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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    Out Bat-ter Angels

    | NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a hospital. Every week, we host an event where volunteers come in and entertain some of the sick children. On this particular day, most of the volunteers are dressed up as superheroes.)

    Superman: “Who wants me to see if I can pull a penny out of their nose?”

    Child #1: *in a wheelchair* “Me! Me!”

    Superman: *doing his magic trick* “I’m afraid I can’t. All I could find were all these quarters!”

    (Superman magically pulls out a quarter and gives it to Child #1. A few minutes later, Child #1 returns.)

    Child #1: “Superman! Superman! I bought candy with the money you found! This one’s for you.”

    (At this point, one of two volunteers dressed as Spiderman speaks up.)

    Spiderman #1: “Where’d he get that candy?”

    Child #2: “There’s a vending machine in the hallway.”

    Spiderman #1: “They let you buy candy? That’s not healthy.”

    Spiderman #2: “I’m sure the nurses here are aware of what the kids eat.”

    Child #2: “It’s true. They’re really strict.”

    Spiderman #1: “It’s just not healthy…”

    (Meanwhile, Superman is continuing his trick.)

    Superman: “…and another one in the left ear, and another one in the right ear. Wait! I haven’t checked your nose for quarters yet.”

    Child #3: *after Superman’s finished* “What kind of candy do you want, Superman?”

    Superman: “Don’t worry about me, kid. I’m Superman! Superman can make candy with his mind.”

    Child #3: “Nuh uh! I saw the movie!”

    Superman: “Oh yeah? Watch this!”

    (He closes his eyes and concentrations hard, then pretends to catch something out of the air.)

    Superman: “Ah-ha! Chocolate!”

    Spiderman #1: “Don’t give her that. They get too much sugar.”

    Nurse: “It’s fine, sir.”

    Spiderman #1: “No!”

    (All of a sudden, Spiderman #1 grabs the chocolate from Superman, throws it on the floor, and stomps on it. He’s clearly out of control and scaring the children.)

    Spiderman #1: “Food like that will just keep you sick! They just want you to stay here and keep buying their s****y candy to keep you sick so they can get your money! They just—”

    (At that moment, a man dressed as Batman appears with his cape wrapped around him. Surprised, Spiderman #1 begins stuttering.)

    Spiderman #1: “Uh… what do you want?”

    Batman: *in a deep voice* “I want this hospital to be a place of hope. I want these children to enjoy their lives. I want the forces of darkness forever beaten.”

    (He drops the cloak, revealing the police uniform underneath it.)

    Batman: *cuffs Spiderman #1* “I want justice!”

    (The children all cheer, relieved. A month later, one of the children who has been in the hospital for a very long time is getting ready to leave. When someone asks him what his favorite memory of the volunteer nights was, he says…)

    Child: “When crazy Spiderman went crazy and Batman took off his costume and he was an actually real hero and made crazy Spiderman go away!”

    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners, Part 2

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (A couple and their 5-year-old child comes into my 20 items or less lane. However, they have a large, overflowing cart with clearly more than 20 items.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m sorry but are you aware this lane is 20 items or less?”

    Customer: “Does it matter? Take care of us!”

    (The customer starts unloading her items on the tiny counter. Meanwhile, her child is standing in the cart and starts throwing things.)

    Me: *to the customer’s child* “Alright, sweetie, please don’t throw things.”

    Customer: “Excuse me? Don’t you dare tell my kid what to do!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he’s throwing things. He could hurt—”

    (At this point the kid hefts up a very large can of broth and throws it at me, hitting me in the face.)

    Customer’s Child: *laughs*

    Customer: “Oh! Isn’t he cute?! Good job sweetie! We don’t treat these people nice. It’s good to learn early to make them shut up!”

    (Another cashier took over for me so I could attend to my injuries, but before security could get there they had left the store. Thankfully nothing was broken, but I had a pretty bashed up looking face for a while!)

    Related:
    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

    Screaming Some Nonsense Can Lead To Slapping Some Sense

    , | USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at a fast food restaurant when a man suddenly storms up to the counter, completely ignores the woman whose order I’m taking, and starts screaming obscenities at me.)

    Customer: “All you f***ing losers can go straight to h***!”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Every time I come here, it happens! You always get it wrong! I ordered this burger without tomato, and look at this! There’s a d*** tomato on it!”

    (He shoves the burger under my nose. I glance down and see that the burger isn’t ours, but our competitor’s, from across the street.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you ordered this at [competitor restaurant] across the way. You need to complain to them.”

    Customer: “I know what I’m talking about! I’m not a f***ing r*****!”

    (Suddenly, the other customer he cut in front of slaps him on the backside of the head. Note that the other customer is a woman and can’t be more than five feet tall and a hundred pounds.)

    Customer: “What the f***?!”

    Other Customer: “You deserved that. You’re being stupid. Get the h*** out of here!”

    Customer: “You telling me what to do, b****?!”

    (She slaps him again, this time on the face.)

    Other Customer: “Now, have you learned your lesson?”

    Customer: *suddenly meek* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Other Customer: “Good. Apologize.”

    Customer: “I’m… I’m sorry. I must’ve went to the wrong place.”

    (Dazed, the customer wanders out of the restaurant, leaving his burger behind. I gave the woman her meal for free!)

    Some DJs Can Leave You Spinning

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (Every night, the drugstore I work at does a closing announcement 15, 10, and 5 minutes before closing and also one at closing. I’ve just made the 10 minute announcement when a middle-aged man comes up to my register.)

    Customer: “Was that you making that last announcement?”

    Me: “Yes it was. We do a few of them every night.”

    Customer: “You sounded very professional! Are you going to do more of them?”

    Me: “Thank you, and yes. I’m going to do the five minute announcement shortly.”

    Customer: *very excited* “Can I do it?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, I don’t think so. We have to do it at just the right time and we follow a script that I have memorized.”

    Customer: “Aww, man!”

    (I finish the customer’s transaction and everything seems fine. He walks away a few steps and starts messing with his wallet. I pick up the speakerphone to make the next announcement, but just as I start to talk, the man grabs the phone from me. As he does so, he slams it into my face and gives me a bloody lip in the process.)

    Customer: “HEY EVERYBODY! THIS IS DJ SEXY! IT’S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT AGAIN!”

    (I’m completely shocked and try to get it back from the customer. However, he keeps ducking and moving so I hit the hangup button instead. By that point, the manager has come running up to us. The customer sees my manager, drops the phone, and runs out of the store.)

    Manager: “What in the h*** is going on?! Why did you let him do that?!”

    (Note that as my manager questions me, I’m dabbing my bloody mouth with a tissue.)

    Me: “Let him?! He grabbed it from me and hurt me in the process! That guy was crazy!”

    Manager: “Well… you should be more careful!” *walks off*

    (I tried to file an accident report with the store and asked the manager to call the police so that there would be a record of the event in case the guy came back. He refused to do either, so I quit that night!)

    Ah, Parents, Part 3

    | Upstate NY, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a popular cellphone retailer. On this day, a customer comes in with her 8-year-old son; he is severely misbehaving.)

    Me: “Welcome to [retailer]. What may I help you with?”

    Customer: “I want to upgrade my phone.”

    (Meanwhile, her son is running around, touching every phone and even throwing things on floor.)

    Me: “Not a problem. Let’s see what we can do today.”

    (Her son continues to cause chaos, but I’m trying my best to ignore him.)

    Me: “Well, we have great sales going on—”

    (Suddenly, her son trips the security alarm on the phone. Knowing he’s done something wrong, he turns to me in fear.)

    Me: *to her son* “Now, you have to go to jail. The police are on their way, and your mom will have to pay three weeks of your allowance to bail you out.”

    Customer: *whispers to me* “Thank you…”

    (The customer’s son never left his mom’s side after that. She even gave me a customer satisfaction of all 10s!)

    Related:
    Ah, Parents, Part 2
    Ah, Parents


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