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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    Earmark That Sound Advice

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m doing a sales pitch to my customers, a husband and wife, and they’re really getting interested. We’re going round all the products. There is good banter going on, jokes etc. However, out of nowhere, an old lady barges between them and grabs my ear.)

    Old Lady: “I have been asking you where the toilets are!”

    Me: “Please let go of my ear!”

    Old Lady: “It’s rude to disrespect your elders! Where are the toilets?!”

    Husband: *knocks the old lady’s hand away from my ear*

    Old Lady: *to the man* “You assaulted me!”

    Husband: “You have no case, and I didn’t hear you asking this young lady about the loos. My wife and I have been talking to her for at least ten minutes.”

    Old Lady: “Of course I have a case! You hit me! She saw it!” *points to me*

    Husband: “She has a better case against you for assault.”

    Old Lady: “No she does not!”

    (The husband calmly pulls out a business card and hands it to me.)

    Husband: *to me* “I’ll gladly take her to court for you for free.”

    (Reading the card I see his name, followed by ‘Head of Legal Advice for [company]’.)

    Me: “Thank you!” *to the old lady* “The loos are down that way on the left; follow the signs.”

    (I am rubbing ear as the old lady walks off, sulking. I turn to the couple.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry about that.”

    Husband: “No need. Anyway, keep the card, just in case!”

    Trying To Can The Idea

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (At our store, we have to see an ID card before we accept a check. Most of the cashiers are new, however, and lax about asking for ID.)

    Me: “Alright, before I process you check, may I please see your ID?”

    Older Customer: “Oh? When did this start?”

    Me: “It’s a part of our store rules, ma’am. We’re always supposed to ask this.”

    Older Customer: “Well, no one has ever asked me before!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re always supposed to ask for ID.”

    Older Customer: “Still, no one has asked before!”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I have to follow the rules.”

    Older Customer: “Well, this is awful! You don’t know how hard this is on old people!”

    (She pulls out her wallet, opens it, and moves one thin piece of plastic to get to her ID. However, without warning, she grabs a can from the next customer’s order and chucks at my head.)

    Me: *dodges* “Ma’am, what are you doing?!”

    Older Customer: “You see what you did there? I could never do that today. What you did there is like what I go through getting to my ID!”

    Carting Her Off To Justice

    | Woodinville, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I am shopping at a popular grocery and am in the long line to check out. I notice a cart nearby with a kid. It starts rolling into a shelf. I grab it before any damage is done.)

    Me: “Hey, whose cart is this with the kid?”

    (I see a woman at the meat department with a phone, talking away. I believe she has a purse that matches the coat on the cart.)

    Me: “Ma’am your kid almost rolled into—”

    (She waves me off and continues talking on the phone. I sigh, reposition the cart, then get back into the line.)

    Customer In Front: “Stupid woman, leaving her kid to roll off to God knows where.”

    Me: “I hope the phone call is worth the—”

    (I notice the cart rolling again, so I stop it. This time, the woman notices.)

    Woman: “What are you doing to my kid you… you… kidnapper!?”

    Me: “I was stopping the cart.”

    Woman: *snatches the cart from me* “Stay away from my baby.”

    Customer In Front: *laughs* “Well, least she paying attention now.”

    (The woman continues glaring at me. A few minutes pass, and the customer in front is done being checked out. However, I’m surprised when the woman and two cops approach me.)

    Woman: *points to me* “There he is, the kidnapper!”

    Officer #1: *to me* “Alright bub, let’s go.”

    Officer #2: *getting cuffs out* “I got him.”

    Customer In Front: “Woah, officers! Stop! You haven’t even heard his story!”

    Woman: “He tried to kidnap my baby! That’s the story!”

    (The two officers talk to people in the line about what happened, and are eventually convinced about my side of the story.)

    Officer #1: “Ma’am, please put your hands on the counter.”

    Woman: “What! What for? I’m not a kidnapper! I refuse!”

    Officer #2: “Please work with us, not against us.”

    Woman: “Arrest that man for kidnapping!”

    Officer #2: “Ma’am, you are under arrest for abandoning a minor, and for endangering a minor. We will contact your husband or a relative at the station to get your child.”

    Woman: “I’m innocent! He was kidnapping!” *she screams all the way out*

    Courage Under Fire, Part 2

    | Harrogate, Yorkshire, UK | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a supervisor at a car contract hire leasing company. The fire alarm goes off, so I call to my colleagues to apologise, hang up their calls, and leave NOW. One colleague is left as everyone files out. She is trying to talk over the very loud sound of the fire alarm.)

    Colleague: *to customer on phone* “I’m sorry, the fire alarm is ringing and we have to evacuate. If you give me your number, I’ll call you back after.”

    (I can hear the sound of irate shouting from the customer on the phone.)

    Colleague: “Yes, but the fire alarm is ringing and we’re evacuating. If you won’t give me your number, can you call back later?”

    (Sounds of more irate shouting.)

    Colleague: “No, that’s the fire alarm. I can’t turn it down.”

    (Sounds of yet more shouting.)

    Colleague: *to me* “I don’t know what to do.”

    Me: “Leave by the fire exit now.” *I take the phone*

    Me: “Hello, I’m [name] and I’m the supervisor. The fire alarm is ringing. It’s not a drill and I’m going to have to terminate this call.”

    Customer: “Where’s the f***ing b**** I was just talking to? I want her f***ing name. I will not be f***ing treated like this! It’s only a quick f***ing query, why won’t you f***ing answer it, you bunch of f***ing c****?!”

    Me: “This building is on fire as far as we can tell. Call back later.”

    Customer: “All I f***ing want is for someone to work out my early termination fee. That’ll only take five or ten minutes. What’s f***ing wrong with you people?”

    Me: “The fire brigade is here.” *sound of sirens outside* “Frankly, sir, and I mean no disrespect, but people like you are not worth dying for. Call back later.”

    Customer: “How dare you! I’m f***ing paying your f***ing—”

    (I hang up and run down the fire escape. A few hours later, once the fire on the roof was put out the customer called back. He was very apologetic; he’d told his wife about the outrage he’d suffered. She pointed out how much of a dick he had been. He decided she was right.)

    Related:
    Courage Under Fire

    Hit A Wall With This Caller

    | WA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cellphone company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My cell phone isn’t powering on.”

    Me: “Well, let’s see what’s going on with that.”

    (After troubleshooting the problem turns out to be a warranty issue. Unfortunately, the customer’s warranty has run out.)

    Customer: “Well, is there anything I can do? Don’t I have insurance on my phone?”

    Me: “Yes you do, but the insurance only covers physical damage or a lost or stolen phone.”

    (Suddenly, I hear a load crash over the phone.)

    Me: “What was that?!”

    Customer: “There I was, just minding my own business, when suddenly my wall tried to attack me! My phone, knowing it was about to die, heroically jumped in front of me taking the full force of the wall’s assault. Sadly, it has now broken in half.”

    Me: “Well! Let me get you over to our insurance department while you prepare a Viking funeral for our brave hero!”

    Customer: “Do I actually need to burn it?”

    Me: “No, but it will drive the insurance people crazy!”

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