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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    In Threat Of A Disconnect

    | Nottingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a large local cable and telephone company. My department deals with clients that haven’t paid their bills and had their service suspended. I have dealt with a lot of abuse everyday for the last two years. This has taken its toll and I’m now in my final week of my month’s notice. A particularly vile client has come through. We have suspended his cable service on the day of a big football match.)

    Me: “Good afternoon. You’re through to [Cable Company]. My name is [First Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Listen b****. You need to turn my cable back on right now! I’ve got f****** friends coming over to watch the match!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It looks like your service has been suspended as you have two months charges currently outstanding. We will be unable to reconnect your service without the account being settled in full. However, if you would like me to take a card payment now I can get you reconnected in about 10 minutes.”

    Customer: “Listen, you’ll get your money when I’m good and ready. I’m sick of your company. I swear I’m going to rip your f****** equipment out of the wall and throw it in the garden if you don’t switch it back on NOW!”

    Me: “I wouldn’t advise that, sir. The box is leased, so any damage would be added to your bill. So, did you wish to make a card payment so I can get you reconnected?”

    Customer: “LISTEN, YOU S***!”

    Me: “Can you please refrain from using bad language? You have not paid your bill for two months and would have received a notice and a final notice to warn you of this. If you are unwilling to pay the bill today there is nothing further I can do for you. Once you pay at [locations] or over the phone I can get you reconnected.”

    Customer: “YOU F****** B****! YOU CONNECT MY TV RIGHT NOW OR I’M COMING DOWN THERE WITH A KNIFE AND A BASEBALL BAT AND I’M GOING TO KILL YOU! CONNECT IT NOW OR I WILL KILL YOU!”

    (Although death threats are quite common, for some reason, maybe because I’m working my notice, I find this one extremely funny and begin to laugh.)

    Customer: “WHAT ARE YOU F****** LAUGHING AT?! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

    Me: “The reason I’m laughing, sir, is that you have threatened to kill me despite me having your full name and address on screen. I could report you to the police but to be honest I think that would be a waste of their time. So, did you want me to process a payment or not?”

    Customer: “I’M COMING DOWN TO YOUR OFFICE NOW WITH A BASEBALL BAT!”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m not sure how you’re going to as you live in [town about an hour and half drive] and I’m due to finish my shift in half an hour at an office where over 500 people are employed. You only have my first name and no idea what I look like, so I wish you well. Also, while you’ve been on the phone I’ve noticed your phone bill is also overdue and will make sure this service is also suspended so you do not incur any further fees to increase your outstanding balance. Now, if there is nothing further I can do for you I’ll have to say goodbye as I’m going home to watch the football match this afternoon.”

    Customer: *unintelligible screams*

    Me: *as brightly as possible* “In that case, thank you for your call. Goodbye.” *click*

    Closed To All Reason

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s half an hour after closing, and we’re finishing our cleaning duties. All the food has been put away, the lights are off, and there are multiple doors with signs stating our daily hours. Despite this, a car drives up.)

    Customer: *comes up to the door* “Hey!” *tries to open door* “Hey, open the door!” *bangs on door repeatedly*

    (I see and hear him, but it’s been a rough day, and I’m not interested in dealing with him.)

    Customer: “Hey, I know you can hear me!” *bangs harder on the door* “I’m hungry, and I want food!” *starts violently shaking door* “I WANT A F****** [popular food item] OKAY! HOW HARD IS IT TO GET A F****** [food item] HERE?!” *starts to kick at the door*

    (At this point, I’m starting to get a little nervous that this guy is actually dangerous. I go to get my manager. As I’m talking to my manager, we hear a crash and the sound of shattering glass.)

    Manager: “What the f***?!” *runs to the front*

    (The customer has smashed in the door and is standing at the register, apparently ready to order.)

    Manager: “Sir, we are closed! What the f*** is wrong with you?! You will pay for all of the damage!”

    Customer: “What?! You guys are closed?! Why didn’t you guys tell me? I’ll come back tomorrow then!” *smiling, he casually walks away*

    (Fortunately, we got his license plate number and called the cops the next day, but not before he came in asking for the same food!)

    A Hit Of Caffeine

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (The bakery closes at two pm every Sunday. I am out on the patio about an hour after closing, sweeping and stacking furniture. A middle-aged customer and her elderly mother approach.)

    Daughter: “Oh, hi! We’d like to get some coffee, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the coffee’s all gone now. We’re closed.”

    Daughter: “You are?”

    Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we close at two on Sundays.”

    Mother: “Oh, you bad girl!”

    (The customer proceeds to hit me with her rolled up newspaper, leaving me speechless!)

    How To Re-Tire Bad Customers

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s Black Friday and I have a noon shift. I have been berated and belittled by most of the customers since most of the doorbusters have been sold out.)

    Rude Customer: “WHY even advertise this if you don’t keep it in stock!? That’s stupid! If you run out you shouldn’t advertise it!”

    (There are two younger customers behind them, a guy and a girl.)

    Girl: “You know… sometimes I just wanna make people suffer ya know? Like mentally. Like I wanna slash the tires of some real ignorant a** so they can’t go on and abuse another cashier.”

    Guy: “I have that hunting knife in my car still. Wanna do it once we’re out of here?”

    Girl: “We could. I have one target it picked out.”

    (The rude customer shuts up and pays quietly and quickly runs out the door. I eye up the couple not sure if I should report the threat or not. The girl grins at me.)

    Girl: “Got her to shut up.”

    Me: “Wait. You weren’t serious?”

    Girl: “Please. I could never do that.”

    Guy: “I could…”

    The Situation Is Unraveling And Unwrapping

    | Gulf Shores, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Themed Giveaway, Wild & Unruly

    (We offer gift wrapping where I work. Customer #1 has had her gifts wrapped BEFORE she purchases them, so I have no idea what she’s buying. She goes to get one of each item from the shelves. Instead of bringing all her items up at once, she proceeds to get them one piece at a time and insist that each one is ringing up wrong, even when they aren’t. Meanwhile, a customer comes up behind her.)

    Me: “Sorry, we’re just waiting a bit.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, it’s fine.”

    (Customer #1 comes up with another shirt. I ring it up and, again, she argues about the price. It’s only a dollar difference so I just give it to her.)

    Customer #1: “Wait! How the h*** am I supposed to know what I bought? How do I know what is in each box?”

    Me: “I have no idea, Ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Well, you’re just useless, aren’t you? Void me out! I’m going to unwrap all of these, have them rewrapped, and then buy them!” *turning to Customer #2* “God, can you believe the people they hire here?”"

    Customer #2: “Honestly, I can’t.”

    (Satisfied, Customer #1 moves down the counter and starts angrily unwrapping presents. Customer #2 puts her stuff on the counter, and in the process drops a candle.)

    Me: “Oh! Did that break? You can get another one.”

    (Customer #1 mutters something about me giving her a hard time and being too nice to Customer #2.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, no. It’s fine.”

    (Customer #2 places her candle on the counter, and I continue ringing her things up. As I start to ring up her jacket, I pull out the coat hanger and accidentally drop it. It hits Customer #2 in the chest.)

    Me: “Oh, my God. I am SO sorry!”

    Customer #2: *laughing* “Oh, I see how you are! I drop something in your floor, and you assault me!”

    Customer #1: “Oh, my God! I saw everything! I’ll be a witness if you want, and you can sue her for all she’s worth.”

    Customer #2: “Are you serious?”

    Customer #1: “Absolutely. You can HAVE her job.”

    Customer #2: “And have to deal with jerks like you all the time? Uh, no thanks!”

    (Customer #1 storms off.)

    Customer #2: “Thank God, eh? As I was saying, I can’t believe that [Retail Store] managed to find such a patient employee!”


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