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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    Sound And Fury, Signifying Policing

    | Ontario, Canada | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I volunteer at a rather unusual renaissance faire that showcases a number of home-built medieval weapons for competition. Prizes are awarded for authenticity, construction, and most importantly, use. My job at this point is to keep guests from wandering into anywhere dangerous. Currently, I’m stationed at the edge of a crossbow and arquebus live-fire zone.)

    Guest #1: “What’s going on here?”

    Me: “Stay back, please. This is the crossbow and arquebus live fire zone. The contestants are going to be shooting homemade weapons in the next few minutes.”

    Guest #1: “At people?”

    Me: “No sir, at targets. These are real weapons that shoot real arrows and bullets.”

    Guest #1: “That sounds awesome! I’m going to stick around for that.”

    Guest #2: *overhearing us talk* “Do they let visitors shoot?”

    Me: “No sir, sorry. The weapons are extremely dangerous and all our participants are licensed and trained.”

    Guest #1: “Aw man, I hunt all the time. Can’t I?”

    Guest #2: “I’m also experienced with firearms.”

    Me: “Sorry guys, no one’s allowed in without a competitor badge. What you can do is talk to the competitors after the event about getting a guests pass. They’re allowed to bring people with them, and I know they’ve invited people they’ve met at shows in the past who’ve demonstrated interest. But the show’s about to start, so I recommend trying to get some good seats.”

    (The show begins, and many of the competitors are wearing period dress. When the arquebus presentation begins, my supervisor calls out the codeword for missing weapon on the radio. Before I can even start to call the police, there’s a sudden explosion, and a man awkwardly wearing a page’s shirt and a plate helmet falls over backwards. He removes his helmet, revealing Guest #1′s face. Before he can get far, Guest #2 tackles him.)

    Guest #1: *to Guest #2* “Hey! You can’t do that! You don’t even work here!”

    Guest #2: “The lady said you need a badge to enter the field. Well, buddy, I’ve got one of those!”

    (Sure enough, Guest #2 did have a badge—a police badge!)

    Every Cloud Has A Savior Lining

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a short, 100 pound fifteen-year-old girl, and a lot of people try to intimidate me. I work in a fairly large bakery, with plenty of seats that are blocked off from the cashier.)

    Customer #1: “Hi, can I get a brownie please?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I notice there is one, broken brownie left.)

    Me: “If you like, ma’am, you can wait just one minute and there will be a fresh, unbroken one for you.”

    Customer #1: “DON’T F***ING TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU ARE REFUSING ME SERVICE, YOU LAZY B****! GET ME A F***ING BROWNIE!”

    Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll get that right away.”

    Customer #1: *suddenly nice and sweet* “Thank you, honey!”

    Me: “Here you go!”

    (Customer #1 takes one look at it and goes berserk.)

    Customer #1: “THIS IS F***ING BROKEN! I AM NOT EATING THIS S***!”

    (Suddenly, she launches herself at me and grabs me by the hair. I have very long, very sensitive hair, so she has no trouble dragging me over the counter and onto the ground. She starts kicking me and screaming. Two customers rush to my rescue, restraining her and helping me off the ground.)

    Customer #2: “Are you alright?”

    Me: *shaking like a leaf* “I think so.”

    (Customer #1 suddenly breaks free and rushes at me. I shriek rather loudly, but Customer #2 heroically jumps in front of her, effectively shielding me. The mall security has by now subdued her, but I still burst into tears. However, everything ended well: afterwards, Customer #2 bought me a coffee, and we have been dating for the past few months!)

    Related:
    Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining

    Chide Should Go Before The Fall

    | Israel | Family & Kids, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (A kid is running around with a toy gun until he falls down and breaks it. His mother grabs it and approaches me.)

    Mother: “I would like another one of this.”

    Me: “No problem, but I need you to pay for the one you broke.”

    Mother: “That’s insane! He broke it in your store! That means it’s your responsibility!”

    (I point to a huge sign behind me that says, ‘You Break It, You Buy It.’ I have never seen anyone run that fast!)

    Saved By The Buff Belle

    , | USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: In this case, the cashier has made an error and given the customer the wrong item. However, it doesn’t justify what transpires next…)

    Customer: “I did NOT order this salad, you stupid bimbo!”

    (The customer throws the salad right at the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Hey!”

    Customer: “I did NOT order a f***ing salad!”

    Cashier: “Oh, I’m so sorry. That was my mistake.”

    Customer: “I want my entire order free!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but it does not work that way. I sincerely apologize for the error.”

    Customer: “I want my food free!”

    (The customer throws the rest of his food at the cashier, hitting another cashier who has stepped over to help wipe the mess. The manager, who has seen everything happen, speaks up.)

    Manager: “Sir, you do not do that to my employees. I’m going to have to ask you to pay not just for your order, but the salad that you have now ruined.”

    Customer: “Who are you, and what gives you the right to demand that?!”

    Manager: “I am the manager.”

    Customer: “No, you’re not. You’re a woman!”

    Manager: “I assure you, I am. This is my name tag.”

    (The manager presents her name tag, which says “Robin.”)

    Customer: “You stole that off your real manager, a man! Females spell it R-O-B-Y-N!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry if it’s confusing, but I am the manager, and that is how my name is spelled. Nevertheless, I’m going to ask you to pay for the food you threw and apologize.”

    Customer: “I want my food free! That’s it!”

    (Suddenly, a short but very muscular woman shows up and drags the customer from the counter to a wall. She is a customer who has also been watching the commotion.)

    Woman: *to the customer* “You, pay up, or you’ll have ME to deal with!”

    Customer: “Um, okay! Okay!” *pays and leaves immediately*

    (The woman who saved the day? She got a free meal!)

    Customers Need To Give Us A Break

    | Rhode Island, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’ve just slipped on water and hit my shoulder so hard it has fractured. I’m on the ground in intense pain with my coworkers surrounding me to ensure I am okay. A nearby customer is obviously not impressed.)

    Customer: “Why are you all being lazy lying about? I just want some d*** coffee.”

    Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, sir. It will be just a moment. Our coworker has fallen and we think she broke her shoulder.”

    Customer: “Godd*** lazy kids these days, lying on the disgusting floor having a good time at work!”

    Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, sir. It will be just a second. I’ll be there as soon as I am sure that we have an ambulance coming.”

    Customer: “I should report your lazy a**es to your manager. You have horrible customer service and that one…” *points at me* “…is just sleeping on the floor!”

    (Mu manager, who was dialing the ambulance, speaks up.)

    Manager: “I don’t know what your problem is right now, but I just had this young lady fall, hit her head, and crack her shoulder. I am concerned she broke her shoulder, so right now all I care about is calling her an ambulance. If you are so concerned about your coffee, there is another shop a tenth of a mile away, a fast food place next door, and the gas station on the corner has coffee as well.”

    (By now I’m standing, and am holding my arm to my body using my other arm so as not to hurt myself worse.)

    Customer: “She’s fine! She’s standing up and playing with her arm!”

    (At this point, I’ve decided I’ve had enough of the customer’s verbal abuse.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, sir. I should have known that there would be a puddle of water on the ground right there that I slip in. I can honestly tell you I’m not ‘playing’ with my arm. I’m currently trying to prevent further injury to myself. What is so d*** important that you couldn’t wait ’til they made sure I had an ambulance coming?”

    Customer: “D*** b****!”

    (The customer storms out, slamming our door. Three days later, he comes back and sees me in a sling.)

    Customer: “What happened to you?”

    Me: “You remember the other day when you complained that I was just lying on the floor? I fractured my shoulder!”

    Customer: *turns red, orders, and leaves quickly*


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