October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Wild & Unruly

Remain As Cold As Ice

, | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a manager in a well-known fast food restaurant.)

Customer: “You a**holes are trying to kill me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “You stupid mother-f***ers are trying to kill me!”

Me: “I assure you we’re not trying to kill you. Could you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Customer: “I ordered a [Soda] with no f****** ice, and you stupid mother-f***ers filled the cup with ice! I am deathly allergic to ice!”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that, ma’am. Let me fix that for you.”

Customer: “You’d better fix it. And I want my f****** money back, you stupid mother-f***er. I’m going to call the district office and have you all fired.”

Me: “Sure. I need to get that number from my office, as well as a refund slip for you to sign.”

(She continues to call me assorted names as I walk away.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait. Just print your name and sign. You can include a contact number if you’d like the district manager to call you.”

Customer: “I’m calling the f***ing office first thing tomorrow morning.”

Me: “I apologize again. Here’s your money, and here’s your [Soda], no ice, to which you are deathly allergic. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Have a good night.”

(She leaves the store still cussing up a storm.)

Next Customer: “That was amazing. Your facial expression didn’t change a bit the whole time.”

Me: “That’s because a decade of working customer service has left me dead inside. Now I’m going outside for a cigarette to try to finish off the rest of me.”

(The next morning I got a phone call from the district manager about how I was rude and unsympathetic to her serious medical issue, which she conveniently didn’t explain to him. I faxed him the refund slip with the reason for refund: Customer is deathly allergic to the solid form of water. He ended up praising me for not physically assaulting her.)

Just Crossed The Online Line

| NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *happy* “Hi there! Ugh, I ended up ordering the wrong thing online. Silly me; should have been paying more attention. Can I return this?”

Me: “Yah! Sure, no problem. Can I get the order number from you?”

Customer: “Of course!” *reads it off*

Me: “Perfect. Just one second. I’m sorry; my system shut off on me. We have an online return option. Would you like me to walk you through the steps? It’s really simple. If not just give me. like. 60 seconds to bring my system back up and I would be more than happy to do the return for you.”


Children Don’t Count And Adults Can’t Count

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I work as a lead host in a well known restaurant, in a well known, famous, and popular vacation resort area. People come here with their families a lot.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. How many are in your party today?

Guest: Oh, I need six and three-high chairs.”

(I’m extremely used to guests giving us their party total like this that I automatically total their party size for them.)

Me: “So nine total?”

Guest: “No, six and three high chairs.”

Me: “Yes… so… nine bodies total.”

Guest: “Well, sorta. I mean there’s six of us and maybe like three halves…”

Me: “Uh… okay, nine total people.”

Guest: “Well, the three are children.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand. However, because they require their own seat and take up seating space, I need to count them as well. So it’ll be a total of nine.”

(Normally, most guests understand this and agree with and move on so we can get them seated but for some odd reason, this guest did not seem to understand what I was trying to explain to her. She stared at me while I type down her information into our system.)

Guest: “No, hold on. I told you, I need six seats… and three high chairs.”

Me: “Right… and those high chairs take up space, so it’ll technically be nine seats total, but three of those nine are going to be high chairs and not regular chairs.”

Guest: “No! I need six seats and three high chairs! What part of that do you not understand.”

Me: “No, I understand, ma’am.”


Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Guest: “Gosh, how can you be so stupid!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “They should fire you for not being able to do basic math.”

(My manager overhears this exchange between the guest and I and immediately steps into the conversation. She asks what was the problem and begin to take down her information into our system, personally. My manager then asked her how many people were in her party.)

Guest: “I need six and three high chairs.”

Manager: “Great! So nine total.”

Guest: “No. Six. And Three. High. Chairs.”

Manager: “Right. Nine total.”


Manager: “Ma’am, we count your children as people as well and since they require their own seats, though the seats might be in the form of a high chair, they are included in the party size as well. Do not worry; I will get you the proper table size.”

Guest: “How do they count as people? They are like… halves of a person!”

(My manager at this point is obviously fed up with the guests who cannot understand what we both tried to explain to her. So she takes off her glasses, look at the guest straight in the eyes with the most serious face on.)

Manager: “So which half did you bring of your children? The upper part of the torso? Or the lower part? How do you even decide?”

Guest: “YOU KNOW WHAT?! FORGET IT! I cannot believe they hire a group of people who cannot do math! No wonder why you are all stuck working here! GO BACK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE YOU ALL OBVIOUSLY NEED IT!”

(The guest gathers her family and storms out of the restaurant. As they leave, the little girl in the party comes walking up to me and my manager, who are simply just staring at the woman who was forcing her family to leave.)

Little Girl: “Sorry… my mom is crazy.”

Her Threat Is Not Worth The Paper It’s Written On

| Lake Forest, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

(My store offers customers the choice between paper and plastic bags. As we are very busy in the days leading up to Easter, we run out of paper bags and only have plastic. It is now the day after Easter. An old woman comes up to my register with a small cart of items.)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything you needed?”

Customer: “Yes. I need all this in paper.”

Coworker: *who is bagging* “I’m sorry, ma’am, we ran out of paper bags.”

Customer: “Now, I said I’d NEVER shop here again if you ran out of paper bags.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we ran out just Saturday. It—”

Customer: “Well, [Other Grocery Store] never runs out of paper bags! This store is just too cheap to buy enough paper bags.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t speak for [Other Grocery Store]. All I know is that it was very busy Friday, very busy Saturday, and paper bags don’t come in until Tuesday.”

Customer: *gives me a look of pure hate*

Me: “Your total is [total].”

(I finish bagging her grocery in silence and hand her her receipt.)

Me: “All right, you have four bags. Would you like some help outside today?”

Customer: “No, just put it in the cart.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re not allowed to let the carts outside of the store. I’d be happy to help—”

Customer: “Just keep your d*** groceries!”

(The customer walks right out the door and leaves behind her paid-for groceries. I don’t know what to do, so I just go and tell my supervisor. She freaks out and gets me freaked out about what our store manager will say to both of us. The customer’s groceries are still just sitting at my register. 15 minutes later my customer comes back, somehow looking both haughty and intensely embarrassed.)

Customer: “Well, since they’re mine, I’ll just take them.”

Me: “Do you need help out—”

Customer: “NO!”

It’s An Acquired Taste

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Wild & Unruly

(I work in acquisitions for a major credit card company. We’re the people you call when you want to sign up for a new credit card, or to be taken off the mailing list for pre-approved credit card offers. This day, I am listening in to help train a new employee. I’ve been explaining to her some of the things about this department before she takes any calls.)

Me: “So, a lot of calls you get will be people wanting to be removed from the mailing list for pre-approved offers. It’s usually not a big deal, but some people make it way bigger of a deal than they need to. So, get used to a lot of yelling and verbal abuse.”

New Employee: “Oh, well, I worked in Retention before transferring here. I had to deal with all SORTS of angry customers trying to cancel their credit cards, so I know how to diffuse angry customers.”

(The phone rings.)

New Employee: “Thank you for calling [Credit Card]. My name is [New Employee]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, you can take me off your d*** mailing list!”

New Employee: “Okay, I’d be happy to help you with that. First I just need—”

Customer: “I can’t believe you people keep sending me this crap! As if I don’t have enough junk mail to deal with already!”

New Employee: “I’m terribly sorry to hear that, but—”

Customer: “And you f****** scam artists, always trying to swindle people with your credit scams! Probably selling my social security number to everyone you know! What if someone else had stolen my mail and filled out this offer in my name?!”

New Employee: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but to—”

Customer: “Do you know how much of a headache you cause me with your d*** f****** junk mail?! I oughtta sue all your a**** for everything you’re worth!”

New Employee: “Ma’am—”

Customer: “You haven’t heard the last of me! I’ll tell everyone I f****** know to stay away from you! All you’ve done is harass me!”

New Employee: “Ma’am, can I—”

Customer: “Well, F*CK YOU!” *slams down the phone, ending the call*

Me: “Welcome to Acquisitions.”

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