO BE TOLD THAT I’M WRONG!?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “WELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO CUSTOMER SERVICE IN THE WORLD!? I WANT YOU TO TRANSFER MY BILLS TO ME!”

    Me: “Not my problem, sir. I don’t work for [Company]. I just provide security from customers like you.”

    Customer: “GAH! *slams his sports car into reverse and leaves pretty thick black lines in the concrete* “D*** IT!”

    (Hours later, the guy came back with coffee and some sandwiches, parked in front of the shack, apologized profusely, and told me about recent events: cheating wife, ungrateful daughter, and a recent suicide by his mother. I listened and give him my number and told him to call whenever he needed a friendly ear. He calls once a month.)

    Listed Under Idiot

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    Me: *waiting for answer on phone* “Hello. Can I speak to [Name], please?”

    Woman: “Sorry, I don’t know anyone called [Name].”

    Me: “Is that [Company]?”

    Woman: “No, it’s not.”

    Me: “Oh, I must have dialled a wrong number. I’m sorry to have troubled you.” *hangs up*

    Me: *while checking the number I need, my phone rings* “Hello, [Company]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [Company] and I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Where did you get this number?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir, but you just rang us.”

    Angry Man: “No, I didn’t. You rang me!”

    Me: *thinks he may have been on hold from another department* “Oh, well if you tell me who you were talking to I’ll try and connect you.”

    Angry Man: “I don’t want to talk to anybody. I want to know how you got this number!”

    Me: “Um, well can you tell me who you are and I’ll have a look?”

    Angry Man: “I’m not telling you my name!”

    Me: *realizes* “Is this the number I rang before?”

    Angry Man: “Yes! I used callback to find who you are and I demand to know where you got this number!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t have your number. I was trying to call someone else and made a mistake.”

    Angry man: “You’re lying. You can’t dial my number! Tell me where you got it!”

    Me: “I don’t understand. If I can’t dial your number how did I dial it?”

    Angry man: “That’s what I want to know!”

    Me: “Does your phone not receive calls?”

    Angry man: “Of course it does!”

    Me: “Then how couldn’t I dial it?”

    Angry Man: “It’s NOT LISTED!”

    Me: “Ah, I see. That doesn’t mean I can’t dial it. It just means it’s not in the phone book.”

    Angry Man: “Exactly. You’re not allowed to know it, so where did you get it from?”

    Me: “I don’t know how clearly I can say this: I rang your phone by accident. It was a mistake. I do not know your number. It was an error.”

    Angry Man: “I demand to speak to the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    Angry Man: “What is your name?”

    Me: “I already told you; my name is [Name] and this is (company).”

    Angry Man: “I demand to know where you got my number from!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t think I can explain this any clearer. If you would like to make a complaint please call us on our customer service number. You’ll find it listed in the phone book. Goodbye” *hangs up*

    He Has Mama Issues

    | Stettler, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a fairly new cashier at a popular fast food restaurant. Our burgers have names, like ‘Mama Burger’ or ‘Teen Burger.’)

    Customer: *obviously intoxicated* “I want a cheeseburger and I want it hot. I don’t want it sitting in the f******* warmer.”

    (As there is no listing for cheeseburger, I automatically change it to a ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Of course, sir, that’ll be $7.50.”

    (I continue on with my job, cleaning trays and wiping tables, as someone else bags food. After several minutes I notice the customer is still standing there without his food. There is a bag sitting on the counter, and as I check the receipt I notice it is his ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe this is your meal here. Your cheeseburger?”

    Customer: “I ORDERED A GODD*** CHEESEBURGER OVER 10 MINUTES AGO! NOT A ‘MAMA BURGER’!”

    (As he continues on, my manager steps in and I quietly go hide in the back room and watch and listen.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry for the mix up, sir. This is a cheeseburger, but in this restaurant it’s called a—”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHAT IT’S CALLED. I’VE WAITED OVER 10 MINUTES! THIS IS WHY YOU PEOPLE ONLY MAKE MINIMUM WAGE! ANY MONKEY COULD TAKE YOUR JOBS AND DO BETTER!”

    Manager: *calmly* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: *snatches food from counter* “I’M SO MAD, I COULD JUST—” *raises his fist to manager’s face* “I SHOULD BURN THIS BUILDING DOWN ON TOP OF ALL OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF S***!”

    Manager: “You should not be out drinking and driving. It puts everyone in danger.”

    Customer: “I’VE NEVER HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! NO DRUGS EITHER!”

    *storms out with his food*

    Next Customer In Line: “That’s a lie. He has had to be removed by police from [Other Fast Food Restaurant] four times. We’re instructed to phone police if he enters the premises.”

    Me: *comes out of hiding*

    Coworker: “You saw that coming, huh? I was wondering why you were hiding.”

    Me: “This job… It gets better, right?”

    Coworker: “No.”

    In A Very Angry Slate

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer is trying to return a flat cart loaded with at least $400 worth of slate tile. I work as an inventory manager at this particular store.)

    Customer: “I need to return this tile.”

    Returns Associate: “Do you have a receipt or at least the box this tile came in?”

    (The customer had neither, so the return could not be processed. The argument went back and forth until finally the customer stormed out of the store. He left his cart of slate tile by the front door, then got into his vehicle and drove it in front of the store. I assumed he was going to load everything back into his vehicle. Instead he dumped the tile onto the ground and moved the cart inside. He got back in his truck and drove it over the pile of tile, back and forth three times, then sped away. All of the employees watched this with wide eyes. We grabbed a couple of trash cans and loaded up the broken pieces. I asked a manager if I could take any of the whole pieces of tile home and was told I could. I was able to completely tile my front porch with all of the whole tile! The customer could have easily sold his tile to any of the contractors or resale shops in the city but instead decided to ‘show us.’)

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