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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    This We’ll Defend

    | NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: I’m a female and I’m waiting for my girlfriend to get off work, and the person who was supposed to relieve her is running late, so I’m hanging around. My girlfriend is hair under five feet tall, and maybe 90 pounds. She’s really little and people try and intimidate her a lot because of this.)

    My Girlfriend: “I’m sorry. It should be like half an hour.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (A customer shoulders past me and shoves an item in my girlfriend’s face.)

    Male Customer: “This place f***ing ripped me off!”

    My Girlfriend: “What’s the problem, sir?”

    Male Customer: “Don’t play with me, you stupid b****! I bought this and it won’t work!”

    My Girlfriend: “Sir, may I see the item?”

    Male Customer: *shoves it at her*

    My Girlfriend: “Sir, this didn’t come from our store.”

    Male Customer: “You callin’ me a liar, you stupid b****?!”

    My Girlfriend: “Of course not, but this package has a label that clearly has the name of our competitor on it.”

    Male Customer: “So, I bought it here!”

    My Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, sir, but no, you didn’t.”

    (At this point, another customer, who is a fairly petite woman, is standing behind him. She looks a little concerned. Without warning, the male customer takes a swing at my girlfriend.)

    Male Customer: “You stupid c***! Do your d*** job and give me a f***ing refund!”

    (Thankfully my girlfriend steps out of reach of the customer’s swing. However, the petite woman behind him suddenly surges forward, and in one swift movement twists his arm behind his back and slams his face down on the counter.)

    Petite Woman: *to my girlfriend* “Honey, you may want to call 911.”

    My Girlfriend: *stunned* “O-Okay…”

    Me: *to the male customer* “Jesus Christ, what the h*** is the matter with you, you freaking pyscho?!”

    Male Customer: “Get the f*** off me!”

    (In response, the petite woman wrenches his arm behind him further. The male customer wails.)

    Male Customer: “You can’t do that! You’re just a woman!”

    Petite Woman: “Army Strong, a**hole. If you want to walk away with your arm not broken, I’d stop struggling.”

    (The male customer stops struggling when he realizes that she isn’t going to let go anytime soon. The police show up in less than five minutes. They get everyone’s statements and view the security video. The manager finally meanders out; he’s a man who is useless in every sense of the word. He also doesn’t like my girlfriend because she’s dating me, a girl.)

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: “What is all this about?

    Police Officer: “Sir, this man just attempted to attack your employee.”

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: “Oh.”

    Petite Woman:That’s all you have to say?” *to my girlfriend* “Honey, you want to press charges?”

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: “Oh, that won’t be necessary.”

    (The petite woman whirls on my girlfriend’s manager, and he actually takes a step backwards.)

    Petite Woman: “I wasn’t talking to you. Believe me when I tell you, your boss will be hearing about what little concern you have for your employees!”

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: *slinks off*

    (Meanwhile, the police finish arresting the man and explain to my girlfriend how she can press charges.)

    Me: *to the petite woman* “Excuse me, Miss?”

    Petite Woman: “Yes?”

    Me: “Thank you. You defended my girlfriend. So many people wouldn’t have done anything. Would it be alright if I could have your name?”

    Petite Woman: *smiles* “You’re welcome. You guys look cute together. And my name is Angel.”

    (With that, she leaves without buying anything. Three days later, my girlfriend’s unhelpful manager was fired. An Angel indeed!)

    An Eye For An Eyepatch

    | Beaverton, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m the only employee still working a cash register late one night. I’ve got a long line, and the next customer keeps glaring at me.)

    Me: “Hello, miss, sorry about the wait. Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “I’m so sick of you people.”

    Me: “Of who?”

    Customer: “First, that awful girl stacking the shelves with the pink hair, and now you with that… thing on your face! Why are you brats so desperate for attention?”

    (Two years ago, I lost my right eye in an accident. I wear an eyepatch now.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a fashion statement, I really need—”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me!”

    (Without warning, she lunges across the counter and grabs the patch, snapping the cord and pulling it off. She laughs with triumph for about a second before she sees my empty eye socket.)

    Customer: *screams and runs out of the store, leaving her items but taking the eyepatch*

    (That customer never came back. Fortunately, I have a lot of spare eyepatches, but I had to finish the rest of my shift that night with a paper bandage over the socket.)

    Harry Potter And The Disorder Of The Forks-Flicks

    | USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer at a bookstore. I am browsing a few shelves when another customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    (I think I’m blocking her way, so I move two feet over.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why the f*** are you walking away from me, you f***ing little c***?! I’ll have you fired for this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I think you’re conf—”

    Customer: “You little w****! You think you can sell my daughter these trashy novels, and expect to get away with it? She told me all about the saleslady who told her ‘Oh, you don’t want the Twilight series, Harry Potter is much better!’ Well, I’m telling you right now, my daughter DOES want the Twilight series. So, you better exchange the books right now, you b****!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s been a mistake. I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “DON’T YOU LIE TO ME, YOU LITTLE S***!”

    (The woman whaps me over the head with a hardcover book. This one is the fifth Harry Potter and therefore the thickest. I stumble backwards, and fall on my butt. At this point, an actual employee has noticed the situation, and has called for mall security. He runs over to try to break it up.)

    Employee: “Ma’am, you can’t hit other customers!”

    Customer: “That’s not a customer, and don’t you lie to me! I know it’s another one of your second rate employees, trying to get out of exchanging my books!”

    (The customer proceeds to kick me as I’m still on the ground. When the employee tries to stop her, she hits him across the face with the book as well. He doesn’t fall over; instead, he grabs her arm and gets the book from her. She continues to try attacking, so he puts her in a headlock to immobilize her.)

    Customer: “YOU’RE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF LITTLE F***ERS WHO DON’T WANT TO RETURN MY BOOK! WELL, I’M GETTING ALL YOU A**HOLES FIRED!”

    (After screaming more profanities, security finally shows up. She is escorted out in handcuffs and is currently serving jail time for assault and battery. I ended up with a concussion, but got a five-hundred dollar gift card to the store as compensation. I also got a date with the employee who came to my rescue!)

    Some Customers Deserve To Be Carted Off

    | New Haven, CT, USA | Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am shopping in a large supermarket. There is a young woman of Asian descent in a wheelchair, examining the ingredient list on some items. A middle-aged woman comes into the same aisle, stares blankly into space and then starts pushing the young woman’s wheelchair.)

    Young Customer: *surprised as her wheelchair is pushed* “Excuse me?”

    Middle-aged Customer: *blankly* “What?

    (The young customer’s wheelchair grinds to a rubbery halt from the brakes.)

    Young Customer: “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Why are you in my shopping cart?! GET THE F*** OUT OF MY GROCERIES, YOU B****!”

    Young Customer: *on the verge of tears* “I-I’m sorry, but—”

    Middle-aged Customer: “What did you do to my groceries, you filthy thief?! You steal jobs from my country, and NOW you steal food?!”

    (The middle-aged customer struggles with the young customer for a few seconds. Suddenly, she shoves the young woman off of her wheelchair.)

    Young Customer: *screams*

    (Hearing the poor young customer’s screaming, a manager as well as a few other customers rush over to the aisle to help. Seeing this, the middle-aged customer freezes for a second and then tries to bolt with her “shopping cart”, but can’t push it due to the brakes. The manager takes one look at the girl on the floor, one look at the other woman’s wild expression, and then promptly tackles the woman to the ground as she tries to flee.)

    Middle-aged Customer: *hysterically* “Rape! Rape! Help! I’m being raped!”

    Manager: “Are you serious?!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *points to the young customer* “You should arrest her! She stole my job, and then she stole my groceries!”

    Manager: *fed up* “Well, I’m sure the police will be happy to hear about it!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *gets hauled off as the other customers applaud*

    Bowling For Breadwinners

    | Massapequa, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a dollar store in the area where I pack out boxes for a summer job. I am assembling plastic cups in the children’s section when I hear a large bang behind me. I turn around and find a child holding a heavily-loaded shopping cart loaded inches away from my legs. With all that weight, he could have severely injured me. The cart apparently hit the box I was packing out from.)

    Customer: “Mommy! I almost hit him!”

    Customer’s Mom: “Don’t worry sweetie. You’ll get him next time!”

    (I never asked to work in the children’s aisle again!)


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