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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    Time For Them To Make Like A Tree And Leave

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a small landscaping company that does tree replacements for trees removed during construction on sewer lines. These replacements are monitored by the county. My boss (one of the company owners) is replacing a tree at a wealthy man’s house.)

    Boss: *to homeowner* “Hello, sir. We are with [Landscape Company]. We are here to replace your [tree].”

    Homeowner: “About time you guys got here. I’ve been waiting for my replacement tree for months!”

    Boss: “Sorry about the wait, sir. We have your tree ready to plant.” *gestures to the tree*

    Homeowner: “I don’t want that piece of s***! I want a cherry like my neighbor got!”

    Boss: “I’m sorry, sir, this is the species of tree that was removed from your yard according to my planting permit. Your neighbor received a cherry because that’s what was removed from her yard.”

    Homeowner: “I don’t give a s*** what kind of tree was in my yard or hers before! If you plant that tree I will rip it out of the ground myself!

    Boss: “Then you don’t want us to replace the tree?”

    Homeowner: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! You really don’t need to be smart to be a landscaper, do you?”

    Boss: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. We will do everything we can to fix the problem. If you could just sign this document saying you rejected a replacement tree we will get everything sorted out for you.”

    (The homeowner signs the paper then goes back in his house. My boss tells me to load the tree back in the truck.)

    Me: “So, do we have to get him that cherry?”

    Boss: “H***, no! He rejected the tree on our contract and confirmed he would rather not have a tree. We aren’t obligated to give him s*** now! If he had been a bit nicer I would have pulled some strings and gotten him that cherry but forget that!”

    (My boss called our contact at the county office and explained that the homeowner had declined the replacement tree and signed the rejection papers. Apparently a month later the homeowner called to ask where his tree was and received the news that he rejected his replacement and would no longer be getting a new tree.)

    Bagged Himself A Steal

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)

    Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”

    (The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)

    Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”

    (Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)

    Elderly Man: “I got him!”

    (All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)

    Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”

    Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”

    Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”

    (It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! Needless to say the man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)

    Has No Bridge Over These Troubled Waters

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a retail rep at a well-known cellphone carrier store.)

    Customer: “I bought two phones two weeks ago. My brother’s doesn’t work. He says it has never turned on since he got it in the mail.”

    (I pull up the account to view if the device has been in use. Before I see this info…)

    Customer: “Oh, and how come his phone has a red square on the back but mine is white?”

    (For those who don’t know cell phones have liquid damage indicators that turn white to red when exposed to liquid.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. This device has liquid damage and is not covered by the warranty. You also didn’t add insurance to this line.”

    Customer: “So what does that mean?”

    Me: “You have to continue to pay on the phone and get a new one if your brother needs a phone.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. He said it never turned on since he got it.”

    Me: “I see on the account the device was used for the first time on [date] and stopped use three days ago. It had been in use for nine days of the twelve days you have had service.”

    Customer: “No, he would’ve told me if he got some liquid on it. That’s not possible.”

    Me: “Well, pink indicates exposure. Red, which this is totally red, means the phone was drenched in liquid. He must have gotten significant amount of liquid on it.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not gonna replace it?”

    Me: “We can’t. You have no insurance and you voided the warranty with damage.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me [Company] won’t back up the products they sell?”

    Me: “We do. So long as you have insurance for accidental damage or if there is no damage for warranty exchanges. You have neither.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make sense. If I bought a car and there’s something wrong with it, the dealer would take care of it! The dealer would fix it for free!”

    Me: “Not if you rammed the car into a building.”

    Customer: “Well… If… So what? I gotta keep paying on the phone even though he can’t use it?”

    Me: “Yes. You still owe $300 on it.”

    Customer: “That’s outrageous! I’m not buying him a new phone. Cancel his line!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Although you have no contract therefore no early termination fee, your next bill will have a charge of $300 for the phone.”

    Customer: “What?! What happened to paying it off monthly like I was told?”

    Me: “As long as you have an active line you can pay it off monthly. You signed something that said the entire value of the phone is due immediately once service is canceled.”

    Customer: “I will still have my line.”

    Me: “The phone isn’t attached to your line. Yours is.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you all just HAVE ME BY THE BALLS. Y’ALL GOT ME BY THE BALLS!”

    (He grabs all his stuff and starts to storm out.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Customer: “BY THE BALLS!”

    Transaction Was Above (Mother)Board

    | Victorville, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer brings in a PC that has an obviously blown motherboard. I take the side off and see black scorch mark on the power supply, and know something had blow badly.)

    Me: “Well, I don’t know if the hard drive is good or not. A diagnostic is $50, but if we do repairs we take that off the labor.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll just replace the board.”

    Me: “Do you want us to do it?”

    Customer: “No, I have done all this stuff before.”

    (Confused then as to why he needed us to do a diagnostic, I sell him a new board. It takes a new CPU, and a new power supply. It happens to use his old RAM and as a freebie, I test it and the new board worked with his. Two days later:)

    Customer: “The motherboard you sold me does not work.”

    Me: “What? We tested it, with the new power supply. Is it your drive that is dead?”

    Customer: “No. It is the board! You sold me a bad board.”

    Me: “Well, you saw it work with your RAM. Are you sure it is not just the drives?”

    Customer: “No. I told you it is the board!”

    Me: “Well, let’s have a look.”

    (I open the machine. I disconnect the drives from power and data. I hit the power and smell smoke.)

    Me: “Woah! What the h***! Pull the power cord!”

    Customer: “See! It is a bad board.”

    (I look a little closer because the cards don’t seem to be fitting in very well.)

    Me: “Sir, did you mount this on the standoffs?”

    Customer: “Standoffs? What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, this board has great pictures in the manual. Here they are.”

    (I point out the standoffs and how it shows placing them before mounting the board.)

    Customer: “Oh, those. They were in the way so I took them out. I don’t need a d*** book! I know what I am doing!”

    Me: “Well, you needed those standoffs. You destroyed this board.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t!”

    Me: “Sir, the instructions are clear. You must put in the standoffs. Otherwise all the solder points on the back of the board can short out. This board has been mounted wrong and is probably dead.”

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

    (My manager  is already there because the customer is getting louder.)

    Manager: “Yes?”

    Customer: “This idiot says I mounted the board wrong! He won’t admit he sold me a bad board!”

    Manager: “Now, I heard he tested your old RAM when you were here yesterday.”

    Customer: “Yah.”

    Manager: “And it worked then?”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Manager: “You need to leave now, sir.”

    Customer: “I want my money back! You people are f****** crooks!”

    Manager: “No, a crook is someone that f**** up their own shit and then tries to blame others for it. Get the h*** out of my store!”

    (The customer stormed out and smashed his computer in the parking lot. After stomping on it a few times, he ran over it with his car. It was a shame. It was a nice case.)

    Cross Them Off Your Shopping List

    | Hayward, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Religion, Wild & Unruly

    (My partner and I have a stall in a vintage clothing collective. On the day in question, I am working the counter when a woman comes in wanting to sell some clothes.)

    Customer: “I want to sell these.”

    Me: “Okay, let me see what you’ve got.”

    (As I am looking over the clothes, which are mostly from chain stores in the past 10 years, she notices I am wearing a vintage pewter cross.)

    Customer: “Hey! Why are you wearing that cross?!”

    Me: “Um, I like it?”

    Customer: “Hah! Just as I thought! You’re a disgrace! Wearing a cross as a piece of jewelry!”

    Partner: *coming out of the back room* “Technically, it IS a piece of jewelry! And she has every right to wear it.”

    Customer: “Hah! I seriously doubt that! So tell me, are you a Christian?”

    Me: “If you’re asking that question, I’m probably not what YOU would consider a Christian.”

    Customer: “I thought as much! You take that cross off right now, you little heathen!”

    Partner: *becoming very irritated* “Actually, ma’am, we have both attended many churches, including Methodist, Episcopal, and Old Catholic.”

    Me: “I’m currently Religious Scientist.”

    Customer: “I thought as much! Heathens! You aren’t entitled to wear that cross!”

    Me: “I’m as much entitled as you, Ma’am.”

    Partner: “So, if you’re not buying anything, please leave the store and stop harassing us.”

    Customer: “I’m not buying, I’m selling!”

    Partner: “Oh, no, you’re not.”

    Me: “You don’t have any REAL vintage, anyway.”

    Customer: “Well, I never! You girls don’t know how to run a business! I wouldn’t want to sell to a couple of heathens, anyway!”

    (She gathered up her clothes and exited the store in a huff. Thankfully, she never entered our heathen store again.)

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