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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    So Stupid He Could Kick Himself

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Wild & Unruly

    Customer: "What sort of fuel economy does this one have?"

    Me: "Sir, you’re in the wrong lot. That’s another customer’s car."

    Customer: "So this one’s reserved? What about the blue one over there?"

    Me: "You need to go back to the front of the building. These are all the cars that other customers drove here in."

    Customer: "Wait, what? So I can just drive them?"

    Me: "No. You can test drive a specific unit of each of our models, but these cars belong to other people."

    Customer: "So you’re just going to deprive me of everything? Fine! I’m leaving!"

    (He kicks another car on the way out.)

    Customer: "Wait… f***! That’s mine!”

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2

    | Wyoming, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (We’ve had to close down a road due to a car crash in a snow storm. Fire trucks and ambulances are there with lights flashing to block the road. I’m at one side of the street directing traffic.)

    Driver: *slows down looking at the scene* “What happened?”

    Me: “Accident, ma’am. Please keep moving.”

    Driver: “Can I go down the street? It’s a shortcut.”

    Me: “The road is closed, but you need to keep moving…you are going to cause another accident.”

    Driver: “I didn’t cause any accident! I’m a good driver, how dare you imply that I’m not?! I’m just trying to get home…why are you being so rude?! I will have your badge, you little b****!”

    Me: “Ma’am if you are not going to move then you need to pull to the side of the road now!”

    Driver: “I pay your salary! You are supposed to help people! Don’t you want me to get home? I have a family, you know!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you do not pull to the side of the road right now or drive away I am going to arrest you.”

    Driver: “Fine!”

    (With that, she drives straight down the closed street and nearly hits me. Due to all the snow she loses control and crashes into one of the parked cruisers.)

    Driver: “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me the road was closed?!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy

    Disco Stu Does Not Approve

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A man walks into our crowded coffee shop and yells at the top of his lungs.)

    Man: “EVERYBODY GET DOWN!”

    Supervisor: “Oh no, it’s a robbery!” *begins to call security*

    Man: “…on the DANCE FLOOR!”

    (The man then “dances” up to the front, past shocked customers, grabs a bottle of water, and “dances” out of the store. Security nabs him outside the door.)

    Acute Mental Failure

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: At our hospital, patients are called into private registration rooms where all demographic information is completed.)

    Me: “Come on in and we’ll get your paperwork ready.”

    (The patient enters room and I close the door.)

    Me: “So, how are you?”

    Patient: “…”

    (There are 2 large comfy chairs in front of the patient, but she’s still standing.)

    Me:“Uh…everything ok?”

    Patient: “…”

    Me: “Well, uh, so…what procedure are you having today?”

    Patient: “…”

    Me: “Is that your doctor’s order?”

    Patient: “…”

    (The patient throws the paper at me. It has most of the info I need to register her, so I don’t ask any more questions. After a minute, I have all of her paperwork ready. During this entire time, still hasn’t sat down.)

    Me: “Alright, here is your face sheet. If you’ll go down the hall and hand that to radiology they’ll take care of the rest.”

    Patient: “Let me ask you a question now. Why didn’t you tell me to have a seat? You are the most rude person I have ever met!”

    (She takes her papers and pushes on the door to open it, not realizing she needs to pull.)

    Patient: “Ahhhh! Let me out of here, he’s locked me in! Help, help!”

    (The patient knocks over my computer, flips the chairs and starts throwing stuff at me; I hide under the desk during her rampage. Hearing the commotion, security comes in and the patient runs out of the room and out of the hospital, never to be seen again. Afterwards…)

    Security: “They really should start paying you more.”

    Another Darwin Awards Candidate

    | Portugal | Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working the night shift when suddenly a guy dressed in black with a mask over his head comes in. He pulls out a gun and comes heading my way. Without even thinking, I incapacitate him with a basic self-defense skill.)

    Customer: “HOLY S***! What the h*** are you doing?”

    Me: “Sir, you were about to hold me up!”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You came into the store with a mask over your head and gun in hand.”

    (At this point, I notice that the gun is a controller for a game. I let him go.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry about what just happened, sir. So you wanted that fixed, right?”

    Customer: “It’s… no big deal, can you fix it anyway?”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

    (After checking the wiring and whatnot inside the gun, I find some faulty chipwork and fix it.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “Thanks.” *pays up*

    Me: “Just one thing, though.”

    Customer: “Ah, yeah?”

    Me: “What’s with the mask?”

    Customer: “Sometimes, I like to pretend!” *giggles and walks out*

    (I never worked the night shift again.)

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