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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    When Toxic Personalities Become Intoxicated

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, School, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am bartending at a neighborhood dive that caters mostly to a set of regulars who were minimum wage or blue collar workers, but occasionally some of the kids from an expensive nearby university would wander in. I am talking to a female regular at the bar who happens to be seated next to a young guy from the college.)

    Me: “Hey, did you check out that show I told you about?”

    Regular: “Yeah, thanks, it was really funny!”

    (We are discussing episodes, when a college kid joins in.)

    College Guy: “Hey, I love that show! What season are you up to?”

    (For a few minutes, we all engage in friendly conversation until, suddenly, a spoiled and VERY intoxicated college girl in a miniskirt and six-inch heels proceeds to shove my female regular in the back.)

    College Girl: “Hey, b****!”

    Regular: *calmly turns on her barstool to look at the girl*

    College Girl: “Quit talking to my boyfriend, you stupid w****!”

    Regular: “Miss, we were just having a polite conversation.”

    College Girl: “You think you can steal my boyfriend, you ugly b****?” *she shoves the regular’s shoulder for emphasis* “Stupid f***ing s***! You wanna try and steal my boyfriend?”

    Regular: “Miss, I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood. I have a boyfriend of my own.” *untucks a set of dog-tags from her shirt as proof* “I wasn’t hitting on your boyfriend; we were just having a nice chat. Please calm down.”

    College Girl: “You think you can just hit on my boyfriend, you f***ing s***? F*** you, you fat ugly b****!”

    (She shoves the regular again, and by now I am furiously trying to flag down the bouncer. The bar has gone quiet, and the girls’ friends have nervously gathered behind her to watch the spectacle.)

    Regular: “Miss, please do not touch me again.”

    College Girl: “You wanna start something, b****? You wanna start something with me? Come on, you stupid w****!”

    (Another shove, and this time the regular stands from her stool.)

    Regular: “Miss, I’ve asked you nicely, but now I’m telling you. Do. Not. Touch. Me. Again.”

    College Girl: “Let’s go, w****! I’ll f*** you up!”

    (Mid-sentence, she tries to shove my regular again, but this time the regular catches the college girl’s arm and delivers a powerful right cross to her face, knocking her out cold. The regular watches the drunk college girl drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes, then sits back down on her barstool and turns back to the bar. The college girl’s friends proceed to pick the woozy girl up off the ground in time for bouncer to escort them all to the parking lot.)

    Regular: *to the bouncer* “Me, too?”

    Bouncer: “H***, no! I saw the whole thing, girl! You sit your a** back on that stool and order a beer on me.”

    (The regular and I exchange smiles as I pull her usual up from the cooler. It’s at this point that we both notice that the college guy who was the cause of the whole mess looking at the regular with his jaw on the floor.)

    Regular: “Hey, man, sorry about your girlfriend, but I did warn her.”

    College Guy: “Okay, let me stop you right there. That was not my girlfriend. I had never even met that girl before tonight. I have no idea what the h*** she was talking about. And that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. So the bouncer can get the next round, but that one’s on me.”

    (One of the girl’s friends ended up coming back in and apologizing for her pal’s erratic behavior, and offered to buy a round for my regular, too. After that night, every regular in the place usually bought one for ‘One-Punch’ whenever she came in, until she moved away to marry her soldier boyfriend!)

    Christmas Housing Crisis

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Bigotry, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (For Christmas, the bakery I work at makes elaborate gingerbread houses, complete with some reindeer, Santa, and a few trees. Understandably, the whole thing is rather fragile, and pricey, and we wrap them carefully and display them on top of the pastry case with signs requesting that customers seek help before handling them. A customer walks in and wanders up to the display case and starts to examine the gingerbread houses. As Christmas is busy, my coworkers and I are not paying attention, she ends up breaking the reindeer and some trees in one of the gingerbread houses when she handled it.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    (There’s a line of ten people in front of her, so we politely but quickly ask her to step in line. She shakes the very fragile gingerbread house at us.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! I want to buy a gingerbread house! This one is broken!”

    (As the most senior front end employee, I end up walking to the front and helping her.)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry. We have others.”

    (I start to reach for an intact one, but she shakes the one she’s holding, breaking it further.)

    Customer: “No! Those ones are probably just as stale as this one. That’s why it broke! You shouldn’t be selling your customers such cheap product.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it broke because you’ve been shaking it. I can assure you that they were all put together yesterday.”

    Customer: “Real gingerbread doesn’t break like that! I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “I’m the worker in charge tonight, ma’am, and I can assure you that, when shaken, gingerbread breaks like most other pastries.”

    (She fumes and reached for another one. I quickly intercept and, after a few bitter words, she allows me to take down the gingerbread house she wants. Before letting her touch it, though, I turned it carefully so she could see that it was all intact. I then ring her in, charging double, which she was quick to jump on.)

    Customer: “What? They’re $45 dollars! I will not pay $100 for a gingerbread house!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the broken ones are $45. Some people prefer them in bite size pieces. The intact ones take much longer to prepare, so we have to charge extra.”

    Customer: “This f***ing store is a godd*** disgrace! Owned by an Arab!” she’s referring to the head pastry chef who is Filipino* “-and a f***ing c****!” *referring to me, as I’m half-Chinese*

    (She throws a $100 bill on the counter and storms off, almost knocking an elderly man to the ground when she opens the door to leave. I ended up using the extra $50 to buy the other customers hot drinks, and passed out the broken gingerbread to accompany the beverages. Needless to say, we got some pretty amazing tips that night. The customer came back to complain later when the owners were around, but the head chef’s husband gave her a proper telling off when he heard her refer to his wife as an Arab.)

    The Deal Of His Life

    | NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am being served in a gas station, when a drunk customer approaches the clerk.)

    Drunk Customer: “Do you sell beer?”

    Clerk: “Of course, sir. Right over there.”

    (The clerk starts to ring my up my purchases, but the drunk customer shoves them aside and drops a pair of six-packs on the counter.)

    Clerk: “I, uh—”

    (I nod for him to go ahead. Just then, the door opens behind me and four uniformed police officers come in. There are three police cars parked out front, and one of the cops is quite loudly talking into a radio.)

    Drunk Customer: “Hey! You overcharged me. I saw you. Dirty Jew!”

    Clerk: “I… um… I’m Irish Catholic.”

    Cop: “Sir, do we need to—”

    Clerk: “No, no, just let him—”

    Drunk Customer: *turns around and faces me* “Yo, little lady! Don’t say a word of what you’re about to see. Got it?” *to clerk* “Y’know the guy who worked here before you? They threw him in jail for dealing heroin.”

    Clerk: “Yes, um, I remember that.”

    Drunk Man: “So, sell me some f***ing heroin!”

    Clerk: “I, uh…” *he takes cover behind the counter*

    Cop: “Okay, buddy, we need to-”

    (The drunk customer pulls a gun from his pants. It’s small, orange-tipped, and says ‘SUPER FUN CAP GUN’ on the side. However, the cops can’t see it, and they draw their guns.)

    Me: *to the cops* “It’s a toy! It’s a cap gun!”

    (Hearing this, one cop quickly holsters his gun and tackles the man.)

    Drunk Customer: *as he’s dragged away by the cops* “Yo, b****! I told you not to tell! We had a deal, we had a deal!”

    (Fast forward some time, and note that both the drunk customer and I have some pretty unique and visible tattoos. I’m at a cafe.)

    Waiter: “Excuse me, miss, but I have to ask, I think I recognize your tattoos.”

    Me: *noticing his* “Gas station, four cops, cap gun?”

    Waiter: “I never got to thank you for intervening on my behalf. I should have been shot that day.”

    (We chat for a while. After the conversation, he tells me my meal’s on the house. Unfortunately for him, I’ve gotten the same thing I always do, so I leave the amount, plus a decent tip, anyway. As I’m leaving, he notices what I’ve done.)

    Waiter: “Yo, b****! I told you not to pay! We had a deal!” *notices shocked patrons* “Uh, hope you enjoyed your coffee.”

    Careless Carers

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a large retail center, and we are highly understaffed. I work in the outdoor department, and stop to help a caretaker with a child; they’re looking for a baseball glove.)

    Me: “Hello, do you need some help?”

    Caretaker: “I’m just trying to get this d*** kid to wear this glove.”

    Me: “…Excuse me?!”

    Caretaker: “Yeah, I work as this brat’s caretaker, and he won’t put his hands in the glove.”

    (I lean down to help the child, speaking softly and quietly, as he seems frightened. This only seems to enrage the caretaker further.)

    Caretaker: “How dare you, b****… talking s*** to him about me?! You’re a d*** stupid loser and that’s why you work here!”

    Me: “Pardon me, ma’am, I wasn’t talking about you. And please, don’t call me stupid; you do not know me.”

    Caretaker: “Why do you work here if you’re not an idiot?”

    Me: “I’m still working on my RN, so I can be more than a caretaker with a nasty attitude.”

    (The caretaker walks away, still cussing at the child. I call security and ask them to follow her and be sure she doesn’t hurt the boy. Meanwhile, I am called up front to work on the register. Of course, the same caretaker is in line.)

    Caretaker: “Hurry it up, b****! I spend my hard earned money on these groceries. Don’t waste my time.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am… your total is $100.67.”

    Caretaker: “Here. Use my food stamps.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

    Caretaker: “Unless you’re too f***ing dumb to know how to do that.”

    (I finish ringing her up, but before she pushes her cart away, two sheriffs walk up and place handcuffs on her. Unbeknownst to me, she had, in fact, struck the child after I dealt with her the first time.)

    Makes You Want To Throw In The Towel

    | KY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (Two coworkers are discussing the recent Black Friday sale.)

    Coworker #1: “I just heard two women arguing in the towel section.”

    Coworker #2: “Over what?”

    Coworker #1: “The towels. Apparently, they are a hot item this year.”

    Coworker #2: “What do you mean?”

    Coworker #1: “One lady was quicker than the other, so she snagged the towel when another lady also wanted the same one. They argued over it until the first lady broke the second lady’s finger.”

    Coworker #2: *shakes head* “Over a towel!”

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