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    The Lady Doth Go For Broke, Methinks

    | Cold Spring, KY |

    (A lady enters the store and gives me a raincheck that expired long ago)

    Me: “Um, ma’am, this raincheck expired 90 days after you received it.”

    Customer: “It doesn’t say that.”

    (I point to where it does, in fact, say that)

    Customer: (completely seriously) “That wasn’t there before.”

    (I hand the raincheck back)

    Me: “Would you still like to buy this product?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have this raincheck for buy one get one free.”

    No, really?

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer at the drive-thru window: “I’d like my order to-go.”

    Bad Pickup Lines, Parte Deux

    | Philadelphia, PA |

    Bookstore Customer: “You have beautiful green eyes.”

    Me: “They’re blue.”


    Signs Point To Yes

    , | Arcadia, CA |

    Sandwich Shop Worker: “Would you like mustard or mayonnaise on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (Sandwich shop worker stares)

    Customer: “Oops! I mean. Um…mayonnaise.”

    Sandwich Shop Worker: “How would you like to pay? Cash or credit?”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (Sandwich shop worker stares some more)

    Monday Monday

    | Unknown Location |

    Hotel Guest: “Do you have rooms available on Monday?”

    Me: “What date?”

    Guest: “Monday!”

    Me: “No, what date?”

    Guest: (In an, aren’t you f**king psychic tone) “Jeez, the 11th.”

    Me: “Of what month?”

    Guest: “MONDAY!”

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