November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Wild & Unruly

Put This Con To Bed

| WA, Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

Customer: “I am looking for some cheap beds for my sons.”

(I look at the two boys the customer has brought with her. One is about 6 years old and very slim, while the other is approximately 13 and massive.)

Me: “Well, for the little one we have this model…”

(I show her the cheapest mesh base in the store.)

Me: “…and for the older boy, we have this model.”

(I show her a heavy duty reinforced model that is $60 more.)

Customer: “No, I will take two of the cheaper beds, thanks.”

Me: “The cheaper model will not stand up to any punishment from the older child.”

Customer: “No, he isn’t mine. My other son is with a friend and he is about the same size as the little fella.” *points to the slim 6 year old*

Me: “Okay, but if this is for the older child, we won’t fix any damage he does and won’t refund or replace it.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “No, I just want you to be aware that it’s not designed for older children.”

Customer: “Well, it won’t be for an older kid, you idiot.”

(I take the customer to counter with receipt and warn the manager of her after she departs. Two days later, the customer returns with a broken bed and the two same boys.)

Customer: “I got this bed two days ago and one is already broken.”

Me: “Did the older kid jump on it?”

Customer: “No, you bloody idiot! I told you it wasn’t for him.”

Me: “Okay then, just go to the front counter and they will arrange a refund.”

(The customer walks from the warehouse to the front desk. Meanwhile, I talk to the 6-year-old son.)

Me: *to the 6 year old* “Did your big brother jump on the bed?”

6-year-old Son: “Yeah, he cracked a sad, jumped on his bed, threw it against the wall and broke it. Now mum has to get a new one so she brought it back.”

(I walk to the front counter and tell the administration staff to cancel the order.)

Me: *to the customer* “Please come and collect your broken bed from the warehouse.”

Customer: “Why the h*** do I want the broken bed back? I came here for a refund!”

Me: “Luckily, your son is more honest than you are. He told me the truth about the bed, and we aren’t a disposal service for other people’s rubbish.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Caught On Con-did Camera

| Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

(I am working as a ride attendant for a theme park roller coaster.)

Me: *over the intercom* “Once the gates have opened completely, you may make your way to the farthest available seat. Please make sure to secure all personal belongings and fasten your seat belt securely.”

(Two men approach me from the loading gates, one of whom is in a wheelchair.)

Disabled Guest: “Hey, buddy. You think you could help my friend get me into the seat there?”

Me: “Uh, sure, I could do that.”

(His friend wheels him over to the end of a row of seats and puts the brake on his chair.)

Me: “What do you need me to do?”

Friend: “You get his feet; I’ll get him from the back.”

Disabled Guest: “Thanks again.”

(The disabled guest raises his arms and his friend grabs him around the chest while I lift his feet off the ground and we sidle over to the train car. Suddenly the disabled guest twists his upper body violently and his friend drops him on his rear end.)

Disabled Guest: “OH, GOD!”

Friend: “What the f*** did you just do?!””

Me: *terrified* “What?”

Disabled Guest: “F***, s***, f***! I think my back is busted!”

Friend: *pointing at me, looking all around* “You all saw him! He dropped my buddy on purpose! That’s first-degree assault!”

Me: “But I didn’t do anything!”

Disabled Guest: *still pretending to be in pain* “Somebody call an ambulance! Somebody call a lawyer! Call the cops!”

Friend: *stomping over to stand one inch from me* “You think just ’cause my buddy’s in a wheelchair you can do whatever you f****** want to him? We’re gonna sue the s*** out of your f****** a**!”

(He shoves me with both hands, but then the guy in the end seat in the row behind the one we were trying to sit the disabled man in yells at them and points his camera phone at them.)

Camera Guy: “Hey! You leave him alone! I saw what you did! You tried to set him up! He didn’t drop your friend! You did!”

(The disabled guest, still lying on the ground, abruptly stops yelling in pain.)

Friend: “F*** you, f**! You can’t prove anything!”

Camera Guy: “Oh, yeah? I got the whole thing on video!” *he waves his phone at them*

Friend: “Give me that f****** phone!”

(The disabled guest’s friend lunges for the phone but the other man quickly hands it to his wife two seats over. The friend hits his head on the side of the train car and his extended hand scratches the camera man’s neck.)

Disabled Guest: “[Friend], get the f****** phone, you r****d!”

(The charade begins to fall apart as his friend staggers and clutches his head, which is now bleeding.)

Friend: *staggering and clutching his head, which is now bleeding* “F*** you!”

Camera Guy: “Somebody call security! These guys are con artists! I got it all on tape!”

(I dash around the disabled guest, having to jump as he tries to grab me by the legs, and run back to the intercom.)

Me: “Security to [roller coaster] loading platform. Emergency!”

(Three security guards armed with night sticks and mace show up only a few seconds later and have to drag the disabled man’s friend away as he was trading kicks with the camera guy and the camera guy’s wife. The camera couple and the two men are both taken to the nearest emergency station, and security makes me go with them. A park official shows up about half an hour later to take statements from everyone involved separately. After I give my statement, I wait alone in a waiting room for some time before a park doctor comes in and tells me the camera couple wants to talk to me. I’m led into their room.)

Camera Guy: “Hey, I wanted you to know I saw everything that happened. If that guy tries any legal s*** against you, I’ll be a witness.”

Me: “That would be great of you. I just… I don’t know what’s going on.”

Camera Guy’s Wife: “This place is full of cheaters and liars; that’s what’s going on.”

Camera Guy: “D*** right, honey.”

(The park official walks in again.)

Camera Guy: “You don’t believe that jacka**’s story, do you?” *points to me* “This guy didn’t do anything wrong. I caught it all on video with my phone if you need proof.”

Park Official: “That won’t be necessary, sir. We have security cameras all over the park. We saw what those men did.”

(The two men were banned from the park and the able-bodied one was charged with assault on the camera guy and his wife, who were given a refund on their admission, four additional one-day tickets, vouchers for free meals at any restaurant in the park, and two huge stuffed animals for their kids, all free.)

Tray Fray

, | Burlington, VT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(Due to new public safety standards, we now have to machine wash all dirty trays instead of merely wiping them down with a disinfectant and paper towel.)

Me: “You’re order will be right out, ma’am. Thank you.”

(My coworker brings out her bag of food.)

Customer: “I said I wanted this for here.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but as I mentioned all our trays are dirty and we’re only bagging the food at the moment. You’re more than welcome to eat in the lobby if you’d like, but we can’t offer you a tray.”

Customer: “What about those?” *points to dirty pile of trays over a trash can* “Can’t I just have one of those?”

Me: “Uh, no ma’am. Those are all dirty trays. I can’t give you any of those.”

Customer: “Just wipe one down; it’ll be fine.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that. It’s against health codes.”

Customer: “Just wipe it down! You’re just being lazy!”

(Note: the customer is getting so agitated that other customers are backing away from her.)

Me: “No, I’m not. I’m really just waiting for the trays to be brought back up from the dish area. They’ll be clean soon.”

Customer: “God, I can’t believe you’d be so rude and lazy not to give me a tray!”

(Without warning, the customer throws her bag full of food at my face. It’s filled with cardboard sandwich boxes and hot fries inside, so she takes a solid chunk out of my cheek and I start bleeding.)

Customer: “That’ll teach you to be rude to a customer!” *shoves two customers out of the way and leaves*

Please Keep All Cybernetics Inside The Ride At All Times

| Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work as an attendant for a theme park roller coaster. We have had an incident where a guest’s $10,000, custom-made prosthetic leg fell off while he was riding the coaster and landed in the moat below. Thanks to that, the park changed their policy to not allow anyone to bring a prosthetic limb onto any ride; now they must be stored in lockers with other personal belongings.)

Me: “How many in your party, sir?”

Guest: “Two.”

Me: “Row three, please. Right this way.”

Guest: “Hold on.”

(He bends over, unsnaps something, pulls his leg out of his jeans, straightens up and hands it to me.)

Me: “Uh…”

Guest: “Could you hold onto this while I ride?”

Me: *unable to take my eyes off the prosthetic being offered* “I, uh… I’m sorry, sir. You’ll have to store that in the lockers out front.”

Guest: “You mean I have to go through the whole line again?”

Me: *visibly shivering* “You, um, I mean, I can give you a pass to let you back into the leg -I mean- front of the line.”

Guest: “Well, that sure is a pain.”

(He starts hobbling around to put his leg back on, when new guests start coming down the queue. At the front of the line is a little boy, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and his mother.)

Little Boy: *wide-eyed and pointing at the one-legged man* “Look, mommy! That man’s a robot!”

Mother: “You’re making that man feel bad. You apologize to him!”

Little Boy: *suddenly terrified* “Is he gonna shoot me with his lasers?”


Little Boy: “Whoooooaaaaaa!”

He Has His Wires Crossed

| Lismore, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

Me: “Welcome to [company], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want instructions to wire up my phone socket to the mains to boost the signal.”

(Our phone lines use a 12 V signal while main power is 240v V Connecting the two would be a very bad idea.)

Me: *shocked* “Are you a trained electrician?”

Customer: “No. Why would I want to be one?”

Me: “You do know that the phone systems uses a 12 V system while the mains is 240 V?”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Only authorized and trained people can work on a phone line. You are neither.”

Customer: *sighs*That is why I am wanting the instructions to wire the phone socket to the mains!”

Me: “Sir, if by some miracle you do not kill yourself wiring the two together you would be personally responsible for the cost of replacing a multimillion dollar telephone exchange that you would blow up by doing that wiring. Do you understand?”

(A moment of silence as the customer thinks this through.)

Customer: “I don’t like your attitude. Transfer me to someone more sympathetic to my needs.”

Me: “How about I transfer you to faults. They know about wiring, and we both know you will be there sooner or later.”

Customer: “They can tell me how to wire it up?”

Me: “I will get them to tell you themselves.”

(I put the customer on hold while I contact Faults department.)

Faults: “Hello this is [name] in Faults.”

Me: “I am so sorry to give this to you, but I have a customer demanding how to wire the phone socket into the mains.”

Faults: “What?”

Me: “I have explained to him if he did not manage to kill himself wiring it up, then he would be liable for the replacement cost of the exchange but he insists on being transferred to someone more sympathetic.”

Faults: “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”