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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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    Apparently, It Grows On Trees Nowadays

    | Seattle, WA |

    Disgruntled Bank Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have any money? I still have checks in my book!”

    (Customer opens up check book, showing off her blank checks)

    Signs Are For Weaklings

    | Pasadena |

    Customer: “Can I have a vanilla ice cream?”

    Me: “Sure, but we don’t have ice cream. I can sell you a vanilla frozen yogurt.”

    Customer: “This is frozen yogurt?”

    Me: “Yea, that’s why there’s a giant sign outside the store that says FROZEN YOGURT.”

    Sure Sweetheart, Your Place Or Mine?

    | Location Unknown |

    Lawn Care Customer: “Can you fertilize me next week?”

    I’ll Have Your Skills And Experience, To Go

    | Westwood, CA |

    Client: “In the future, I’d prefer not to pay you to make websites for me. I’ve seen what you do, and I think it’s pretty easy. Can you just teach me how to do your web stuff?”

    Me: “If you’re really interested, I guess I can teach you the basics of web design, but it’s going to require at least several lessons and it’ll cost $xx for every hour I spend with you.

    Client: “GOD, do you have to charge for everything?!?”

    Show The Occifer Some Respect

    | Los Angeles, CA |

    Nervous blonde I pulled over: “Hello occifer, what can I do for you?”

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