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    Monday Monday

    | Unknown Location |

    Hotel Guest: “Do you have rooms available on Monday?”

    Me: “What date?”

    Guest: “Monday!”

    Me: “No, what date?”

    Guest: (In an, aren’t you f**king psychic tone) “Jeez, the 11th.”

    Me: “Of what month?”

    Guest: “MONDAY!”

    Always Listen To Your Mother

    | West Virginia |

    Lady Looking At A Coat: “Oh, I don’t know if I can afford it!”

    Lady’s Mother: “You’ll have to sell your body on the street to pay for it, hun.”

    Who Needs Math When You Can Sue

    | Philadelphia, PA |

    Pizza Customer: “I ordered a pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage … and half plain.”

    Me: “Lady, there’s only two halves in a whole.”

    Pizza Customer: “I know there are only two halves in a whole! I’m a lawyer; this treatment is unfair and I demand satisfaction!”

    Vol. 2 of Strange Ways To Hold A Phone

    | UK |

    Customer (speaking over the telephone): “Could you speak up please, I’m deaf in one ear…”

    On The Acoustical Properties of Wheelchairs

    | UK |

    Call Center Customer: “You’ll have to speak up love, I’m in a wheelchair!”

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