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    Category: Wild & Unruly

    How To Re-Tire Bad Customers

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s Black Friday and I have a noon shift. I have been berated and belittled by most of the customers since most of the doorbusters have been sold out.)

    Rude Customer: “WHY even advertise this if you don’t keep it in stock!? That’s stupid! If you run out you shouldn’t advertise it!”

    (There are two younger customers behind them, a guy and a girl.)

    Girl: “You know… sometimes I just wanna make people suffer ya know? Like mentally. Like I wanna slash the tires of some real ignorant a** so they can’t go on and abuse another cashier.”

    Guy: “I have that hunting knife in my car still. Wanna do it once we’re out of here?”

    Girl: “We could. I have one target it picked out.”

    (The rude customer shuts up and pays quietly and quickly runs out the door. I eye up the couple not sure if I should report the threat or not. The girl grins at me.)

    Girl: “Got her to shut up.”

    Me: “Wait. You weren’t serious?”

    Girl: “Please. I could never do that.”

    Guy: “I could…”

    The Situation Is Unraveling And Unwrapping

    | Gulf Shores, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (We offer gift wrapping where I work. Customer #1 has had her gifts wrapped BEFORE she purchases them, so I have no idea what she’s buying. She goes to get one of each item from the shelves. Instead of bringing all her items up at once, she proceeds to get them one piece at a time and insist that each one is ringing up wrong, even when they aren’t. Meanwhile, a customer comes up behind her.)

    Me: “Sorry, we’re just waiting a bit.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, it’s fine.”

    (Customer #1 comes up with another shirt. I ring it up and, again, she argues about the price. It’s only a dollar difference so I just give it to her.)

    Customer #1: “Wait! How the h*** am I supposed to know what I bought? How do I know what is in each box?”

    Me: “I have no idea, Ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Well, you’re just useless, aren’t you? Void me out! I’m going to unwrap all of these, have them rewrapped, and then buy them!” *turning to Customer #2* “God, can you believe the people they hire here?”"

    Customer #2: “Honestly, I can’t.”

    (Satisfied, Customer #1 moves down the counter and starts angrily unwrapping presents. Customer #2 puts her stuff on the counter, and in the process drops a candle.)

    Me: “Oh! Did that break? You can get another one.”

    (Customer #1 mutters something about me giving her a hard time and being too nice to Customer #2.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, no. It’s fine.”

    (Customer #2 places her candle on the counter, and I continue ringing her things up. As I start to ring up her jacket, I pull out the coat hanger and accidentally drop it. It hits Customer #2 in the chest.)

    Me: “Oh, my God. I am SO sorry!”

    Customer #2: *laughing* “Oh, I see how you are! I drop something in your floor, and you assault me!”

    Customer #1: “Oh, my God! I saw everything! I’ll be a witness if you want, and you can sue her for all she’s worth.”

    Customer #2: “Are you serious?”

    Customer #1: “Absolutely. You can HAVE her job.”

    Customer #2: “And have to deal with jerks like you all the time? Uh, no thanks!”

    (Customer #1 storms off.)

    Customer #2: “Thank God, eh? As I was saying, I can’t believe that [Retail Store] managed to find such a patient employee!”

    Didn’t See The Kicker

    | Pensacola, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (My girlfriend is a cashier, and I am a customer in her line. There’s a customer in front of me, giving her a hard time. He writes a check and hands it to her.)

    Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, sir, but our system has declined your check.”

    Customer: “What? I’m a millionaire! That’s not possible!”

    Girlfriend: “Well, actually, I think it’s because the license and check are from different states. It’s to prevent identity theft.”

    Customer: “Well, thank you for nothing, worthless b****! I know you did this on purpose!”

    Girlfriend: “Sir, I can assure you I didn’t. Now. Do you have another form of payment?”

    Customer: “No! You d*** b****! You’re just being totally worthless! Why don’t we take this out to the parking lot?”

    Me: “Oh, can I film that?”

    Girlfriend: *smiling* “Absolutely.”

    Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

    Me: “Oh, didn’t you know? She’s a championship kickboxer. I just want to film her kicking your a**.”

    (The customer huffs and stomps away.)

    Girlfriend: “Aw, why did you scare him off? I was looking forward to that.”

    All Snowing, Not All Knowing

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    Man: “Hey, bro. Do you know when the number seven bus is coming?”

    Me: “It should’ve been here five minutes ago.”

    Man: “Un-f******-believable. I bet you anything the driver’s a woman or old.”

    Me: “Um… or this heavy snow delayed the bus, as it has for the last two days.”

    (Five minutes later…)

    Man: “F*** sakes, I got places to be. B**** needs to hurry up!”

    Me: “Calm down, man. You don’t know what happened.”

    Man: “Stop trying to stick up for these f****** lazy-a** drivers.”

    (I decide not to bother. Ten minutes later the bus arrives. We get on.)

    Man: “F****** finally. We’ve been waiting for an hour in the snow!”

    Driver: “I’m sorry. I was delayed by an accident. Sounds pretty bad; I had to be rerouted so the ambulances could get there.”

    (The man goes silent.)

    Me: “I hope you’re f****** happy now.”

    His Account Just Got Axed

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Money, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. This is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “This d*** ATM wont give me my money, and now it’s eaten my card! I want you to get it back! NOW!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. May I have you member number please?”

    (The customer confirms the details.)

    Me: “I can see here, sir, that you have used another bank’s ATM, and that you entered the wrong PIN three times?”

    Customer: “It’s not my d*** fault I got my cards mixed up. Just get my card back!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we are unable to access that machine for you. It does not belong to our bank, and you have used a machine that is not attached to another bank branch, so the card has been cancelled. I can order a new one straight away, but I need to advise you that there will be a fee.”

    Customer: “No. YOU will get my card back right now, or I will go to my car, get my axe, and chop up this machine!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Go ahead.”

    Customer: “What, what…? But I said that I’m going to get an axe!”

    Me: “I know you did, on someone else’s ATM, so it doesn’t really affect us does it? I should let you know that I have made notes of the threat you just made, though.”

    Customer: “I’ll close all my accounts! I’ll go to the branch right now.”

    Me: “You WILL close your accounts, sir. And I see from your notes that this was your final warning about threatening behavior. However, I suggest that you don’t approach any branch or staff member again, as you apparently have an axe. The police will be notified the moment you step foot in any of our branches. You will be sent a cheque in the mail. Thank you for calling [Bank].”


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