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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    He Who Melt It, Dealt It

    | NM, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (It is over 90 degrees outside. A customer comes in to buy an ice cream. He then goes into the bar across the road, and returns over an hour later.)

    Customer: “I need to exchange this ice cream.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I just bought it a minute ago, and it’s melted!”

    Me: “You were here over an hour ago. I can’t exchange it for you.”

    Customer: “You d*** well better exchange it! It wasn’t melted when I bought it! It’s not my fault I left it in my car when I went to the bar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t exchange it for you; it’s not our fault.”

    Customer: “I just bought it! Give me my d*** money! You know what? I have an even better idea!”

    (The customer slams the melted ice cream on the counter, and grabs a new one from the cooler.)

    Customer: “Give me a f****** bag that will prevent this from melting!”

    Me: “It’ll be [price] for the ice cream, and I don’t think those exist.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for this! You are f****** giving it to me for free, b****!”

    Me: “Not happening. I’ll be more then happy to call the owner for you.”

    Customer: “Get his fat ugly a** down here! I’ll have you fired for this!”

    (I step back to call for the owner.)

    Me: “DAD!”

    (My 6’3″, 300-pound dad walks out from the back room.)

    Dad: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: * grabs the melted ice cream and runs out of the door*

    The Biggest Abuser

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a manager at a fairly large grocery store. We have a regular customer who is paralyzed from the waist down. He’s roughly 20 years old. He is scooting around on one of the store’s electric scooters, when an obese customer walks up to him.)

    Customer: “How dare you go around the store in one of those! You’re taking them away from people like me who do need them!”

    Regular: “Well, ma’am, I’ve been paralyzed ever since I was 14. While you can walk around and get your groceries, I certainly can’t, so I’d say I need this more that you.”

    Customer: “You make me sick; pretending to be a cripple!”

    (The customer then PULLS the regular out of the chair and drops him. I run over to try to help him.)

    Customer: “You! Get this sick piece of trash out of here! He’s pretending to be a cripple and—”

    Me: “I’m going to cut you off right there. [Regular] is most assuredly disabled, and you just picked him up and slammed him into the ground. Get out of my store, now, before I call the cops.”

    Customer: “This is an injustice! I’ll sue you!” *knocks things off shelves and leaves*

    (I get a call from corporate around a week later, because the customer has filed a complaint. I explain what really happened, and get the regular to confirm my story. The complaint is dropped, and the rowdy customer never returns.)

    Kicking Off Over A Kicking Off

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I am cashing out a couple who is buying a laptop and some anti-virus software. We have a deal; if you purchase a computer, your anti-virus will be free for six months or $20 for one year. One of the store managers is coaching me.)

    Me: “So, would you like six months of free anti-virus or one year for $20?”

    Customer: “The guy back there told us it was $17!”

    Manager: “No, it is actually $20.”

    Customer: “SO HE LIED?!”

    Manager: “Seems like he did.”

    Customer: “I’M GOING TO GO BACK THERE AND KICK HIS A**!”

    Manager: “Go ahead.”

    (The customer, her husband, and I are all taken aback.)

    Customer: “…Really?”

    Manager: “Actually, let me go get him.”

    (My manager leaves my register, and heads to our computer department. The customer’s wife is now laughing while the husband starts to sweat.)

    Customer: “Is he coming back? I was just joking! I still want the one year. I’m sorry! I was just joking!”

    (The couple quickly pays and leaves before the manager comes back to my register.)

    Actors Of The Corn

    | New Zealand | Awesome Workers, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Twenty other actors and I lurk in the corn maze at night. Our job is to scare the customers as they come through. People are usually into the whole thing, but sometimes we have groups through that deliberately take the whole thing as a joke and belittle the actors. I hide just off the side of the path in the ‘hospital ward’, which is lined with beds and straw dummies. The customers don’t usually see me until I rush out at them. This means I hear them coming, and also hear what they say.)

    Male Customer #1: “Dude this is f****** dumb; it’s not even scary!”

    Male Customer #2: “I know! The North Island’s maze is so much better! This is f****** tame!”

    (The rest of group grunts in agreement. This group is comprised of really big, tough looking Samoan guys. I am a relatively tall woman dressed as an axe murdering man, complete with a wooden axe. I am minuscule compared to them. They enter my area through the net archway.)

    Male Customer #2: “What the f*** is this s*** supposed to be?”

    Male Customer #1: “Hey! We can have a nap!”

    (Male Customer #3 moves towards the bed closest to my hiding spot.)

    Male Customer #3: “We should just stay here until another group comes through; there’s no one in here!”

    (I lunge out and scream a gravelly voice.)

    Me: “That’s how the last group ended up as FERTILIZER, sonny boy!”

    (They take one look at me and my axe, and run out of there shrieking like schoolgirls. They then encounter the twins on the other side of the second archway. This results in them screaming even louder, falling off the path into the corn, and scrambling madly to get away.)

    A Cut And (Blow)Dry Case Of Mistaken Identity

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m in the waiting room of a salon. A man walks in and approaches the receptionist. Alarmingly, he’s carrying a claw hammer.)

    Man: “I need to see [name].”

    Receptionist: “Let me see… do you know what she’s here for?”

    Man: “B**** works here.”

    Receptionist: “I’m sorry, but no one works here by that name.”

    Man: “She tell you to cover for her? Get her a** down here now.”

    Receptionist: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Man: “Alright, you get her fat a** down here now, or I’ll learn you a thing or two. Five… four… three… two… one!”

    (The second he hits one, he swings the hammer into the desk. The receptionist screams and takes cover. The man swings the hammer and yells.)

    Man: “Try to take my kids from me? B****, you’re gonna get fired for sure now, come out before someone gets hurt!”

    (The police respond quickly and subdue the guy. As the cops take our statements, the man is raving about how his ex-wife has taken his kids, and how this showed her, and how her boss here would fire her. The kicker? All the employees agreed they had never heard of the woman!)

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