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    Category: Uncategorized

    Signs Point To Yes

    , | Arcadia, CA | Uncategorized

    Sandwich Shop Worker: “Would you like mustard or mayonnaise on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (Sandwich shop worker stares)

    Customer: “Oops! I mean. Um…mayonnaise.”

    Sandwich Shop Worker: “How would you like to pay? Cash or credit?”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (Sandwich shop worker stares some more)

    Monday Monday

    | Unknown Location | Uncategorized

    Hotel Guest: “Do you have rooms available on Monday?”

    Me: “What date?”

    Guest: “Monday!”

    Me: “No, what date?”

    Guest: (In an, aren’t you f**king psychic tone) “Jeez, the 11th.”

    Me: “Of what month?”

    Guest: “MONDAY!”

    Always Listen To Your Mother

    | West Virginia | Uncategorized

    Lady Looking At A Coat: “Oh, I don’t know if I can afford it!”

    Lady’s Mother: “You’ll have to sell your body on the street to pay for it, hun.”

    Who Needs Math When You Can Sue

    | Philadelphia, PA | Uncategorized

    Pizza Customer: “I ordered a pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage … and half plain.”

    Me: “Lady, there’s only two halves in a whole.”

    Pizza Customer: “I know there are only two halves in a whole! I’m a lawyer; this treatment is unfair and I demand satisfaction!”

    Vol. 2 of Strange Ways To Hold A Phone

    | UK | Uncategorized

    Customer (speaking over the telephone): “Could you speak up please, I’m deaf in one ear…”

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