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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    Bagged Himself A Steal

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)

    Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”

    (The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)

    Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”

    (Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)

    Elderly Man: “I got him!”

    (All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)

    Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”

    Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”

    Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”

    (It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! Needless to say the man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)

    Has No Bridge Over These Troubled Waters

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a retail rep at a well-known cellphone carrier store.)

    Customer: “I bought two phones two weeks ago. My brother’s doesn’t work. He says it has never turned on since he got it in the mail.”

    (I pull up the account to view if the device has been in use. Before I see this info…)

    Customer: “Oh, and how come his phone has a red square on the back but mine is white?”

    (For those who don’t know cell phones have liquid damage indicators that turn white to red when exposed to liquid.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. This device has liquid damage and is not covered by the warranty. You also didn’t add insurance to this line.”

    Customer: “So what does that mean?”

    Me: “You have to continue to pay on the phone and get a new one if your brother needs a phone.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. He said it never turned on since he got it.”

    Me: “I see on the account the device was used for the first time on [date] and stopped use three days ago. It had been in use for nine days of the twelve days you have had service.”

    Customer: “No, he would’ve told me if he got some liquid on it. That’s not possible.”

    Me: “Well, pink indicates exposure. Red, which this is totally red, means the phone was drenched in liquid. He must have gotten significant amount of liquid on it.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not gonna replace it?”

    Me: “We can’t. You have no insurance and you voided the warranty with damage.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me [Company] won’t back up the products they sell?”

    Me: “We do. So long as you have insurance for accidental damage or if there is no damage for warranty exchanges. You have neither.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make sense. If I bought a car and there’s something wrong with it, the dealer would take care of it! The dealer would fix it for free!”

    Me: “Not if you rammed the car into a building.”

    Customer: “Well… If… So what? I gotta keep paying on the phone even though he can’t use it?”

    Me: “Yes. You still owe $300 on it.”

    Customer: “That’s outrageous! I’m not buying him a new phone. Cancel his line!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Although you have no contract therefore no early termination fee, your next bill will have a charge of $300 for the phone.”

    Customer: “What?! What happened to paying it off monthly like I was told?”

    Me: “As long as you have an active line you can pay it off monthly. You signed something that said the entire value of the phone is due immediately once service is canceled.”

    Customer: “I will still have my line.”

    Me: “The phone isn’t attached to your line. Yours is.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you all just HAVE ME BY THE BALLS. Y’ALL GOT ME BY THE BALLS!”

    (He grabs all his stuff and starts to storm out.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Customer: “BY THE BALLS!”

    Transaction Was Above (Mother)Board

    | Victorville, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer brings in a PC that has an obviously blown motherboard. I take the side off and see black scorch mark on the power supply, and know something had blow badly.)

    Me: “Well, I don’t know if the hard drive is good or not. A diagnostic is $50, but if we do repairs we take that off the labor.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll just replace the board.”

    Me: “Do you want us to do it?”

    Customer: “No, I have done all this stuff before.”

    (Confused then as to why he needed us to do a diagnostic, I sell him a new board. It takes a new CPU, and a new power supply. It happens to use his old RAM and as a freebie, I test it and the new board worked with his. Two days later:)

    Customer: “The motherboard you sold me does not work.”

    Me: “What? We tested it, with the new power supply. Is it your drive that is dead?”

    Customer: “No. It is the board! You sold me a bad board.”

    Me: “Well, you saw it work with your RAM. Are you sure it is not just the drives?”

    Customer: “No. I told you it is the board!”

    Me: “Well, let’s have a look.”

    (I open the machine. I disconnect the drives from power and data. I hit the power and smell smoke.)

    Me: “Woah! What the h***! Pull the power cord!”

    Customer: “See! It is a bad board.”

    (I look a little closer because the cards don’t seem to be fitting in very well.)

    Me: “Sir, did you mount this on the standoffs?”

    Customer: “Standoffs? What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, this board has great pictures in the manual. Here they are.”

    (I point out the standoffs and how it shows placing them before mounting the board.)

    Customer: “Oh, those. They were in the way so I took them out. I don’t need a d*** book! I know what I am doing!”

    Me: “Well, you needed those standoffs. You destroyed this board.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t!”

    Me: “Sir, the instructions are clear. You must put in the standoffs. Otherwise all the solder points on the back of the board can short out. This board has been mounted wrong and is probably dead.”

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

    (My manager  is already there because the customer is getting louder.)

    Manager: “Yes?”

    Customer: “This idiot says I mounted the board wrong! He won’t admit he sold me a bad board!”

    Manager: “Now, I heard he tested your old RAM when you were here yesterday.”

    Customer: “Yah.”

    Manager: “And it worked then?”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Manager: “You need to leave now, sir.”

    Customer: “I want my money back! You people are f****** crooks!”

    Manager: “No, a crook is someone that f**** up their own shit and then tries to blame others for it. Get the h*** out of my store!”

    (The customer stormed out and smashed his computer in the parking lot. After stomping on it a few times, he ran over it with his car. It was a shame. It was a nice case.)

    Cross Them Off Your Shopping List

    | Hayward, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Religion, Wild & Unruly

    (My partner and I have a stall in a vintage clothing collective. On the day in question, I am working the counter when a woman comes in wanting to sell some clothes.)

    Customer: “I want to sell these.”

    Me: “Okay, let me see what you’ve got.”

    (As I am looking over the clothes, which are mostly from chain stores in the past 10 years, she notices I am wearing a vintage pewter cross.)

    Customer: “Hey! Why are you wearing that cross?!”

    Me: “Um, I like it?”

    Customer: “Hah! Just as I thought! You’re a disgrace! Wearing a cross as a piece of jewelry!”

    Partner: *coming out of the back room* “Technically, it IS a piece of jewelry! And she has every right to wear it.”

    Customer: “Hah! I seriously doubt that! So tell me, are you a Christian?”

    Me: “If you’re asking that question, I’m probably not what YOU would consider a Christian.”

    Customer: “I thought as much! You take that cross off right now, you little heathen!”

    Partner: *becoming very irritated* “Actually, ma’am, we have both attended many churches, including Methodist, Episcopal, and Old Catholic.”

    Me: “I’m currently Religious Scientist.”

    Customer: “I thought as much! Heathens! You aren’t entitled to wear that cross!”

    Me: “I’m as much entitled as you, Ma’am.”

    Partner: “So, if you’re not buying anything, please leave the store and stop harassing us.”

    Customer: “I’m not buying, I’m selling!”

    Partner: “Oh, no, you’re not.”

    Me: “You don’t have any REAL vintage, anyway.”

    Customer: “Well, I never! You girls don’t know how to run a business! I wouldn’t want to sell to a couple of heathens, anyway!”

    (She gathered up her clothes and exited the store in a huff. Thankfully, she never entered our heathen store again.)

    Not Dog’s Best Friend

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (We are a grooming shop inside a larger pet store. One of our bathers brings out a dog that is going home. Since she worked on the dog, she proceeds to inform the owner how it went.)

    Bather: “[Pet] did pretty good for a first timer, but got a bit scared and tried to nip—”

    Customer: “BAD DOG!”

    (She then starts screaming and leans over our counter to take a swing at her dog with a closed fist. The dog ducks and hides behind the bather.)

    Me: “Ma’am! Please don’t hit your dog in here!”

    (She scowls at us and still looks angry, but we have no choice but to hand the dog over. A few minutes later one of the floor associates rushes in.)

    Associate: “The lady that just left just started kicking the s*** out of her dog and is now trying to stuff it in the trunk!”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    (The bather calls the cops while I and the associate rush outside. We can’t see the dog in the car but the owner is in the driver’s seat, on her phone and screaming at us, as we box her in her parking space to keep her from leaving until the police arrive.)

    Police Officer: “I can take it from here. All of you get back inside.”

    (We never saw the woman again, but I still think of that poor dog.)

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