Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,195 thumbs up)
  • Category: Wild & Unruly

    When Push Comes To Shove

    | Christiana, DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a security guard at a major retailer in the mall. One of my duties is to pre-lock our store at the end of the night. We leave the middle door unlocked for customers to exit while locking the side doors. While finishing my lock up, a customer runs up and tries to exit the store.)

    Customer: “You’re not locking me in here! You’re not even closed yet!”

    Me: “Sir, we only pre-lock. If you just—”

    Customer: “No, you are a worthless, fake mall cop. Did you even graduate high school? Now, let me out!” *keeps pulling on the door*

    Me: “Sir, you just need to—”

    Customer: “I said, open the door! I want your manager!”

    Me: “No problem, sir.” *calls store manager*

    Manager: *comes up on the scene* “What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “He won’t let me out of the building. I am a paying customer and I demand to be let out.”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What is the problem?”

    Me: “He was trying to pull open a push door.”

    Customer: *pushes open the door* “Oh, I erm, uh…” *leaves sheepishly*

    Positively Pissed Off

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (A woman had bought a pregnancy test earlier and has come back into the store a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “I want a refund for this pregnancy test!”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. What seems to be wrong with it? Do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: *yelling* “It says I am pregnant! I did not buy this to tell me I am pregnant!”

    Me: “Oh…well, we cannot accept it since it has been used, for sanitary reasons. Also, that is what the test is for, ma’am: it tells you whether you are pregnant or not.”

    (The woman grows angry and starts cussing at me, so I call my supervisor to the front. They tell her the same thing I’ve told her.)

    Customer: “Fine! If I can’t get a refund, you can take it back!” *throws the wet test at me and storms out*

    She Didn’t Marry Him For His Sense

    | London, UK | Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a law firm as an office manager and administrator. Our firm only deals with criminal law, personal injury and immigration. A scruffy-looking guy comes in one day.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wonder if you could help me. My wife is going to divorce me and I want custody of my kids.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t deal with family law here. Only criminal, personal injury, and immigration.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you help me?! My kids need to be with me; their mum is crazy!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not deal with family law here. I would be happy to refer you to another firm that can help you.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Oh, you are just discriminating against me! Get your manager for me right now!”

    Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Oh, hi there. I wondered if you could help me. My wife wants to divorce me.”

    Me: “I’ve already told you we can’t help you here.”

    Customer: “But look, I’ve got lots of money. I can pay you if that’s the problem!”

    (The man then picks up a bag he has, turns it upside down, and empties the whole bag full of pennies onto my desk.)

    Customer: “See, money. Now, help me.”

    Me: “Listen, you need to leave right now. Take your pennies and leave the building, or I’m going to call security.”

    Customer: “Aah!” *picks up a penny, throws it at me, and runs out, leaving all his pennies*

    Fully Booked, Literally

    | North Carolina, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (An older gentleman comes in. I get his ID and other information and begin the check-in process. After I’ve entered everything and tell him that the total is ~$90, he shows me a coupon in a book that he was hiding behind his back.)

    Customer: “I’d like to use the coupon in this book to get the room for $57.99.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have a limited number of rooms we are able to sell at that rate. Do you happen to be a member of AAA or AARP?”

    Customer: “No, and I want the room at this price! If you’re not going to give it to me for this price, don’t print it in the d*** book!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. I see you’ve never stayed with us before. I can give you a first-time discount, which would bring the price of the room down to $65.”

    Customer: “You will give me the room for $57.99 like it says in the book! Get a real job! Loser kids…” *mumbles*

    Me: “I’m a college student and I work full-time.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a d***! F*** you!” *throws book at me*

    (I duck just in time. The book hits the wall behind me.)

    Me: “Have a great night, sir!”

    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    | Dewitt, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working an average rush hour at a large grocery store when I approach the end of an elderly woman’s order.)

    Me: “Okay, this will be $46.48.”

    Customer: *starts hitting card reader with signature pen* “Your machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you need to swipe your card before you can sign.”

    Customer: *continues to hit card reader with pen* “Your g**d*** machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop hitting the machine. You need to swipe you card.”

    Customer: *throws pen at me* “Your machine’s broken!”

    Me: “It isn’t broken. You just haven’t swiped your card yet.”

    Customer: “Your machine’s broken! See?!”

    (When she flips the card reader around, it is indeed broken—by her, of course.)

    Related:
    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

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