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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    Seeing Red

    | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (Two customers approach the concession stand.)

    Customer: “I’d like a small red slushie.”

    Me: “All right, I’ll be right back with that!”

    (I go around the corner and try to get him his drink. The machine is working poorly, and I can’t get anything to come out. I pull the lever as hard as I can, with no success.)

    Me: *to my manager* “I think we have a problem.”

    (As soon as I say it, the slushie explodes out of the machine, covering me from head to toe and spreading over about a third of the concession stand. I stand there dumbfounded for a moment, then grab a paper towel, wipe off the cup, and bring it back around to the customer, who is obviously trying not to laugh.)

    Me: *to his friend* “And can I get you anything?”

    Customer’s Friend: *grinning* “Yes. A small red slushie, please!”

    A Disservice To Good Parenting

    , | UK | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a department store. It is Halloween, and our best kid’s costumes are out on display. I am decorating the store with fake spiders, when a angry customer and his bratty kid comes up to me.)

    Me: *looking at child tearing down bunting* “Uh, kid? I’m going to have to ask you to stop that.”

    Customer: *scowls at me* “Don’t you DARE!”

    Me: “Is this your child, sir?”

    Customer: “Yep! He’s not going to stop for a minimum wage weirdo!”

    Me: “But, sir, he’s defacing store property! I have to ask you to replace that mannequin and the torn bunting.”

    Customer’s Kid: “Shut the f*** up!”

    (I pause in shock.)

    Customer: “That’s it boy! We don’t be polite to serving people! They’re below us!”

    Coworker: “Excuse me sir? I’m going to have to ask you to go, or I’ll call security.”

    Customer: “I’m not scared of you! I’ll bet you’re not even Christian!”

    (At this point, a nearby customer who has overheard everything walks over.)

    Nearby Customer: *completely calm* “No, I’m not. I do, however, have a brown belt in Brazilian Floor Ju-jitsu. Let’s step outside and discuss this, shall we? Or you can kindly replace the decorations and leave these kind people alone.”

    Customer: *turns pale* “L-let’s go son. I wanna leave this devil store.” *mumbles while shoving a note into my hands* “This stuff is crap anyway.”

    (The best part? The man and his kid had walked into some off-duty police officers, who found the man had stuffed a bunch of MP3 Players into his top!)

    Taming The Feral Customers

    | Bristol, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the Petting Corner are of the zoo, where twice a week we show the new arrivals and the young animals. Today, we have a young tiger cub who has not once attacked as he is quite tame. We have an experienced tiger handler, who is from another branch of our zoo. It’s mostly kids that come to pet the tiger, but some adults seem to love him too.)

    Me: “…and here we have the young tiger cub, Jumanji, who comes here twice a week! Now, don’t be shy, he’s tame, and we have our experienced tiger handler Tom on hand! All of you who would like to pet him, please make a queue.”

    (I turn to Tom, the tiger handler.)

    Me: “Tom, can you hold him in your lap?”

    (I move away to make preparations for the next part of Petting Corner. As I do this, a young man with his son pushes ahead, knocking over several young kids. A concerned mother speaks up.)

    Mother: “Hey! How dare you! My son has been waiting in line and you barged in?!”

    Man: “Shut the f*** up, you b****! Go on, son. Pet the tiger!”

    Son: “Yay!” *starts jabbing the tiger in the ribs* “This tiger isn’t doing anything!”

    Me: “Stop that! The tiger is getting angry! Don’t jab him!”

    (At this point, I’m running to him to stop him, and Tom is trying to shield the tiger’s ribs from him. The tiger tries to scratch the brat, but nicks Tom slightly instead.)

    Man: “This tiger isn’t tame at all! My son could have been scratched! I want compensation!”

    Me: *angry* “You won’t get any! I demand you get out of this zoo, now!”

    (I turn to the kids, trying to be calm as possible.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the tiger will be back next week.”

    Man: *screaming* “DON’T LISTEN! THE TIGER IS DANGEROUS!”

    Mother: “Almost as dangerous as you!”

    (Suddenly, the mother puts the man in a choke hold—yes, a choke hold—and pins him with the help of the other parents.)

    Mother: “Call security!”

    (Afterwards, the man was arrested and they were both banned for life. The people who helped got 12-month passes for their assistance!)

    Bull-Only Sandwich

    | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a cashier at a fairly small sandwich shop in my city. I’m on duty at the same time as one of my coworkers, who is also my friend. She stands 5’9″ and is very slim with pink hair. She looks like a doll. A rather large guy comes in; he wants a sandwich with an obscene number of exotic and special items.)

    Customer: “I want a large pumpernickel sandwich, with black forest ham, avocado, shrimp, caramelized onions, pine nuts, basil, honey-glazed salmon and dragon fruit. And I want it now, so get a move on!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, that sounds delicious, but I’m afraid we only do quite basic sandwiches here. You’d need somewhere special for that order.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I need to be back at work soon and I want my d*** sandwich! Call yourself a business, denying me my food like that! I’m reporting you unless you serve me right now! Now make me my sandwich!”

    Coworker: “Okay, I get that you’re angry about this, but I really can’t do anything about this. The only parts of that order we could do are the onions and the shrimp. Apart from that, we just don’t stock the ingredients. Now, either please order something else or leave. You’re holding up everyone else.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe this. Make me my food right now or I’m coming back there to kick your a** till you do as I said!”

    (My coworker is now quite annoyed, as it’s been a long day.)

    Coworker: “Number one, threats aren’t going to help you. I can’t make it because we don’t have the ingredients, not because I don’t want to. Number two, if you come back here it’s not going to end well, do you understand me?”

    Customer: “If I come back there you can’t do a d*** thing to stop me! I know my rights and I want my food!”

    Coworker: “Please don’t come back here. If you get violent, it will be unpleasant for you.”

    Customer: “What, you think you can do anything to me? You think you can kick my a**, barbie? Nobody believes that.”

    (I’ve been eavesdropping from further down the counter. I’m a pretty big guy, 6’4”, and I’m in good shape. I see this as my cue to lean over.)

    Me: “I believe her.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? And who the f*** are you? Another a**hole who’s going to refuse me my food?”

    Me: “I was thinking more a black sash in Lethwei, a competitor in both Eskrima and Sambo, and if you’re familiar with the local circuit I’m the latest MMA champion. And yes, I’m refusing your food.”

    Customer: “I wasn’t talking to you though, was I? I was talking to her.”

    Me: “I know. In fact, please do come back here and try to fight her. I need a laugh.”

    (Upon my saying this, the customer looks surprised and confused.)

    Me: “See, what I probably should have mentioned is she’s the one who helps me train for all that stuff I mentioned. She wins about half the time. Please try and fight her? Youtube needs a new hit.”

    (The customer blusters a bit more before backing down and huffing his way out of the shop, still threatening. I wasn’t lying: she would have wiped the floor with him!)

    Thicker Coat Required

    | USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (One of my coworkers has a really beautiful full-length black wool coat that’s lined with a very soft faux fur that, despite being fake, feels real. She gets questions about where she got it from our clientele a lot, but she actually made it herself. It is really cold outside.)

    Customer: *spotting my co-worker on her way to her lunch break* “Oh. My. God. That coat is gorgeous!”

    Coworker: “Oh, thank you.”

    Customer: “Give it to me.”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, the coat is not for sale.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! Everything in this store is! Now give me that jacket! I’m more smarter than you, I know how everything works! If you want something in your store, you can only buy it after us real people are done shopping and only if it’s something we don’t want!”

    Coworker: “Um… ma’am, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but this jacket didn’t come from this store. I made it at home.”

    Customer: “No you didn’t! It’s mine! *tries to snatch the back of the coat as my coworker dodges her*

    Coworker: “Ma’am, this is my jacket that I made for myself. We do not sell this jacket in the store, although we have some similar ones. I will not just give you my jacket.

    Customer: “It’s mine! Not yours, mine!”

    Manager: *to me* “What’s going on?”

    Me: *I explain*

    Manager: *to the customer* “Ma’am, that is my employee’s jacket. It’s not for sale.”

    Customer: *stamps her feet and screams* “BUT I WANT IT!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You can’t have my employee’s jacket. She needs it herself. It’s too cold. If you want a jacket, you can come back another time when you’ve calmed down.”

    (She leaves, but comes back about ten minutes later with the police. They have a department on the other side of our parking lot. She points at my manager, my coworker, and me.)

    Customer: “Those worthless pieces of trash are trying to steal my jacket!”

    (My manager explains the situation, and they take a statement from my coworker, who had proof that she had actually handmade the jacket in the form of a series of photographs on her phone that detailed the ‘work in progress’. In the end, it was the customer who was arrested for creating a disturbance!)


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